


My Heart is Wherever You Are

by NiniAtTheYAC



Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Independant Nini, Long-Distance Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, Season 2, There will be no sex in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:08:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 49,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22483093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiniAtTheYAC/pseuds/NiniAtTheYAC
Summary: Even though she and Ricky have just gotten their relationship back, Nini leaves to chase her dreams at the Youth Actors Conservatory without any fear. While Ricky may be as supportive and loving as ever, the challenges she faces at the YAC are enough to make her question everything.My version of season 2. Most chapters are tame, any chapters with adult themes or material will have author's notes at the beginning!
Relationships: Ricky Bowen & Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts
Comments: 104
Kudos: 353





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is all because of the amazing response that I got to my last Rini fic, so I just wanted to thank everyone who commented for their support on my work. I hope I can continue to live up to that!

Nini’s moms had left a couple of hours ago and she already missed them. She already missed everybody, actually. She could hardly believe that she’d seen her boyfriend and all of their friends just that morning.

The plan had been for Ricky to drag himself out of bed and walk the short distance to her house to give her one last hug before she and her moms hit the road at six am. Then Red said that, since he’s known her almost as long as Ricky, he deserved to see her one more time too, so he was going to come see her in the morning and, unbeknownst to Nini, this soon transpired into Gina and Kourtney spending the night at Ashlyn’s, and Carlos and Seb spending the night at Ricky’s (Red decided he should probably sleep at his own house on account of his sleep apnea) so that they could all come see her off. 

So this morning, a stressed and slightly teary-eyed Nini stood outside her house bouncing on the balls of her feet, with the car all packed and moms inside triple checking for any missed items. When she saw Ricky her whole being felt as if it were bursting. He was walking quickly towards her and across the street, but she couldn’t wait and took off running down her driveway, his face split into a brilliant smile and he ran to catch her in his embrace. Nini wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him tight, and tucked her face into his neck. “Nini,” he sighed.

“I’m okay,” she said although her aching throat and stinging eyes would beg to differ. “I love you so much,” she whispered, running her fingers through his always unruly curls. 

“Love you too,” Ricky said, his voice cracking at the end. After a moment someone cleared their throat, but it was definitely not Ricky. Nini raised her head to see all of their friends gathered around them. 

“Guys!” She cried, prying herself away from Ricky, but as he put her down she twined her pinkie with his. “It’s not even six am what are you all doing here?” She sniffled. 

“We couldn’t let our girl go without a proper send-off” Seb said, blinking back tears with a loving smile. Nini couldn’t keep it together any longer, she let out a small sob, and all of her friends smiled pitifully at her. “Why am I doing this again? What I have here is so good here, why am I leaving it behind?”

There smiles turned to concern at her questions, and all of her friends drew closer. Gina was the first to speak, “You’re doing this because someone has to go show the Y.A.C. what talent is.”

Kourtney followed up, “And you’re leaving us behind because it doesn’t matter where you are. We’ll always be family. We’re with you no matter where you go.” Nini nodded and tried to smile. 

“Come here,” Ashlyn finally said drawing everybody in for a group hug. It was a pathetic and tearful event, but Nini had never felt more loved in her life. She hugged each of them individually, saving Red for last. When she hugged Red she whispered to him, “You take care of our guy, okay? I’m trusting you to keep an eye on him.” 

Red grinned knowingly at her, how many times had they said that to each other over the years? Too many to count, they were the official Ricky protection squad after all. 

Her moms came out and Mama C snapped a quick picture of all of the tearful friends. “Nini, your mom and I are grabbing some snacks for the road from the kitchen, then we're heading out, so about five minutes tops.” 

“Got it, Mama,” she said with a nod. Her mother headed back into the house and all of the kids stood and stared at the front door as it closed behind her. Nini could hardly move. After a moment Carlos chimed in, “Alright, I think that our cue to take our leave and give these two a minute alone.” Nini heard them all agreeing, a couple of them giggling. Before he left Red said to Ricky, “When you’re done we’ll be at my house, you can meet us there and then we’re heading out to get waffles.” 

“Alright, I might catch up with you in a few,” Ricky said. Once Red’s footsteps had faded a bit, Nini finally turned around. She looked up at Ricky, she couldn’t help but think that beautiful really was the best word to describe him. Boys weren’t ‘supposed’ to be beautiful, but he really was. 

Without a word, both of her hands found his face and she pulled him down into a kiss. She felt her body melt against his and tried to memorize everything about this feeling. After a moment she pulled away from his kiss, resting her forehead against his, “This is so dumb. I’m chasing my dreams not dying. I don’t why this feels so big.” 

She felt his thumbs gently swiping across her cheeks, “I hardly remember what it’s like to be away from you for more than a few days. For almost as long as I can remember you’ve been across the street and three doors away,” he chuckled. “But you and me? We can handle anything. Together or apart, it doesn’t matter. I’m right there with you.” 

Nini pulled him into a crushing hug, “Please, just promise me you’ll take care of yourself. Go get breakfast with the gang after I leave. I want pictures. I know how you get when you’re sad or lonely, so just make yourself go and soon enough it’ll stop hurting.”

“Are you telling me this or are you talking to yourself?” he said, only half teasing. 

“Both.” Nini heard the front door open and felt Ricky look up, but she didn’t move. “I think it’s time to go, love,” he said gently. She pulled back to kiss him softly one last time. “I’ll call you at some point today,” she said to reassure him that she’ll still be just a call away. Nini took a deep breath and a small step back, letting her arms fall down so that her hands could catch in his. 

“I love you, Ricky Bowen,” she said. She hoped he could hear just how sincerely she means it. 

“I love you, Nini Salazar-Roberts,” he said. Ricky kissed her forehead and then slowly let go of her and stepped back. Nini felt like she was leaving behind the most important piece of her. “We’re gonna be okay,” he said again, then a cheeky grin came across his face, “Cause my heart is wherever you are.” He half sang, half laughed. His eyes sparkled with unshed tears. She giggled and rolled her eyes, finally turning away to get in the already running car. Nini buckled herself in and heard Mama D calling out to Ricky to remind him of their plans for him to come to dinner on Sunday. Nini’s heart settled a bit in her chest at the thought of the village of people she was leaving with Ricky who could look after him. 

That was only this morning. Now it was nearly ten pm and her dorm room was almost starting to look like a place where one could live. Her pictures were strung back up, using command strip hooks, her bed was made, and her closet was full of her clothes. 

It hadn’t really occurred to her until she arrived today and heard people squealing with joy as they reunited with their friends, but the last time Nini was a ‘new kid’ was in Kindergarten. She immediately texted Gina to ask for some tips. Not only was she new, but also joining the school in the middle of the year. She had been talking with Emily Pratt for the last few weeks, so she knew she could rely on one friendly face among the crowds. But that was it. No one even knew her name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Twitter at @NiniAtTheYAC and Tumblr Keep-on-reading-on.


	2. Chapter 2

Nini only had a day to settle in at the Conservatory before classes started. It felt like a good idea at the time. She wanted as much time with her people in Salt Lake as she could have; but now, as she stood outside the door of her first class panting after sprinting through the building and having gotten herself thoroughly lost looking for it, she started to second guess those choices. She checked her phone, 9:25. Class was starting in five minutes. It was now or never. 

She took a deep breath to steady her nerves and pulled the door open. 

\---

“So I open the door, and everyone turns to look at me,” Nini told Ricky over facetime that evening, “and I literally wanted to just shut the door and run, but the teacher’s like ‘oh are you the new girl? We were wondering where you were’ so turns out the class starts at 9, not 9:30.”

“Oh no!” Ricky said, eyes going wide as he clearly tried not to laugh at her. 

“Oh yes,” she sighed dramatically. “If that’s not a terrible first impression I don’t know what is. Also, none of the teachers asked me if I had a preferred name, so I guess I’m Nina here, which I- I don’t know-” Ricky gave her a questioning look, waiting for her to elaborate. “It just never occurred to me that there would be a point in my life when people wouldn’t be calling me Nini, but I guess I don’t mind it. I kind of like the idea that only my people from back home get to call me that,” she said looking at Ricky to see if he understood. 

“I mean, it’ll take some getting used to, but I hear what you’re saying.” Nini could tell he was trying to be diplomatic, but she also knew how he felt about change. 

“So how was EHS today?” She asked, eager to change the subject. 

“It was miserable without you,” Ricky said. She knew he was being dramatic, but her heart still constricted a bit. “Really, Nins, I overheard teachers crying in the hallway, mourning your absence,” he winked at her and she laughed. 

“You’re insufferable,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. 

“No, but seriously,” Ricky said growing quiet. “In calc Mrs.Windsor told the whole class about it and like half the class looked at me, it was so uncomfortable. Same with Mr.Romulo in history. The worst was chem though, cause Miss Frey is still out, apparently, she’s in Spain till the end of the week, so we had a sub and they called your name during roll and everybody started talking over each other telling him how you’re ‘gone’ and, I don’t know, something about the way they were talking about you. They made it sound like you died or something.” Nini could see that Ricky was struggling to understand his own feelings about it, but she knew what was going around in his head. 

“Ricky,” she said gently. His eyes, which had begun to glaze over, snapped up to meet hers. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” Ricky’s face warmed with a soft smile. 

“I know,” he said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“And give it a little time, those Y.A.C. people are gonna love you too,” Ricky said it with so much sincerity that she could almost believe him. “So I’m still kind of confused about this place. Paint me a picture, what does it look like?” 

“Okay so there’s only about two hundred students here and it’s kind of like a college campus cause it’s more than one building, but it’s a lot smaller than an actual campus. So basically we have dorms, and we each get our own room but there’s a laundry room, kitchen, and bathrooms in the common space. There’s a girls building and a guys building- which, come to think of it, seems kind of outdated to me, like what about non-binary kids, right? But anyway, the main building is between the two dorms and it has all of our classrooms and the dining hall, and a convenience store which just has the essentials like chips, hairbrushes, tampons, ya know?”

“Well, technically tampons are taxed as a luxury item so it sounds to me like it must be pretty extravagant,” Ricky chimed in, laughing at his own joke. 

“Watch it, Bowen,” Nini glared at him playfully. “Anyway, the theater is across the street from the main hall and it’s gorgeous! At some point, we’ll have to talk earlier in the day and I’ll take you on a proper tour,” she said, cutting herself off with a yawn.

“I look forward to it," Ricky said with a sweet smile. "But after the mix up with your first class, things were okay, right?”

“I mean, after that the only thing the day could do was get better right?” she laughed, but she couldn’t meet his gaze while she spoke. Nini cleared her throat, “Hey, Ricky I actually still have to call my moms and shower and it’s getting kind of late,” she said.

“Oh,” he looked taken off guard by her sudden shift. “Of course. Um, say hi to the moms for me.”

“Yeah, I will. Give everyone a hug from me when you see them tomorrow,” Nini said with a forced smile. She hung up without another word. In the dark, Nini laid on her bed staring at her black phone screen and tried not to cry. The truth was that this whole day had been sort of awful. She missed her friends and her family. She wanted a hug, and right now she’d take one from basically anyone. But she had no one here. 

After one day it was clear to her that everyone here was beautiful and insanely talented. Somehow she spent the whole day feeling both completely invisible and also like she was being judged for everything she did or said. She didn’t want Ricky to know how miserable she was. She felt like she couldn’t tell anyone back home, not after they’d all been so supportive of her coming here. She owed it to them to make it worth their time. A couple of tears finally escaped. Then some more. Then she was full-on sobbing until her stomach hurt.

A few minutes into her pity party a knock came at her door. Nini startled at the interruption but did nothing to respond. “Um, hello? I’m in the room next to you, I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay.” 

Slowly, Nini got off of her bed, wiping at her nose and eyes, she opened the door. In front of her was an obnoxiously beautiful and willowy blond girl with a sympathetic smile. Nini recognized her from a few of her classes today. “Oh,” she said, seeing the state that Nini was in. “Nina, right? You’re the new girl?” Nini nodded. “I’m Faith,” she said. 

“Hi, sorry for the crying,” Nini said, awkwardly pulling at the sleeves of her sweater. “I was just on the phone with my boyfriend and, uh, yeah it’s just been a rough first day.”

“Yeah, I bet. People here are pretty tight, especially since there aren’t that many of us, but once you’re part of the family you’re in it for life.” Faith said giving Nini a reassuring smile. 

“Do you maybe want to hang out for a little bit?” Nini asked before she could chicken out. 

“Yeah, of course!” Nini opened up her door farther to let the girl in. Faith quickly seemed to make herself comfortable in Nini’s room, looking over the photos on her wall and flopping on her bed. Nini was happy to have the company, but still a little shocked by how quickly this stranger had inserted herself into her evening. 

Faith laid on her back, pointing to one of the photos on her wall, “So, is that one the aforementioned boyfriend?” 

Nini sat in her desk chair and twisted around to check. Ricky’s sweet face smiled back at her and she felt her heart warm. She pointed to the photo to make sure they were talking about the same one. “Yeah,” she said. “That’s Ricky.” 

“Ricky?” Faith said, almost scoffing, “I’m sorry, but who names their kid Ricky anymore?” 

Nini tried not to look shocked or sound defensive. “Well, he’s named after his grandpa, Richard. I actually gave him the nickname Ricky in first grade.”

“Oh my god! You’ve known him since first grade? That’s too cute!” Nini cringed at the way that Faith almost yelled at her with enthusiasm. 

“Actually we became best friends in kindergarten, but yeah. Everyone back home calls me Nini because he had a lisp when we met and he couldn’t pronounce my name.” Nini tried to open up, for some reason she felt compelled to express to this complete stranger how much her life back home mattered to her. 

“Yeah, no offense, but I like you better as a Nina. Nini sounds like, I don’t know, made up or something,” Faith said, laughing. It was so strange, the words coming out of this girl were all so backhanded, but she said them with the kindest smile on her face, Nini could not figure out what to make of her if she tried. “Anyway, he’s super cute. You guys are an adorable couple, he’s probably really proud of you, right?”

“Yeah, I don’t know if I would have had it in me to come here if he wasn’t so supportive,” Nini said. Okay, she thought, maybe I judged her too quickly. 

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” The two of them went on talking for a while, getting to know each other. Apparently, Faith was from Michigan, her parents were super-rich, she had three older sisters, and she basically ran the drama department in high school before she came here. Nini tried not to compare herself with the goddess who had somehow ended up in her room, but it was just a little too easy to do. 

By the time that Faith left her room, it was almost eleven and Nini flopped onto her bed, closing her eyes and feeling overwhelmed with all kinds of exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I hate writing exposition and this whole chapter was full of exposition. Sorry if it's not my best work, but I had to establish where we are. Anyway, I'm super excited about this story and I can't wait to keep writing and sharing it with everyone. Thank you for all of the lovely comments on chapter one!


	3. Chapter 3

As time wore on things at the Y.A.C. got to be mildly easier. Nini still talked to her EHS friends every day, at least through the group chat. Miss Jenn had been posting teasers for their Spring musical all week and it was driving them all crazy. It seemed like any time Nini picked up her phone Carlos had written up a new conspiracy theory for them about what show she was going to pick. 

Despite her reservations, Nini continued to hangout with Faith, because, in Kourtney’s words, “Beggars can’t be choosers Neeners.” Nini knew that Kourt was right, but something still felt off about that girl. Faith had introduced Nini to a couple of her other friends too, Gwen and Layla. Both of the girls had short brown hair and glasses and honestly, Nini had trouble telling them apart, but she knew she couldn’t keep asking, so she just tried not to use their names in conversation. 

By her third week, Nini felt like she had been there for months, but today was going to be a good day. Or at least that’s what she told herself. At the end of the day, their drama teacher was announcing the Spring musical, and Nini was so excited to finally have something to focus her creative energy on. That was the reason she was here after all. 

During her lunch break, Nini turned down the girls' offer to get lunch together. She wanted a minute alone to check in with everyone back home and Faith always tried to read texts over her shoulder whenever Nini checked her phone around her. Sitting alone in the library, Nini unlocked her phone and saw that the group chat had been going insane that morning. Apparently, Miss Jenn had finally announced the show and the whole drama family was going crazy. 

Carlos’s text read: “OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD! LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS??? HOW R WE FEELING ABOUT THIS??” His follow-up text said: "You'd all best bet I will be taking creative liberties with the amount of dancing that usually goes on in this show."

After that, the group's conversation was a quick descent into madness. Apparently, it was a mixed bag, EJ made some snarky comments because Seymour is a ‘boring lead’, to which Ash replied “good thing you’ll make a perfect Orin Scrivello”, most of Red’s messages were just him begging someone to explain the plot of the show to him, Gina said she hoped that Miss Jenn wouldn’t make them do accents in the show, Kourt wondered how they were going to make the Audrey 2 puppet. 

Nini laughed scrolling through the chaos until it hit with the sudden realization that was the first East High musical that she wasn’t going to be a part of since Freshman year. She wondered how Ricky was feeling about all of this. She could envision him playing Seymour. He would make an adorable nerd. She could practically see him now with a button-up shirt, tie, and glasses. She smiled to herself at the mental image of it all, but scrolling back through the messages she realized that Ricky had been completely quiet on the subject. She figured maybe he was just in class, but made a mental note to call Red tonight and check in with him. Nini sent a few texts in the group adding to her friend’s excitement. Before she was ready for it, the bell rang and it was time to go back to her classes. 

\---

Alone in her dorm room, working on homework, Nini was suddenly startled out of her work by a collective scream coming from just about every girl on the floor. Her hand flinched in surprise leaving a huge, black, slash across her paper. Nini sighed, erasing the mistake. She heard Faith through her thin walls, on the phone with someone. “Yeah, I just got it! I’m so excited, we’ve got to make our own cast list for-” she paused for a moment, presumably listening to the speaker on the other end. “Alright, I’m on my way,” Faith said, and Nini heard her door open and slam shut, followed by footsteps running down the hall. 

Nini smiled to herself, the musical must have just been announced. She pulled out her phone and logged into her school email. 

The message explained that at the Y.A.C. they cast two sets of performers for the show, one upperclassman, and one lowerclassmen. Nini sighed in relief, that alone cuts the competition for parts in half. She read on- skimmed mostly- to the end where she read “Grease”. Nini jumped up from her desk, giddy with excitement. She had always identified with Sandy, being too nice for her own good sometimes, having her ladies by her side, being head over heels for an emotionally unavailable boy… god, she was glad to have that part over with. She laughed at the thought that she didn’t even have to change everything about herself like Sandy did in order to win him over. 

Nini’s excitement was somewhat short-lived though. It hit her, in the same way that it had earlier in the day, that this wasn’t an East High musical. She wasn’t going to get to perform in the show with all of her best friends by her side. Even if she somehow got the part of Sandy, Ricky wouldn’t be her Danny. “Stop it,” Nini said to herself aloud. She felt a little crazy talking to herself but she really needed to hear the words right now. “It’s just different. That doesn’t mean it’s bad. I just need to give it time. It’ll feel like home eventually.”

Feeling a bit better, Nini realized that there was no one here to share her excitement with, so she sent a text in the EHS group to tell them all the news. Her phone was immediately flooded with kind messages from all of her friends back home. Seb sent a paragraph in all caps of every reason that she should be cast as Sandy, and Carlos said that he’d write them on a scroll and hand-deliver it to her director if she wanted. She felt so much better with the support of her friends, but one person was still very much missing from this conversation, and Nini was starting to get concerned. She called Red. He answered on the third ring, “Hey, Nins!” 

Nini couldn’t contain her smile. It was so good to hear Big Red’s always cheerful voice for the first time in way too long. “Hey, Red,” she said.

“I just saw your text about the show. Ash is here, she wants me to tell you that you’d make an amazing Sandy.” Nini could hear Ashlyn in the background saying, “NO! No, that’s not what I said! Tell her I said she would make a perfect Sandy, not an amazing Sandy. There’s a difference. The difference is that there’s amazing and then there’s absolute perfection and that’s what Nini would be. Perfection.” Red paused for a moment. “Did ya get all that Nini?” He asked, with a laugh. 

“Yeah, tell Ashlyn thank you and that she is perfect all the time and I miss her,” Nini said. She listened Red pass her message along, and Ashlyn's, "Awww" in response. “Anyway if you’re with Ash I can let you go. I just wanted to check-in, but it’s nothing too important.”

“No, you’re fine,” Red said. She heard him moving, probably to give their conversation a bit of privacy from Ashlyn. “What’s up?” he finally asked. 

“I noticed that Ricky was really quiet in the group chat today, and with all the musical excitement going on I just thought it was a little weird. I wanted to make sure that you think he’s okay. I mean, our communication is way better than it used to be, but you know how he is. He can still be pretty out of touch with his own emotions sometimes.”

“Yeah,” Big Red sighed. “I think he’s doing okay. He’s been a little quiet, but I think that’s mostly about his mom and dad and all that stuff. Apparently, Lynne is kind of pressuring him to come live in Chicago,” he said and Nini could hear that beneath the cool exterior Red put up, there was some anxiety in his voice.

“That’s news to me,” Nini admitted. She was trying not to let herself get too upset, but the thought of Ricky living all the way in Chicago? Then they’d be separated by both distance and time zones. 

“He just told me this morning, but I doubt he’s gonna do it. I know he doesn’t want to, but then again we both know Ricky has a soft spot for his mom. He forgives her for literally anything.”

“I know,” Nini said thinking back to the talk that she and Ricky had after High School Musical wrapped. He told her about his mom, about everything that Nini had missed in the months that they were separated. He told her about the argument that he’d gotten into with Lynne during the show, how guilty he felt for hurting her. When Nini had pressed him to explain why he should feel bad for letting his mom know how upset he was, Ricky said that he should just want her to be happy, even if it hurt him. Nini wanted to tell him that that’s not how being a parent is supposed to work, but she knew there was no use. Getting back to her conversation with Red she asked, “Do you think I need to talk to him?”

“Nah, I’m sure he’s gonna tell you when he’s ready.” Nini knew that Red was right but it still didn’t make her feel better about letting Ricky handle this on his own.

“So did you talk to him about the musical then? Is he excited about it? You two should watch the movie of it together! Oh! Let me know when you do and I’ll watch it here too and we can FaceTime while we watch it!” Nini was getting excited just thinking about it. A movie night, almost like old times. 

“Nini-” Red tried to interject, but she cut him off. “You can invite Ashlyn too! We could even do a double feature with Grease!”

“Nini, I’m pretty sure he’s not doing the show.”

Nini faltered at his words, “What?”

“Well he only did the last one to win you back and now you’re not here, so why would he?” Red asked.

“Because he loved it and he’s an amazing singer and he really benefited from being part of a theater family,” Nini said with conviction, though she didn’t totally understand why this was making her so upset.

“I mean,” Red paused for a moment. “I would think you’d be relieved about this.”

“What. Why? You think I like the idea of Ricky having only you and me and no one else to take care of him? That I’m okay with the mental image of him sitting at home alone every night with nothing and no one all because I abandoned him?” Nini asked, spiraling fast as it became more evident to her why she was upset. 

“Woah, Nini, don’t memorize that script, okay. That’s not what happened. You didn’t abandon him, and he’s not sitting alone every night. I promise.” Red said trying to ease her back down, “Anyway, I only meant that you might not want him to do the show cause if he did there’s a decent chance he’d be Seymour and, according to Ashlyn, Gina’s probably gonna be Audrey which means they’d be spending a lot of time together and, like, be in love on stage in front of everybody.”

Nini couldn’t lie, she had not thought about that. For a moment she considered what Red said. It wasn’t hard for her to remember the way that she had seen Gina looking at Ricky back in the fall. And the day that they saved Miss Jenn. That hug. Nini would be a liar if she said she hadn’t felt a twist in her stomach when she saw that. Or Thanksgiving, when he called them a ‘we’ and had inside jokes. But they were just friends now. Nini trusted Ricky, she trusted Gina too. 

“Ricky needs to be a part of something. He can’t be left to sit around with his thoughts for too long. Red, you’ve got to convince him to audition,” Nini said resolutely and she tried to ignore the anxiety spinning around in her chest. 

“You’re sure?”

“Of course,” she said. He had never given Nini a reason not to trust him, and she knew that. 

She and Big Red said their good-byes and hung up soon after. Nini wanted to call her moms and tell them all of the news. Hopefully, Lola would still be at their house for dinner and they could put her on speaker. It had been too long since they all had gotten to talk together. 

But, before she called them she sent a quick text to Ricky: "Hey, love. If you’ve been feeling like someone was thinking about you all day, it was me. I hope that today treated you well. Let me know what night this week you’re free for a FaceTime or just a phone call. I can be flexible. I just miss your voice… and your face… and you. I miss you. I love you. Night babe xx."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I thought this chapter was gonna be kind of short. Guess not. Anyway, I just want to be really clear that Red's comments about Gina and all that is not meant to set this story up to have a love triangle or relationship drama or anything like that. I just felt like it was important to recognize that so whole situation so that Nini could acknowledge the self-doubt that all of that brought on her and so that she could make a conscious decision to trust Ricky and Gina, cause it's important to me to portray a healthy relationship (or as healthy as a relationship between teenagers can be). Okay, that's all. Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

A week later Nini found herself auditioning for Grease along with the rest of her classmates. Nini hated auditioning. She hated how nervous she felt. She hated the way that her palms would sweat and her voice would shake all day leading up to it. She hated being judged. She hated having choreography thrown at her. The pressure at auditions for the Youth Actors Conservatory was one hundred percent worse than any other audition she’d ever had before.

They had color-coded numbers, yellow for the upperclassmen, blue for the lowerclassmen. All of them gathered on the stage for about thirty minutes to learn a dance combo, then they were sent backstage so that they could continue to practice the dance while they waited to be brought back in groups to read lines and sing. 

Nini was a good dancer, but she wasn’t a great dancer. There was just something about her arms that never looked quite right, no matter what she did. All week leading up to auditions she had FaceTimed with Gina in an attempt to make some kind of improvement before the auditions. It wasn’t necessarily successful, but Gina was patient with her and it was nice to have a reason to catch up. 

\--- 

“No, No, Nini!” Gina said both yelling and laughing, “Gentler with the elbows, try to move like you’re swimming, not like you’re boxing!” Nini had signed up for studio space so that she and Gina could work on her extensions and a few combos without having to worry that she might destroy her room, but so far the only thing being destroyed was her. 

Nini laughed at her own ineptitude, clutching her stomach. “Gina, what the hell does that mean?” 

“It means do it all again and do the same moves, but do all of them differently. Preferably better!”

“Has anyone ever told you that your constructive criticism could use some work?” Nini asked, mostly joking as she came closer to her phone to grab her water and get a drink. 

“No, cause people don’t often ask for my opinion.” Gina said softening a bit, “But you did, and I figured if you wanted my help then things must be pretty dire.”

Nini set down her water bottle and looked at the girl on the other end. Her heart broke a little bit for Gina, “Hey, no. I asked for your help because you are by far the best dancer I know, and I knew I could trust you to tell me if I looked terrible.” Nini hesitated before adding, “and because I missed you.”

Gina looked surprised to hear her admission, but Nini gave her a sincere smile. “Really, it’s good to see any friendly face these days.”

Gina blushed a little and looked away before she refocused, “Okay, stop stalling already, SalRobs. Again from the top.” 

\---

Nini couldn’t help but think of the last auditions she was at. Gina had been such intimidating competition and all Nini wanted then was to avoid standing next to her so that she wouldn’t be directly compared with someone who was clearly a better dancer. Now, as she stood in a crowd with all of the upperclassmen, practicing their audition combo one more time before being sent away, Nini wished Gina could be by her side. 

As the music cut, Faith turned around, “That’s not so bad this year, ya know?” Nini nodded her head and tried not to let her eyes go wide, but she was dying a little bit inside. Out in the hall, Layla and Gwen caught up with them. Nini was relieved that she could finally keep them straight. 

Gwen was shorter, had freckles, and green eyes. While Layla had pure, porcelain skin, and deep brown eyes. Also, Gwen was typically quieter then Layla or Faith, which was just fine by Nini. The girls all practiced together in the hall, and just as Nini was starting to feel a bit better the first group of students was called to audition. Faith and Layla were among them, leaving Nini and Gwen awkwardly waiting together in the hall.

“So,” Gwen finally said. “What do you think of Y.A.C. so far?” 

Nini cringed, so uncomfortable to be making small talk in the middle of all of this stress. “Um, I’m starting to like it. It’s been kind of- or, well, I know it’s dumb, but I still kinda miss home.”

Gwen gave her an understanding look. “I get that. I’m from a pretty small town so it was kind of hard for me to get used to being such a small fish in a talented pond.” 

“Ugh, tell me about it!” Nini said, almost enjoying the conversation. “Back home I was shocked when I got the lead, but here it would take an actual miracle for that to happen.”

“Well, yeah, that’s for sure,” Gwen said sounding unimpressed. Nini was speechless for a moment until Gwen looked at her. Nini's face must have said everything because Gwen immediately began to scramble. “NO, no, no! That’s not what I meant! You’re crazy talented. You deserve it as much as anyone here, it’s just that they, well they typically don’t do color-blind casting here.” 

Nini was even more confused than before, “What? What does that even mean?” 

“Well, just that they’ll cast, like, the traditional cast. So Sandy’s gonna go to someone who can pull off blond hair.” Gwen clearly felt terrible being the one to break this news, “I guess I just assumed you knew, it was all over the news about this place two years ago, and even though they made a public statement that they’d stop, they really haven’t.”

Nini knew she should have a million questions, but only one thing really consumed her mind. “All of the characters in Grease are white.” She wasn’t even really talking to Gwen at that point she just couldn’t hold in those words. Nini’s mind flashed back to EHS, when Carlos told Miss Jenn that Seb would rather play Sharpay. Nini’s heart nearly stopped in fear for her friend, but Miss Jenn had said she loved it. That it was ‘so fresh’ and she was right, but Nini had left that behind, and for what? For this? 

The auditorium doors burst open before Gwen could think of anything to say. She and Nini were both called in for their acting and singing auditions. Nini felt a new kind of conviction to prove herself now. She wanted to be so good that they couldn’t dare deny that she was the only choice for the part. Truly, the rest of the auditions were such a blur that Nini didn’t even have time to feel nervous. It was the best audition she’d ever done, even better than when the world fell away while she sang for Gabriella, Nini felt like she owned her selection of “Hopelessly Devoted to You”. 

After tryouts, the four girls made the short walk back to their dorm together. “Nini was incredible, girls!” Gwen gushed, “Do you remember Jemma Tiller from a couple of years ago? Okay, Nini sings like her but better!” 

Nini felt herself blush at the compliments, even though she was fairly certain Gwen was just trying to make up for her own guilt. “It really is too bad that all of the leads in Grease are white,” Layla sighed although her hint of sarcasm didn’t escape Nini. 

“But,” Faith interjected, “we’re due to put on West Side Story! You could play lots of parts in that! Work on your upper range and you could be our Maria!” Faith bumped her shoulder against Nini’s and gave her an encouraging smile. 

“Yeah, except I’m half Filipina, not Puerto Rican,” Nini said, trying not to scoff.

“Eh, close enough,” Layla brushed her off before she and Gwen split off to head down the hall to their rooms on the other side of the building. Nini didn’t know what to say. She didn’t really feel like there was anything she could say right now.

At their doors Faith took Nini off guard when she pulled her into a tight hug, “I’m sorry about Layla, she shouldn’t have said that.” Faith said, releasing her grip on Nini. 

“Well, yeah, but you don’t have to apologize for her,” Nini didn’t understand herself. Why was she making up excuses for Layla’s words and the other girls' complacency? 

“Still,” Faith said but she seemed to be at a bit of a loss. “So, we usually all go out to McDonald's for dinner after auditions and make up our own cast list, but we don’t actually cast people from the school. Last year we cast Jennifer Lawrence as Mary Poppins!”

“Thanks,” Nini said. “I’m sure it’ll be fun, but I’ve got plans to FaceTime with my moms tonight, they’re having Ricky over for dinner so that we can all eat together. I know it’s dumb, but-”

“No, it sounds nice.” Faith interjected, “Say hi to that boyfriend of yours for me, Nina.” She winked, heading into her room as Nini entered her own. 

\---

On her bed with her laptop open in front of her and a half-eaten bowl of ramen in her lap, Nini felt more at peace than she had for a while. Mama D had to do some careful maneuvering to get their laptop set up just right so that Nini could see all of her favorite people at the same time, but with a little bit of adjustment everyone was in the frame and they could all see her and Nini’s heart was fit to burst. 

Mama C had made some kind of casserole from a recipe that she found on the internet and Nini fully intended to text Ricky later and ask his honest opinion of it, but if he hated it, he was doing a good job of hiding it as her mom scooped him a second large helping of it. Nini tried to suppress a giggle, but Ricky must have heard or sensed her amusement because he looked up to the screen and they shared a secret smile, even with him miles away seated between her parents, they lived in their own world together.

“Alright,” Mama D said, getting back to business. “So, these auditions today, we still need more detail than they went well.”

Nini hesitated, she wasn’t exactly sure what to say. How do you tell the most important people in your life that all of them had made huge sacrifices of all kinds just so that you could be shut out of parts because of your ethnicity? “Well,” she decided that she couldn’t tell them. Not now, maybe not ever. “It was really stressful and crowded and the dance combo was insane, so it’s a good thing that Gina’s been giving me some long-distance dance lessons this week-”

“Wait, what? She has?” Ricky cut in, sounding pleased and surprised. Nini froze up for a moment at the affection that she could hear in his voice. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m surprised she didn’t tell you guys. She’s been so much help. You should thank her at school for me tomorrow, I mean obviously, I’ll thank her too but there’s something more sincere about an in-person ‘thank you’ so you should probably say something too.” Nini had run out of air towards the end of her rambling and, based on the looks she was getting from everyone, she was pretty sure that her vague British accent had slipped out a bit. 

“Anyway, the girls, Layla, Gwen, and Faith were really sweet for staying with me. And Gwen and I were in the same group for everything so that was nice.” Nini said, trying to move on and distract them. “And I thought my singing went really well. I feel like High School Musical gave me so much more confidence and I needed all of it today for sure. Oh, and I, of course, had my lucky guitar pick in the waistband of my leggings the whole time.” 

“Well here’s hoping it worked!” Mama C said. “We were talking with Lola just before you called and she’s already said that she wouldn’t miss the show for anything, but you know how she can get at shows.”

“Nini would have done that better,” Mama D said, mimicking her own mother. “Nini really is much prettier than the lead.” They all laughed and Nini felt herself blushing.

“Well, keep your expectations low, okay? Cause I’m new and if you guys really can make it to the show you’ll see there are crazy amounts of talent going around here,” she said gently. “Ricky, what does your schedule look like? Any chance I might see you before Spring Break?” 

“I don’t know Nins,” he said apologetically. “If I really am gonna audition for Little Shop I’m sure we’re gonna have lots of weekend rehearsals.” 

Before Nini could respond Mama C jumped in, “IF you audition? Ricky, we raised you better than that!” Ricky laughed uncomfortably. 

“It’d just be weird to be there without Nini,” he told her mom, but as he spoke his eyes raised to meet hers. “What do you think, should I?” He finally asked Nini.

“Of course you should do it, Ricky. You might have auditioned for High School Musical for me, but you stayed in it for yourself and you found a family there. They’re still your family,” she reassured him. She felt relief at the warm smile that came across his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter felt like it ended kind of abruptly, originally I had another scene at the end of it but I decided I didn't like it and then I couldn't think of a way to replace it. Anyway, the whole casting thing that Nini is up against at the YAC is loosely based on some things that went on in the drama department at my high school, so that's a big yikes. I know I said last chapter that there wasn't gonna be love triangle relationship drama stuff... but as it turns out I might have lied a little bit, but not really. It's complicated. You'll see. I hope you're all continuing to enjoy this story! As always, thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Sitting on a slightly snowy bench just feet from the door to her dorm building, Nini stared at her phone screen. The cast list email had reached her before she’d reached the door, she’d made the mistake of opening it before going inside, and now here she was, sitting in shock, out in the cold. It was like being back in her freshman and sophomore years at EHS. She might as well be playing the back end of a cow. After playing Gabriella, here she was. An unnamed character in Chorus Girls Group B. All she wanted to do was curl up and cry. It wasn't even the part itself that was upsetting her so much it was knowing that the deck had been stacked from the very beginning. What she really needed was to talk to Ricky, or Seb, or Kourtney, literally anyone from home, but her parents were at work and all of her friends, even Big Red were at Little Shop of Horrors auditions right now. 

“Nina?” A voice startled her out of her depressed fog. Nini looked up to find Gwen peering down at her with concern written all over her face. 

“Oh,” Nini said, trying to get herself put back together quickly. “Hi, Gwen.” 

“You okay?” She asked. Nini didn’t know why, but it felt wrong to admit how upset she was about the casting. 

“Yeah, for sure, did you see the cast list though? Congrats miss Cheerleader Number Two and Frenchy’s understudy,” Nini really was happy for Gwen who, as it turned out, might be the nicest person she’d met here. 

“Thanks! I still think you were robbed though. It would have been so fun to have all our rehearsals together,” Gwen reached out a hand to Nini and it felt like there was an unspoken understanding between them. They both knew what Nini wouldn’t let herself say and what Gwen really meant when she said that Nini was ‘robbed’. None of it had to be said. So, instead, Nini just took her offered hand and stood up to walk inside together. 

As they entered the lobby Nini finally joked, “So how do you tell your parents that they shouldn’t drag their elderly mother on a crazy road trip to barely see you in a show at the school that they’re paying insane amounts of money for you to attend.”

Gwen laughed. “Hmm, I’m pretty sure that when I was a villager in two scenes of Into the Woods Freshman year I told my parents that they wouldn't like the show very much and I didn’t want them to come all that way to be bored,” she said. 

Nini laughed with her, feeling mildly better. “But seriously?” Gwen said pausing at the hallway where they would split off to go to their rooms, “My parents wouldn’t care if I were the lead, they never come to my shows. Too busy with work and life, so if your family wants to come you should let them and be glad to have them there.” Nini felt bad for how dismissive she had been towards Gwen in the beginning, clearly, there was a lot more to her than just her talent and money. Nini pulled her into a quick, tight, hug. 

“Well, hey, if my moms do come, they’ll want to meet you and you better bet they’ll be here to cheer for you too,” she told Gwen earnestly. Both girls headed to their own rooms feeling mildly better than they had before. 

\---

Nini dreaded the text that she was about to send to the group chat, but she knew that her friends would be expecting to find out her part at some point, best to get it over with. 

Her message read: Hey friends! Hope tryouts were fun today! Someone better send a photo of the cast list in here when Miss Jenn posts it! As for my cast list, well, let’s all welcome me back to being a small fish in a big pond! Yeah, I’m just in the chorus for this show, but on the bright side, I still get to wear fun vintage clothes. Sending you all so much love!

She hated that, despite her best attempt to sound happy, it still came across forced when she read it. Taking a deep breath, Nini pressed send. Within a minute her phone was ringing. She looked at the screen hoping to see Ricky’s face, but to her surprise it was Seb.

Nini accepted the call and before she could say a word Seb practically shouted, “Alright, I’m getting on a plane. Tell me who your director is. I need to talk to them, I just want to talk.”

Nini laughed, truly appreciating Seb’s attempt to cheer her up. “I’m okay Sebby. I knew this was probably gonna happen so I was ready for it,” she said.

“Well call me crazy, but I think you are way too talented to have your abilities wasted like this. I was not prepared for you to be anything less than Sandy.” 

“Seb, it’s okay.”

“See, Nin, you keep saying that but I know you and when you say that you’re okay or that something’s okay it’s almost always because nothing is okay and you’re trying to convince yourself that it is,” Seb lectured her patiently. “So, I’m gonna give you one more chance to crack that shell and tell me how you’re really feeling or I’ll have to head down to the bomb shelter to find that boyfriend of yours so that you can tell him what’s up.”

“You guys are still at school?” Nini asked, her interest piqued, “Is the cast list up? How were auditions?”

There was a long pause before Seb continued, “Auditions were good, but I think Miss Jenn’s having some trouble figuring out casting, she always says that casting is all about instincts so I guess her instincts are a little off right now.” Seb paused again, but Nini could tell there was more he wanted to say so she waited for him to go on. “I think we’re all a little off without you here. Maybe that’s why I’m so mad about this for you. It just feels so weird, when we’re all hanging out sometimes I’ll forget where you are and look around the room for you and then I remember you're in a room almost ten hours away from here.”

“Aww, Seb.” Nini’s heart hurt with guilt and longing for home, “I miss you guys so much.”

“I mean, things are getting better, it helps to know that this is such an amazing opportunity for you. It makes it worth missing you, but well I’m sure it must have been difficult for you to see Ricky so upset that first week.” Seb said, and Nini was about to say that she was actually surprised by how Ricky had kept himself together when she left, but then Seb continued speaking. “We’d be there and then all of a sudden he’d just get up and leave the room or things would seem completely fine, but then you’d look over and he’d just have tears running down his face almost like he didn’t even know they were there. He’s-”

“Woah, woah, wait, what?” Nini said, finally finding her voice again. “I had no idea about any of that. What the hell? Why did I not know? Why didn’t any of you call me? You guys were supposed to take care of him.” She was furious at literally everyone. Why would everyone, including Ricky, let him suffer like that and hide it from her?

“Well, honestly, I thought you knew. He said you guys were talking basically every night. It didn’t even occur to me that he would have been hiding it from you. I can’t speak for him, but I’m guessing he just knew that there wasn’t a whole lot you could do and we were here for him in any way that we could be. Red and Gina were basically taking shifts babysitting him for the first week that you were gone.” Hearing that Gina was involved in Ricky’s secret breakdown was like a punch to her stomach. Tears welled up in her eyes. “Nini?” Seb asked but he was cut off by a voice in the background, Nini was pretty sure it was Carlos, “I’m sorry babe, the cast list is posted, I’ll send a photo in the group, and I can call you back tonight. Do you want me to tell Ricky that he should call you?”

“No,” Nini managed to choke out. “No, I think I’m gonna turn my phone off and do my homework for a bit. Good luck, love you Seb.” Nini ended the call and stared at her phone for a moment. The worst part was that the person she was most angry with was herself. On the bright side, she’d managed to avoid telling Seb the details of what a variable nightmare this place had been. 

Nini did as she had told Seb she would, she turned her phone off. She did her homework. And then she just conveniently forgot to turn it back on for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how much it hurts me to hurt Nini. I rewrote chapters 5 and 6 so many times cause I just need her to hurt in a way that she can grow from. Also, this chapter ended up kind of short?? So, yes 6 is written I just need to edit and maybe make a couple of changes, it'll probably go up tonight or tomorrow!


	6. Chapter 6

Monday, January 27  
Kourtney: Hey Neeners, guess who will be playing Crystal in Little Shop of Horrors! Spoiler, it’s me. It's your best friend! Ashlyn is playing Chiffon and Seb’s Ronnette and I can’t wait to get to hang with them at every rehearsal! Wait till you hear about the rest of the cast… Ricky’s gonna kill it! I know you’re probably a little sad about your part but we’re all SO proud of you! Seb said he called you earlier so I better get a phone call with you soon too!

Ricky: Hey sorry it took me a few hours to get a minute to text you but we're all so proud of you Ni. and you were totally right about the musical it hasn’t even started yet and im already glad you convinced me to do it. although i think ej wants to kill me for ‘stealing his lead’ again. call me when youve got a minute, love you

Tuesday, January 28  
To Kourtney: IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU! And yeah I’m a little disappointed but don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay. <3

To Ricky: CONGRATS LOVE! I’m already so proud of you. Sorry I couldn’t talk last night. Rehearsals are getting a little crazy around here, but I’ll call you as soon as I have a minute!

Sunday, February 2  
Voicemail from Ricky: *Nins, I am SO sorry I missed our call last night. The cast got together for some celebratory bonding and Red was my ride and I told him I had to be home by nine to call you and he promised he’d get me back on time and then it took until midnight for me to drag him out of there. I hope you’re not too mad. Maybe we can talk tonight? I love you I hope you had a good weekend. Okay bye.*

Monday, February 3  
To Ricky: Hey sorry I couldn’t talk last night. I had pushed back plans with the girls to sunday so that we could talk on saturday… i can talk tonight, if that works for you. i love you. i miss you. Good luck at rehearsals today

\---

Falling into bed Monday night, after going another day without a phone call from Ricky, Nini couldn't help but be slightly frustrated with him. She knew it wasn't just his fault, he had every right to go out with friends on the weekend, and now that they were both in shows it made finding time all that much harder. Her rehearsals were most nights from six until eight or nine, their rehearsals finished at six. By the time she got home, they were already asleep or busy with homework and she was in desperate need of a shower before passing out in her bed. And every day Nini felt like she was floating a little farther out to sea. Every time she thought about calling Ricky, it was like she could see the life preserver in front of her, but she just couldn’t trust that that life preserver would actually keep her afloat. What if by holding onto it she just pulled it under and drowned it with her? Still, it was exhausting to keep everyone pushed past arm's length. 

On Tuesday morning, Nini was with the girls in the dining hall eating breakfast before classes. Nini sat on her phone while she ate, only half-listening to Layla while she went on and on about the difficulties of learning her lines for Riz. Meanwhile, Faith, who was appropriately cast as Patty Simcox, listened patiently rarely contributing a word. 

Nini pulled up her Instagram and scrolled through her feed, liking and commenting on a few photos until she came across Gina’s most recent post and felt her body go cold. It was a selfie taken by Gina with Ricky. They sat close together, both holding up their scripts and smiling brightly. Gwen seemed to have noticed the shift in Nini’s demeanor, “You okay, Nina?” she asked. 

“Yeah, I just- What do you make of this?” Nini asked turning her phone around for Gwen, and the other girls who were now paying attention, to see. 

“He’s kinda hot, but like, in a cute way. And she's gorgeous. They’re a cute couple, I guess?” Layla said, always eager to share an opinion. Gwen and Faith, on the other hand, look more surprised. “Isn’t that _your_ boyfriend?” Gwen asked, confused.

“That definitely is her boyfriend, Layla,” Faith had said giving her friend an accusatory look. “Who is this chick anyway?” Faith asked Nini.

“I don’t know, she’s kind of our mutual friend but also not. But they got cast as Seymour and Audrey in Little Shop at our high school.” Nini tried to stay casual, but her anxiety was growing by the minute. 

“Did you read her caption?” Faith asked, reading it out loud, “‘Learning lines with this cutie. You’re all gonna love him as Seymour’? I’m sorry, but I’m not so sure about that one.” 

Gwen chimed in before Faith could get off on a tangent, “Yeah, but to be fair, that’s a perfectly normal and platonic thing to post. I get why you might be uncomfortable with it, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that anything is going on.”

Nini felt as if Faith and Gwen were the devil and angel on each of her shoulders. One egging her on to post a backhanded comment on the photo, the other telling her that Ricky had never done anything that should make her question his fidelity. 

Nini thought of how she had felt that morning, opening her phone to find that Ricky hadn't even texted her to apologize for missing the call they were supposed to have last night. She just kind of broke inside. She decided that she’d give everyone at EHS some space. Clearly, he was busy, and Nini was too. It seemed like everyone in the drama family was getting along just fine without her, she didn’t need to keep draining them dry. She didn’t want to say anything that she’d regret later, but she also couldn’t keep doing this. She couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine. So she just said nothing.

\---

Between a long rehearsal and the emotional exhaustion of ignoring all of her friends as they gradually became more incessant with their attempts to reach her, the rest of the week passed by in a blur. 

Wednesday, February 5  
Kourtney: We haven't heard from you all day. Ricky says he thinks you’re mad at him. You want me to step in or are you okay?

Big Red: hey other half of the Ricky Protection Squad. hes pretty worried, you wanna tell me whats up?

Ricky: Nins? You there?

Thursday, February 6  
Seb: Hey Ni, where are you? We miss you. Ricky’s kinda freaking out. 

Kourtney: Nins, where are you? Talk to me.

Carlos: Look, I know we don't talk that much but I'm here for you. Seb is really worried about you, we all are.

Gina: Nini, I don’t want to get involved but is this about the musical casting? Cause you know that me and Ricky are just friends, but he’s really upset. What’s going on?

Nini read Gina’s message with a humorless laugh. She flopped back on her bed and let her phone slip from her hand, onto the ground. 

\---

It was somewhere in the early hours of Friday morning and Nini was fast asleep when she was startled awake by her phone buzzing on her nightstand. She accepted the call without even thinking to check who it was, “What?” Nini asked both groggy and annoyed. 

“Nini?” She was wide awake at the sound of just that one word from Ricky’s voice. It was a bucket of ice water thrown in her face.

“Ricky,” she choked out. 

“Nini, I know it's three a.m. and I’m sorry to call you at such a ridiculous time, but I've barely slept all week, and I just can’t keep doing this. What did I do? What is going on? Everyone is so worried about you. Kourtney, Seb, all of our friends. Your moms said you don’t sound like yourself but you won't tell them why. You gotta talk,” Ricky stops talking, cut off by Nini’s sob. She hadn't even realized how much she needed him until she was hearing his voice, but it was like he had split her chest wide open and all of the things that she'd been burrying deep inside were suddeny spilling out.

“I’m so sorry, Ricky I swear. I just- I’m- everything is wrong and I don’t know what to do.” she sniffled, trying to keep herself together. “There are so many things that I’ve been keeping from you guys, and I don’t even know- And then I saw Gina’s post and Layla said- and I just didn’t- I” Nini could barely even find the words to say everything that had been eating at her. 

“Nini,” Ricky interjects. “Babe, breathe.” Nini tried to take a breath, she tried to focus on Ricky’s voice on the other end. She slowly began to calm down. “Okay, let’s start with Layla, I hardly know anything about her which means she knows next to nothing about you. About us, so we don’t need to listen to her about anything, yeah?” Nini nodded her head as if he could see her. “Okay, so what about Gina’s post?”

Nini hesitated, “Ricky, I just need you to believe me when I say that I’m trying not to feel this way, I’ve been trying so hard because the last thing I’ve ever wanted to be was a jealous, possessive, girlfriend, but-” she sighed, “I just need to hear you say it. Just tell me that there’s nothing going on between you and Gina. Tell me that flirtation is in the past and that I’m crazy to even worry about it.” Ricky said nothing. 

He actually hung up on her. 

Nini pulled her phone away from her ear to stare at it in shock. He had never, in all their life, hung up on her. At that moment Nini knew that she’d let her own insecurities get in the way of the best thing she’d ever had.

Just as she began to fall to pieces, Ricky’s face lit up her screen with a FaceTime request. She answered immediately. As soon as the call connected Ricky was talking, “Sorry, I just couldn’t do this on a phone call, Nins. I needed to see you and I need you to look me in the eye when I say this, yeah?” He paused and Nini nodded hesitantly meeting his gaze. Ricky spoke slowly and clearly, “There is nothing going on between me and Gina. Nothing. I’m not mad at you for worrying about it, you’re human Nins. I know you and I know your faults and your insecurities, and I love you. You. There was never going to be anybody for me but you. At least not in this lifetime,” he had tears gleaming in his eyes, which she could just barely see in his dimly lit room. Nini was a mess of tears, but she nodded her head while she caught her breath. 

“I love you. I’m so sorry, I just didn’t want to hurt you. Make you think that I don’t trust you," she said. Ricky gave her a gentle, understanding, smile. 

“I miss you,” he said simply. “I wish I could hold you and take care of those tears for you.” Nini let out a watery laugh, sniffling and wiping her face with her sleeves. “And, being totally honest, if I were there right now, I’d probably want to kiss you too.” Ricky winked at her. 

“Even though I'm a total mess right now?" She teased.

"Yep, don't care. I'd still kiss you right now," they both laughed and allowed themselves a moment of calm.

"I miss you too," she finally said. "I miss being held. I mean, specifically by you, but really just in general. It never occurred to me that when you’re away from your family, there’s not anyone to hug you or hold you,” Nini said. “But just a couple more months, right?” 

“Right,” Ricky said gently. “I know you said that there are a lot of things that have been hurting you around there, do you want to talk about them?”

“Yeah, I do, or I will. I’m just really tired,” she said.

“Okay, I can let you go, I know it is really late. But you’re okay, right? And we’ll pick this back up during normal people hours?” Ricky’s voice was so gentle, Nini could almost feel it. She closed her eyes and imagined that he was right next to her 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” She reassured him. Ricky, her sweet and soft boy. “But, would you maybe just stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep. It’s a little less lonely when I can hear that you’re there.” 

“Yeah, of course, I’ll stay,” Ricky said. Nini laid back down and burrowed deep into her comforter. “Maybe this is what we need to start doing more often,” Ricky said quietly. “I don’t even need to talk to you every day, I just want to know that you’re out there and you’re okay.”

“I think that’s a great idea, love,” Nini said, closing her eyes and yawning. She kept her phone close to her face so that she could hear his breathing and he could hear hers. Nini felt a peaceful sleep folding around her until she could finally rest, better than she had in far too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that the whole text messaging set up looked okay/made sense. I struggled a little with how to get those messages across. But I actually really like this chapter, so I hope you guys do too. Chapters 7 and 8 are already in the works so it shouldn't be too long of a wait for them. Thanks for all the continued support for this story! If you want to come hang out on twitter I'm @NiniAtTheYAC over there!


	7. Chapter 7

Nini’s alarm startled her out of a deep sleep at seven. She groaned, rolled over, and turned it off. Rubbing her eyes, she glanced at her phone. A text from Ricky said that he was headed into school early but that he’d see her again tonight. Nini smiled to herself, with things better between them, she finally felt like she could breathe again. She sent him a quick message to let him know that she could talk after school whenever he was free since she had no practice tonight. Then Nini dragged herself out of bed. 

She quickly braided her hair and dressed in her favorite mint sweater and jeans. Nini could barely be bothered to put on makeup, but she figured a smear of concealer and a bit of mascara never hurt anybody. She made a quick trip to the bathroom, and collected her books, then left her room to go meet the girls in the dining hall. 

For the first time in a long time, or maybe ever, Nini felt like she could see how beautiful the campus here really was. She could appreciate the way the sunshine made the Colorado snow glitter. She could enjoy the soft click of her flats on the marble floors of the main hall. She felt at peace with who and where she was. 

“Well you seem like you’re in an awfully good mood this morning,” Faith said as Nini sat down to join them with her breakfast. 

“I am in a good mood,” she confirmed. “Ricky and I finally talked last night, and I don’t have rehearsals tonight, and it’s Friday,” Nini said while stirring her oatmeal. 

“Well, happy looks great on you,” Gwen said with a sweet smile. It occurred to Nini that this is where a backhanded compliment usually would come. “Where’s Layla?” She asked.

“Take one guess,” Faith deadpanned. She and Nini shared a conspiratorial grin. 

“Is she at yet another early morning rehearsal for her extremely groundbreaking portrayal of Rizz?” Nini joked. 

“Ding ding! Not just a pretty face, folks! Nina’s also sharp as a tack” Faith replied, Nini and Gwen both cringed at how loud she said it. The girls all laughed, enjoying each other’s company, and all too soon it was time to head to their first class. 

\---

Nini was always astounded by the way that days could simultaneously fly by and drag their feet, and today was no exception. She and Gwen gathered their books from their last class, and headed out the door together, walking together to meet up with Faith so that they could head to dinner before their rehearsal, while Nini got the night off. “So, now that you and Ricky are back on solid ground, are you two gonna catch up during normal people hours?” Gwen asked while they walked. 

Nini had confided in her a bit of the drama that had been unfolding in her life as of late, and particularly last night. She blushed at Gwen’s question. “Yeah, we’re gonna FaceTime as soon as he gets home from school,” she said.

“But you’re still in for coming over to my room for a movie night, right?” Gwen said.

“Oh my gosh, yeah! It's been way too long since I watched Mama Mia!” Once they found Faith, the three girls stepped outside, into the cool afternoon air. And that’s when Nini’s heart froze in her chest. Everything froze, really. It didn’t matter that they were turned around, she would recognize those curls anywhere. 

Nini vaguely heard the girls asking her what was wrong when she stopped walking. “Ricky,” she said, although it was barely more than a whisper. 

“What?” Both girls said in unison. Tears began to cloud Nini’s eyes, “Ricky?” she shouted. 

This time he heard her and turned around with the most radiant smile Nini had ever seen on him. Somewhere, she registered that she must look insane, but she couldn’t really be bothered to care. Nini took off, running down the steps and walkway, he did the same, trying to reach her as quickly as possible. “Ricky!” she cried again as she finally reached him. She threw herself into his embrace and he caught her, just like always. “Is this real? Am I dreaming?” she said, crying and burying her fingers in his curls. “Ya know what, I don’t even care if it’s a dream. It’s the best dream ever and I hope I never wake up.” 

“Not a dream Nins. Very much real,” he sighed, while one arm stayed firmly wrapped around her, his other hand came up to caress her head against his neck. “I just had to see you. I know you’ve got a thousand things to do, but I just had to come. I promise I won’t get in the way.” 

She choked on a laugh, “You get in the way? No. Never. Not possible” she whispered to him. Finally, she pulled back enough to actually see him. Ricky. Her Ricky. And, god, he looked terrible. But even crying and sleep-deprived he was the best thing she’d seen in months. Her heart leaped into her throat as her eyes flickered around his face, trying to soak him in. Finally, she lost the will to restrain herself, and she kissed her beautiful boy with every ounce of love and affection she felt for him. He kissed her back with equal intensity, but both of them pulled back all too quickly, realizing that they were very much in a public space. 

Resting her forehead against Ricky’s she beamed at him and giggled. She felt like a soda bottle, shaken up until it burst. “Ehem,” Nini heard her friends theatrically clearing their throat behind her. After taking just one more moment to soak this moment, she disentangled herself from Ricky's grasp, his arm still hung loosely around her as she turned to face Faith and Gwen. 

“So…” Nini said, face burning. “This is Ricky.” She gestured towards him. 

“Yeah.” Faith deadpanned, “I would certainly hope so.” All of them laughed as the tension eased out of the situation. 

“It’s so nice to meet you both, I’ve been dying to meet Nini’s friends,” Ricky said quickly introducing himself to the other girls, who both gave Nini devilish grins.

“Oh, so we’re Nini’s friends?” Gwen said with a wink, “All this time I thought I was friends with Nina, but apparently, my life has been a lie,” she laughed. 

They all moved to head inside, and Nini gently twined her pinky around Ricky’s and she felt him look down at her. She didn’t even need to look back at him to know exactly what kind of smile was consuming his face right now. 

\---

It didn’t take long, but it certainly felt like a small eternity, to get back to Nini’s room. As soon as her door was closed and locked behind her, Nini’s heart rate picked up again. She turned back around to Ricky, who was looking around her small dorm room with a soft expression, before turning back to meet her eyes. 

Nini’s heart melted just looking at him. She dumped her book bag and coat on the floor, and quickly made her way over to Ricky, pulling him in by his jacket for a kiss. Nini felt some sense of desperation to be close to him. To prove to herself that he was real. She pushed his jacket off of his shoulders, and he helped in taking it off to drop it on the floor. Nini knew that he wouldn’t be the one to take steps forward, this was somewhat uncharted territory for them. There would be no one coming in here to interrupt them, and there was nowhere else that either of them needed to be, and god she had missed him so much. 

Nini sat on the edge of her bed, then, sliding back, pulled Ricky with her. Laying back, Nini ran her fingers through his curls, while he held himself above her, kissing softly down her neck. Nini was so content, she could still hardly believe that this was real. She just wanted to hold him closer and tighter and never let him go again. 

“Nini?” Ricky asked, his voice and face were the definition of worry. 

“What?” she asked startled. He gave her a soft look, before bringing one hand to brush her cheeks. 

“Love, you’re crying,” He said gently. 

Nini had to laugh, she truly hadn’t even noticed. “I guess you’re right,” she said feeling almost hysterical. 

“You okay?” Ricky asked, clearly trying not to laugh at her in her confused state of emotions. 

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m just so glad you’re here. I hate it when you’re not here. Everything is so much better when I’ve got you.” Nini let her hands roam while she spoke, her thumb ran gently over the shell of his ear, in a familiar and fond gesture. Nini could see him melting. She loved how well she knew everything about her favorite person. 

She softly pressed his chest so that he’d lay down beside her, then Nini wrapped herself against his side. His arms came around her, pulling her close in his embrace. “I love you so much Nins.”

Nini sighed contentedly, “I love you too, Ricky.” She kissed the space of his chest closest to her and heard his soft breath and heartbeat so close and steady and real. “I want all of the details, obviously,” she said. “But right now can we just take a good, long, nap? Cause that’s what I really need right now.”

“This,” Ricky said, “is why we work.” she laughed, glancing up to see his eyes already closed and his expression softening. She let her own eyes drift shut too, and allowed herself to succumb to sleep. 

\---

When Nini woke up she had a moment of intense confusion. Who was in her bed? How did she get here? What time was it? She could barely wake her mind up enough to fully grasp these questions. When she finally did wake up enough to remember, Nini’s eyes sprung open to see the most beautiful and heartwarming sight before her. 

Ricky looked so peaceful sleeping tangled up with her. Part of her wanted to just watch him sleep forever, but she still had so many questions about how he ended up here. Nini smiled at him warmly, she reached up a gentle hand to brush back the curls that had disheveled in his sleep. Ricky sighed and turned his head in response, slowly blinking his eyes and waking up. As soon as their eyes met, Nini saw a light brighten in him. She felt like she was glowing too. 

“I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered. 

“I can’t believe I’m here either,” Ricky said softly. They both chuckled as Ricky leaned over to press a kiss to her forehead. Nini let her eyes drift shut and just enjoyed the feeling of being so close to him again. 

“Seriously though,” she said. “How are you here? Do our parents know? Do our friends know? When did you decide to come? I’m so confused.” 

“Okay, so on the phone last night, or I guess really it was this morning,” he laughed. “I laid there while you fell asleep and I just knew I had to see you. So, I set an alarm for five, sent a text to Red to tell him what was up and I asked him to apologize to Miss Jenn for me. I had a quick talk with my dad, who said I can never let my mom find out that he let me do this, but he actually gave me his car to drive. I didn’t tell your moms cause I figured I’d leave that decision up to you. Ten hours of driving later, here I am!” Ricky said all of this as if it were really that simple and obvious. 

“You’re crazy Wildcat,” Nini said, quoting Gabriella. “But still not sure that I totally get why you decided to cut class and deprive yourself of sleep.”

“You said that there was a lot going on. Hard conversations are usually best had in person, plus it was tearing me apart inside to watch you cry and not be here to hold you,” he told her gently. Nini felt so lucky to love and be loved by him. 

“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, but I must have done something right. In some lifetime anyway.” Nini meant it as a joke, but she could see that Ricky took it closer to heart. 

“Nini, you do so much right every day. You’ve got to start seeing that,” he said. 

Nini squeezed her eyes shut, took a deep breath and, without thinking about it too much, she let her grievances begin to pour out. “So, they do this thing here called traditional casting, meaning not color blind. Meaning that I was never going to get a speaking part in Grease because I’m not white and all of the characters in the show are. That’s not to say that I would have for sure had a part if things were different, but I literally never even had a chance no matter what I did. I didn’t want to tell you any of you guys because I already feel so bad for leaving you behind but the fact that their discriminating here just makes it one hundred percent worse.”

Nini, finally peeked up at Ricky as she stopped talking. He was staring down at her and from his expression, she could tell that he was fairly speechless. “And I started shutting you out because I found out from Seb and Big Red that you were keeping things from me. About your mom and Chicago? About how hard it really was for you when I left? And I didn’t feel like I could trust you to be honest about anything if you couldn’t even be honest with me about what was going on in your own life.”

“So,” Ricky said, “That definitely didn’t help with you already worrying about my relationship with Gina. Makes perfect sense.” He sighed, giving her an apologetic look. “I just didn’t want to make you feel guilty for chasing your dreams. I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’ who is too selfish to let you be your own person. And I didn’t tell you about my mom cause there was nothing to discuss. I am not about to move to Chicago and I didn’t want to give you anything extra to worry about.”

Nini nodded along. It was all so perfectly understandable she could almost laugh about it. They really did need to get better at the whole communication thing. “From now on, Ricky, you don’t need to protect me and I’m not going to hold back to try and protect you. We both need to learn to share our burdens, cause when things get tough there’s no one who makes me feel better than you.”

“Yeah,” Ricky said. “You’re right. Red’s great. I love our friends. But I am so in love with you. There’s no one I’d rather talk to about everything.” Nini strained to kiss his cheek, feeling her whole word slide back into place as they spoke. “So, what are we gonna do about this school?” He asked. 

“I don’t know,” Nini sighed. “I never should have left EHS.”

Ricky shook his head, with intensity in his eyes he spoke, “No, no, Nins. You made the right choice to leave. To trust yourself and believe in yourself. This just wasn’t the right place for you. So, how can I make the rest of the semester here a little more bearable?”

“Honestly, just knowing that I can talk to you about being miserable here makes it easier.”

“Yikes,” he teased. “We’re really setting that bar low, aren’t we? I mean, if all you need someone to talk to I can be that, but really if you need more, all you have to do is ask. I can try to start visiting more often.” 

She smiled at him and nodded. “I love you,” Nini said. “And my moms love you too, but you know they’re not about to love that you’re here without them even knowing about it. I mean, you’re sleeping in here tonight. Can you stay for the whole weekend?”

“I was hoping to leave Sunday morning,” he chuckled. 

“Okay, yeah so you’re about to spend two unsupervised nights in my bedroom, which, by the way, is super not allowed seeing as this is the all-girls dorm,” she gave him a theatrically nervous look. “So we’re gonna have to keep you kind of hidden in here.”

“Alternatively,” Ricky said. “We could go out of our way to get caught and then with any luck you’d get expelled and the problems would be solved for us!”

Nini laughed, “Yeah and then with any luck my mothers would let me see you again by the time we’re thirty.”

“Once we’re eighteen, we’re adults baby. They can’t keep us apart, I’m willing to risk a year without you if it’ll save you from this misery.”

Nini smiled, shaking her head at him. “No,” she sighed. “I’ve gotta stick it out here. I need to prove to myself that I can.”

“Alright, then I’ll support you in that.” Ricky leaned down to kiss her properly and Nini melted against him. She felt like all of the anxieties that she’d been carrying around with her were finally letting up just a bit. Having Ricky to help carry the load of it all was the greatest gift he’d ever given her. Her hand fisted in his shirt pulling him closer and just as he began to deepen their kiss his stomach let out an obnoxiously loud growl. Both of them pulled away from each other laughing hysterically. 

“Wow, my own stomach turned against me,” he said with mock annoyance. Making Nini laugh even harder. 

“Alright, well we should probably go take care of that and get your bag from your car anyway,” she said with a wink. 

\---

They ended up going to a diner that was within walking distance of campus, and by the time they made it back to Nini’s dorm, both of them were thoroughly stuffed and ready to go to sleep.

Nini returned to her room, having showered, brushed her teeth, and changed into her pajamas. She shut her door and locked it, before turning around. Nini could hardly keep a straight face at the sight of Ricky in pajama pants and a t-shirt sitting against the headboard of her bed on his phone. 

He looked up to see the odd expression on her face, “What’s going on in that head of yours, beautiful?” Nini blushed a little bit, making her way further into the room to put her clothes in her hamper. 

“Nothing, I just was thinking how very domestic this is,” she paused. “And I was sort of thinking that I’m weirdly nervous.”

Worry clouded over Ricky, “Nervous? Nini I-”

Nini cut him off before he could get too far down the rabbit hole of his thoughts, “Relax, you’re okay. I’m fine. I just- things are kind of changing between us and I like where they’re going, but they also make me a little anxious.” Nini was almost embarrassed by how hard it was for her to have this conversation with the boy that she loved, who also happened to be a boy she’d known pretty much her whole life. 

“Got it,” Ricky said gently. He reached out his arms towards her and she eagerly crawled up on the bed to embrace him. “Nins, we’re not doing anything until you can tell me with complete certainty and confidence that you’re ready. We have all the time in the world. There’s no rush, I’ll be here.”

Nini sighed, contented “I love knowing that.” Quickly pulled away to shut off the lamp beside her bed and the room fell into darkness. She laid back down and melted against him. “Best. Day. Ever.” she whispered. 

“Couldn’t agree more,” Ricky said, kissing the top of her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was originally supposed to be two chapters, but then I decided to spoil rinilover. I had a lot of fun with this chapter. It was so nice to get to some happier content after all of the angst! If there's anything you're dying to see in this story let me know, and there's a chance it'll make it in. I have the general plot mapped out, but I'm still open to suggestions. As always, thank you for reading and let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some semi-mature material towards the end. It's not sex and it's not graphic, but it's there. If you're not comfortable with the content just skip over it. I haven't increased the rating on the work cause I didn't really feel that it was warranted, but if you think I should feel free to let me know!

The next day Nini had rehearsals from noon to four, Ricky brought homework and snuck into the back of the auditorium, but his presence had not gone unnoticed by her castmates. While getting water between runs of the hand jive number, Nini overheard a couple of the other girls chattering amongst themselves. 

She only could discern bits and pieces, but it was enough to get the gist.  
“Did you see him?” “In the back?” “Yes!” “Do you-” “Know who he is? No!” “So cute!” “Dare you to go say hi” 

Under other circumstances, Nini probably would have felt protective or jealous, but today she just smiled to herself. That adorable boy drove almost ten hours just for her. None of these girls had a chance. She contemplated for a moment whether or not she should let it slip to the other girls that the cute guy they were gossiping about was, in fact, her boyfriend, but ultimately Gwen made that decision for her. 

Coming up behind Nini, Gwen paused for a moment, tuning into their gossip as well, she scoffed and loudly said to Nini, “So, Nina, that boy of yours is spending his whole day sitting in the back of a dark and lonely auditorium just for you?” 

Nini suppressed a laugh and choked out, “yep.” 

Apparently, Gwen wasn’t done just yet, wrapping her arm around Nini’s shoulder she nearly shouted “Wow! He must be a total goner for you!” Nini couldn’t keep a straight face anymore, she buried her face in her hands and nodded her head. She could feel most of her castmates watching this unfold and her face was burning. Thankfully their director called all of them out to run hand jive again at that moment. 

Nini gave Gwen a devilish look before they both made their way back onstage. Once there, Nini headed over to her dance partner, Trevor. Nini was glad to have him as a partner, he was a really good dancer which helped to hide the fact that she was just a really okay dancer. He was also pretty patient with her, rarely stepped on her feet, and kept his hands appropriately placed, which unfortunately was more than what could be said for plenty of the other boys at the school. 

“So,” he said while they waited for the music to queue up. “That was quite a production back there.”

Nini grinned, “I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. 

“Right.” Trevor winked, “You know, you’ve been good for Gwen and Faith, they’ve needed someone to give them a reason to get some space from Layla.” Nini was surprised to hear that, but she was realizing more and more that she was grateful for them too. She was about to tell him so, but the music began and the opportunity was gone. 

\---

After their last run, Nini was finally released and ran back to the dressing room to change and collect all of her bags. Leaving the backstage area she was surprised to find Layla and Ricky in the hall. When the door shut with a loud clatter, both of them looked over at her. “Oh,” Layla said sweetly. “Nina, I was just collecting your stray for you.” As Nini approached she watched the other girl rest her hand on Ricky’s chest, “See you around, Rick.” Layla winked at him and smirked at Nini on her way to the door. 

Before Layla had even made it to the door, Nini was taken by surprise when Ricky was suddenly kissing her passionately. She felt pride and joy bubbling up in her chest. When the door to the backstage finally clanged shut Ricky pulled away, and Nini burst out laughing. Ricky looked pretty smug too. Without any prelude or further discussion, Ricky kissed her cheek and whispered against Nini’s ear, “Only in her dreams.” Making Nini laugh even harder, she linked her pinky around his and pulled him along so that they could go get lunch. 

\---

The day slipped away from them painfully fast and before Nini knew it, she and Ricky were curled up on the floor in Gwen’s room watching Mama Mia with her and Faith. All of the girls knew every lyric, while Ricky was content to just watch Nini be happy and in her element. 

When they reached Slipping Through My Fingers everyone, including Ricky, cried. They were a bunch of teenagers away from their moms, of course, they were going to cry. 

And by the end of the film, they were all smiling and singing again. Gwen finally got up to shut off the TV after the credits rolled. “So, Ricky,” Faith said. “It has been so nice to meet you. And I gotta say, I don’t think I’ve seen our girl smile this much in the whole time I’ve known her.”

Ricky looked thrilled to hear about the visible effect that he had on his girlfriend, Nini, on the other hand, cringed at the attention, even though she knew it was a good thing that Ricky made her the happiest version of herself. He squeezed her a little tighter around her waist and kissed the top of her head. 

“She’s seriously got it bad for you,” Gwen said with the sweetest smile. “How’d you two meet anyway?” 

Growing redder by the second, Nini was in no condition to carry a conversation at that moment so Ricky stepped up to fill her in. “Well, growing up we lived just down the street from each other, but we didn’t really meet until kindergarten when our teacher made us buddies in class.” Nini smiled realizing that he absentmindedly twined their fingers and caressed the back of her hand with his thumb while he spoke. 

“Buddies?” Faith asked.

“Yeah, we shared a desk, and school supplies, and sat together at lunch. It was like the school’s way of making sure that every little kid had a friend,” both girls interjected with an ‘aww’ at that. “Yeah, but we were polar opposites. I was crazy, the kid who couldn’t be trusted even with kid scissors, not to mention I had the world’s worst lisp, and she was a perfectionist from day one. Cried when glue sticks made her fingers sticky. So, she cut my papers for me, and I glued hers for her. I struggled with my vowels so Nini was easier for me to say than Nina, and since she didn’t want me to feel embarrassed about my lisp she insisted that everyone call her Nini. She’s also the reason I ended up being called Ricky.” 

Slowly drawn out by his sweet recollections, Nini had the courage to interject, “And I stand by six-year-old Nini’s judgment.” They both laughed. 

“Anyway,” Nini picked up the story. “We were buddies and best friends for the longest time and then in seventh grade, some girl asked me to ask Ricky out for her and I realized that I never wanted that to happen, but of course, I didn’t work up the courage to risk our friendship until the end of Freshman year when I was pretty much certain that he had feelings for me too. And then we weren’t just buddies anymore, we were more than that.” She looked up at Ricky who had a somewhat bewildered smile on his face. Before she could question him, she was suddenly overcome by a yawn. 

“Tired much, Nins?” Ricky asked and she nodded her head with her eyes still shut. “Our love story bores you that much?” He said with humor in his voice. 

“Yep,” Nini deadpanned. Faith admitted that she was pretty tired too and they all decided to call it a night. 

\---

Nini was half asleep on the short walk back to her room. By the time they made it back she had nothing left in her, and dramatically flopped down onto her bed, closing her eyes. Nini lay still for a minute before she heard a quiet rustling on the other side of her room. She peeked one eye open to find that Ricky wasn’t facing her, but he was changing. She shut her eyes again quickly, respecting his privacy, but before she could stop herself she said, “You should ditch your shirt.”

There was a long pause where Nini held her breath, irrationally nervous for his reaction. “Nina Salazar-Roberts, what would your mothers say?” Both of them busted out laughing, suddenly Nini had never been less tired in her life. She opened her eyes to find Ricky in just sweatpants standing by her feet at the end of her bed. 

He gave her a sweet and slightly nervous glance before gently placing his hands beneath her knees, to tug her closer. Nini aided in the process, by sitting up. Ricky leaned over to kiss the top of her head. “I’ll make you a deal, Sal-Robs,” he said slowly bending farther and farther down planting kisses down the side of her face. He stopped at the neckline of her shirt, “I’ll sleep without a shirt if you do.”

Nini gasped theatrically, pretending to be scandalized. “Not fair, Bowen! Women’s top halves are sexualized in a way that men’s aren’t and you know it!” 

Grinning at her, “I won’t lay a hand on you,” he said lifting three fingers in salute. “Scouts honor.” 

“I’m pretty sure that’s the hand sign for the girl scout promise,” she said skeptically. “Anyways, I’d certainly hope that you’ll lay a hand on me.” Nini meant every word she said but she still could barely choke them out. 

Clearly, Ricky was taken off guard by her. He stared at Nini for a moment, trying to decipher the best way to respond. “Deal?” He finally said, still sounding less than sure. 

Without a word, Nini lifted her arms allowing him to do the rest. Ricky hesitated though, “Nins, I was kind of kidding, obviously, you shouldn’t do anything you’re not comfortable with,” Nini could sense that this was about to spiral into a rambling lecture about how much he respects her rights to her own body. She decided to nip that in the bud by taking the situation, quite literally into her own hands. 

“Christ, Bowen,” she teased him, grasping the hem of her sweater and pulling it over her head. Ricky’s eyes look like they might fall out of his head, and she almost laughed because she was still wearing her black sports bra, so it’s not like he’d even reached uncharted territories yet. “If I’d known this was where the evening was headed I would have probably worn a lightly sexier bra,” she joked. 

“But why, right? Aren’t those super uncomfortable?” Ricky asked, “And if the end goal is to get it off then anyway then I don’t see why it should matter.” Nini paused with her fingers on the band of her bra, she really did have the sweetest boy in the world. _Well, he’s really almost a man,_ she mentally corrected herself. Taking a steadying breath she slipped her fingers under the bra and pulled it off over her head.

Just like that, things were different between them. Nini was instantly self-conscious, she’d never had a whole lot of chest to gawk at, but Ricky still seemed to be pretty enamored with her. Nini could feel a blush quickly taking over her face and chest. “Ricky, jeez if you stare any harder you’ll leave a mark,” she scoffed, trying to lighten the mood and calm herself down. 

He immediately pulled his gaze back up to meet hers for a moment. Without a word, Ricky came closer and Nini cringed, expecting that he would just reach out and grope her, but instead, he sat beside her and pulled her into an almost suffocating hug. She sighed contentedly, and buried her face in his neck, her fingers finding the hair at the nape of his neck. 

“How much of a softy am I if I tell you that this is something I’ve wanted to do for way too long?” he said, sounding a little choked up.

Nini almost laughed, “You mean you’ve been wanting to see me without a bra for a long time? Pretty sure that’s a completely normal thing for guys to want.”

“No,” Ricky said. “I’ve wanted to hold you like this, with nothing between us. This is as close two people can get. I can feel your heartbeat against mine.”

Nini kissed the spot on his neck closest to her. “Yeah,” she said. “Okay, that’s a pretty cheesy thing to say, but that’s okay, I think I’ll keep you around anyway.” 

She quickly pulled away from him to change into pajama pants, shivered while turning off her lamp, and then she came back to join Ricky on her bed, she was immediately soothed by his warmth. His arms came around her. For a time they shared sweet and passionate kisses, letting their hands wander, enjoying the new expanse of soft skin. 

Finally, feeling both satiated and starved, they both agreed that it was time to take a step back from that ledge that they were nearing. Nini curled up half on top of Ricky one of his hands continued to run in lazy circles on her back while the other found her hand and hooked his pinky with hers. 

\---

After the endless joy of the last day and a half, letting Ricky go again was honestly harder than it was the first time she left. She stood in his arms leaning against his dad’s car at six a.m. on Sunday. His bag was already packed in the car, she’d tossed in a couple of items she hadn’t needed for him to return to SLC for her, and he had left behind another sweatshirt and t-shirt of his for her. Both of them knew that this was the time to let go, but neither of them wanted to be the one to make the first move. 

“Why is this so damn hard?” He asked with a watery voice. His arms were wound around her so completely she barely knew where he ended and she began. It occurred to Nini that the way she felt here, physically, was really how she felt inside too. Every part of them was wound together so tight inside that when he was away from her, it felt like parts of her were missing, pieces of her left with him. She hated the feeling, but she was also comforted by the realization that it was a beautiful thing because it was a product of love. 

“It’s hard because you’re my home,” she said softly. 

“And you’re mine,” he said. Nini nodded against his chest. 

“I love you so much, Ricky,” she said, kissing his heart through his shirt. 

“I love you too,” Ricky said giving Nini a final squeeze before releasing her.  
She pulled away just far enough to bring her hand up between them. She balled up her fist and stuck out her pinky, “Promise, no you’ll text me as soon as you’re home so I’ll know that you made it back safe. And promise that you’ll be totally honest about how you’re feeling when you get back.”

Ricky gave her a wistful smile, curling his pinky around hers. “Promise,” he said. Then he kissed her one more time, Nini’s toes curled as she felt his adoration for her in his kiss. He climbed in his car and left. Nini was left standing there on the curb still able to see, smell, and feel him, but he wasn’t there. She took a deep breath and headed back inside if she had to feel this sad she might as well go try to get a song out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this is not exactly how I expected this chapter to go. I know some people are really uncomfortable with minors being portrayed in physically intimate type situations, and as a writer and reader of YA I feel like there is a right way and a wrong way to handle such material. I hope that I'm falling onto the right side of it, but feel free to let me know if I should back off of it. I am really excited to integrate some of the ideas that you guys shared with me in the comments on the last chapter! They won't be showing up right away, but stay tuned for them! Anyway, I'm kind of nervous about posting this chapter so please let me know your thoughts!


	9. Chapter 9

Nini’s stomach was starting to hurt from laughing so hard. She sat in a group with a few of her castmates while Trevor, her dance partner, acted out the most embarrassing mishap that he’d ever had on stage. He recruited one of the other dancers, Connor, to help him in the effort. 

“Okay,” Trevor said. “So I’m supposed to be running right off the stage, like, choreographed exit to run like hell, straight off the stage. So, on opening night things are going well and I, trusting that people still remember their parts, go to take this exit running like a bullet off the stage and - okay Connor?” He pauses for a moment to direct the other boy. “You’re pretending to be a cow, you’re Milky White, so get on your hands and knees.” Connor does as he’s told and starts mooing, sending the group into another fit of laughter. “Right,” Trevor takes a few steps back to give the demonstration some room. “So, I’m running full speed and I barely even have time to register the cow person straight in my path before I am tripping over them and literally face planting center stage.” Trevor makes a dramatic reinterpretation of the scene. Theatrically throwing himself over Connor and onto the floor. 

“The best part though, is that when my foot caught on the cow’s side it pulled them straight over too,” Trevor grabs Connor and pulls him over flat on his side, Connor dramatically falls over and lets out a long and sad moo. “So. That’s how I accidentally went cow-tipping on stage.” Nini has tears in her eyes from laughing, and everyone gives the two a round of applause for their performance. 

Nini is about to interject her most embarrassing on-stage story, obviously, the moment when she found out while they were on stage that EJ was filling in for Ricky. As long as she lives, she’ll never forget the feeling of her stomach dropping to her toes at that moment. But, before she can speak up, the director calls all of them up to block the next part of We Go Together. Nini recoiled a bit internally. She wanted to love the dancing that she got to do here. She knew that, despite its flaws, the Conservatory was an amazing opportunity for her to grow as a performer. But it always felt like she was being singled out by their choreographer. 

Nini wasn’t one to judge dancing, she knew it wasn’t her strong suit, but even she could tell that there were other students with less ability than her. But Mr. Frankle seemed to only notice when she messed up, and anytime she messed up he’d find a way to push farther towards the back of a formation, or further towards the ends of the stage. Honestly, it seemed like this was just a lot of work for him to re-do the line based off of her every mistake, but evidently, it must have been worth it to him. After about the third reblocking that day, Nini was barley fighting off tears. 

Even though she hardly knew him, Connor seemed to have noticed her distress. She was staring at her shoes while Mr. Frankle taught the solo parts to the leads. _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry_ , she told herself when she felt a hand on her arm. “Hey,” Connor said softly. “Don’t sweat Mr. Frankle. He’s hard on all the new kids. Last year he threatened to take me out of a number during our last rehearsal.” 

Nini saw a genuine kindness shining through his green eyes. Something about Connor's effortless and effervescent demeanor sort of reminded her of EJ and Nini found comfort in that at this moment. “What did you do? How did you not fall apart?”

“Honestly?” He asked with a scoff, “I told him ‘look sir you can take me out of this number but I’m pretty sure that’s gonna be worse for you than it will be for me’ and that seemed to shut him up.” Nini laughed, the idea that she would ever sass a teacher like that really was laughable. “Ya know, sometimes you’ve just got to put choreographers back in their place. Their vision is nothing without us performers.” 

This comment took her by surprise, sobering her and reminding her that she was definitely not talking with EJ, he would never say something like that about Carlos. “Well, where would we be without their vision? Plus Mr. Frankle’s a teacher.” 

“We’re artists, we’d be alright. Anyway, Mr. Frankle doesn’t scare me. I’m just suggesting that you should try not to let him scare you either.” Connor winked at Nini and flicked his blonde hair out of his eyes as he turned around to head back to his own spot, and an odd chill ran up Nini’s spine. 

\---

The rest of their rehearsal was fairly uneventful, but still, Nini was exhausted and couldn’t wait for it to be over. Leaving the performance hall, Nini checked her phone. She had about seven missed texts and three missed calls from Kourtney. Without looking at any of them she called her friend. 

Kourtney answered on the second ring and immediately Nini could tell something was really wrong. She walked faster towards her room so that they could have some privacy. “Kourt, hey, what’s going on? Breathe. What’s wrong?” 

She could hear her on the other end struggling to speak, “Ni- I don’t- I can’t- How can I do this?” Kourtney finally choked out. 

Nini was concerned and confused, “Do what, Kourt?” She asked.

“Little Shop! How can I be in this show? I’ve never been in a show before, not on purpose anyway, and I’ve certainly never sang in a show. Miss Jenn keeps saying how great my voice is and today at rehearsal she said she wants to add in extra parts for Ash and Seb and me like she did with Miss Darbus in HSM, and Seb and Ash are thrilled. They’re totally on board and I don’t know how to tell any of them that I’m not!”

Nini couldn’t believe that she was just hearing about this now, “Hey, it’s gonna be fine-”

Kourtney cut her off, “HOW?” She asked. 

“Because,” Nini said. “No matter what happens it’ll be some version of a win. See, if you don’t work up the nerve to say no to the extra parts then you’ll rise to the occasion and blow everyone away and if you do find the courage to advocate for yourself then you’ll get practice at being a strong woman who knows how to speak up for herself.” 

There was a long silence on the other end and then a long sigh, “You really think that I’m gonna blow everyone away. Like, in a good way?” 

If Kourtney’s insecurities didn’t make Nini so sad the question would have made her laugh, “Yes, Kourt. I really do believe that completely and totally with every fiber of my being. You. Are. Amazing.” Nini reached her door, “Hold on one sec, I need to get into my room,” she told Kourtney then she unlocked her door, kicked it closed behind her, threw her bags down on the floor and flopped onto her bed. She pressed the speaker button on her phone screen. “You still there?” she asked. 

“Yeah, Neeners, “ Kourtney said gently. “I’m still here.” 

Nini smiled, it was such a simple thing for her to say, that she was still there, but it meant so much more now that there was so much space between them. “I’m really sorry I’m not there right now. You deserve a hug and a pizza slid under your door and anything else you might want,” she said. 

“I’m not so far into the depths of despair.” Nini could hear her friend’s smile in her voice until she sighed, “It is hard though. I can’t lie, I kind of hate it whenever I see posts of you with your friends there. I know it’s just in my head but I feel like they could replace me so easily. They’re theater people. Your people. They get you in ways that I don’t really get.”

“That’s the thing though, we’re all way too similar. If they were my only friends I’d have nothing but theater. I need you. You balance me out. Plus you’re clearly my better half.”

“Isn’t that supposed to be Ricky?” Kourtney said.

“Eh,” Nini said, “I think we both know I’m his better half.” Both of the girls laughed way too hard, it was such a dumb joke, but it felt good to be able to laugh together. 

“I’m telling Ricky you said that!” Kourt said. 

“No,” Nini cried dramatically. “You can’t!”

“Relax, we both know he’d probably agree,” Kourtney scoffed, and again the girls were all too happy to laugh at their own ridiculous jokes.   
Nini sighed, “Hey Kourt?” She said, “Ya know, I just kind of realized I never said thank you for everything this last summer. When everything with Ricky fell apart I was a total disaster and you were there to put me back together before I shipped off to camp. I don’t know if I would have survived it without what you did.” Nini suddenly found herself getting misty-eyed. 

For some reason, talking to Kourtney made missing her so much more real. “Nini, you don’t have to thank me for being there. That’s what friends do.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t just there for me. You were holding me together. Being at the YAC has made me realize how much I was leaning on you. On everybody. I need to start learning how to keep myself put together on my own,” Nini said.

There was a pause that made Nini anxious. “How has your eating been?” Kourtney finally asked, not bothering to soften the question. 

Nini bristled a bit, “Fine enough,” she said. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I talked to Ricky a little bit and he didn’t give many details, but he said that there was some drama going on at your school that he was worried about. Ni, being a strong woman is great, but that doesn’t mean that you have to fight every battle alone.” Nini’s heart constricted. She hated the idea that all of her SLC friends sitting around talking and worrying about her. She could handle herself. Or she could handle worrying about herself anyway. 

“I’m alright, Kourt.” Nini said, “I’ll be home for Spring Break in just a few weeks and I’ll give you all the details of this stupid high school drama when I see you in person,” Nini quickly shifted the conversation. “Should we have a sleepover at my house or yours?” She asked. 

“Yours, for sure!” Kourtney practically yelled, “I miss your moms so much, plus I heard that Bowen’s been going over for Sunday night family dinners almost every week! Red and I would very much like to know where our invitations are?”

Nini laughed, “I know for a fact they’d love to have you both, you guys just need to ask, or if you don’t want to have to, then make Ricky do it!”

The girls went back and forth for the next half hour or so, discussing everything that they wanted to and had to do over Spring break. Prom dress shopping was on the list of things they had to do, although they could hardly believe that it was possible. 

Finally, Nini was beginning to have trouble staying awake. “Kourt?” She said, “I love you so much but I’m about to fall on my face. I’m so tired.”

“Yeah,” Kourtney said. “I still need to memorize some lines before bed, so I should probably go anyway.” 

They both said goodbye and promised to call again soon. Nini quickly got ready for bed and crawled under her covers with the lights off. She plugged in her phone and pulled up Ricky’s contact. She called him. 

It took so long for Ricky to answer that for a moment she thought he might not pick up when he finally did she was surprised by the sense of relief that his voice brought her. “Hey, sorry babe, Red and I were just in the middle of a game.”

She smiled, happy that he had Red to keep him company, “That’s okay, baby.”

“You going to bed?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” she said softly, exhaustion returning to consume her. 

“You wanna stay on while we play?”

“Yeah,” the first time that she had called while Ricky had Red over she felt too weird to sleep on the phone with both of them there, but now it felt less weird. She could tell that Ricky had put her on speaker because now she could hear their game’s music, which was quickly being turned down by one of the boys. 

“Hey Nini,” Red said. “You just go to sleep and enjoy the sweet sound of me kicking Ricky’s ass in yet another round of Fortnite.” Nini laughed, as she heard Red and Ricky bicker for a bit before settling back into their game. 

Nini smiled to herself. Listening to her boys play video games together brought back so many memories for her. When they were kids she would often sit and watch the two of them play all kinds of games. She sucked at actually playing, and Kourtney thought it was boring to watch them play, but something about it was mesmerizing to Nini. Then, in Sophmore year, while she and Ricky were dating she’d often hang out with the boys, her head resting in Ricky’s lap while they played. She would close her eyes and between games, Ricky would gently run his fingers through her hair. 

Now, with the familiar banter and clicking of controllers, Nini could almost feel Ricky’s presence all around her. She was asleep in minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot thank everybody enough for the love that this story has received! It has been a huge reason that I've stayed motivated to write! Sorry that this update took a little bit, I have three papers due at school this week (two are done, one to go!) and I have a job, so there hasn't been a ton of free time for my writing. Also, this chapter was largely inspired by all of the talk I've seen on Twitter about Nini being a weak character and a bad friend, I obviously can't fix the depictions of Nini in the show, but I felt like this was an authentic conversation for her to have which addressed some of peoples complaints.


	10. Chapter 10

Nini was finally starting to feel like she belonged here. For the last two weeks, she had met up with various combinations of castmates to work on their parts in Grease. Particularly the dancing parts. Mr.Frankle had added in some elaborate swing dance lifts and for some reason he just expected everyone to be able to pick them up in no time. Needless to say, they were all scrambling to figure them out. 

Nini hated being lifted. She hated how close she had to be to Trevor and the way his hands had to tightly grip her waist. She cringed when she felt him straining to hold her weight. But she was getting through it all. Trevor was great. He had a good sense of humor about it and easily could defuse the awkward moments with his laughter. Nini appreciated that about him. What she appreciated less was that everywhere that Trevor went, Connor was never far away. 

Seriously, they were worse than Ricky and Big Red. Nini couldn’t really put her finger on it, but she knew that there was something off with him. Sometimes she would catch Connor watching her, looking her up and down. It almost felt like he was sizing her up. She had started to try and wear as much clothes as possible, baggy and long-sleeved, but with the lifts, loose clothes weren’t really an option. Trevor, understandably, couldn’t get a grip on her with fabric sliding around, so her options for covering up were pretty limited. 

Nini thought that she might feel better about it if any of the other girls showed that they felt the same way, but all of them seemed completely comfortable and trusting around Connor. So Nini tried to convince herself that she was just being paranoid. But that didn’t stop her from avoiding being left alone with him at all costs. 

Tonight's rehearsal had ended at seven, but she and Trevor had run over to a rehearsal studio to work for a little longer, thankfully Connor had to head back to his dorm to study for a test. By eight o’clock they were both covered in sweat and completely exhausted. 

“Let me walk you back to your dorm?” Trevor offered. Nini knew she was crazy to let the thought of Connor cross her mind, but she couldn’t help that it did. She quickly agreed to the escort. 

They both collected their bags and headed out of the studio, through the empty halls of the school. As they stepped out of the building Nini froze for a moment, shivering, even though spring was trying to push its way into Denver, winter wasn’t giving up just yet. “You alright?” Trevor asked, noticing her momentary pause. 

“Yeah,” Nini brushed him off. “What’s that saying? Someone just walked over my grave?”

“What?” Trevor laughed while they continued into the cool night. 

“Yeah, when you shiver for no reason or, like, feel weirdly cold, people used to think it was because someone walked over the place where you’ll eventually be buried,” she explained. 

“That must be an SLC thing,” he said. 

Nini laughed, “It most definitely is not! It’s a saying that’s been around since, like, Shakespeare.”

They both let it drop and for a moment it was quiet. “So,” Trevor began again. “Can you believe that Spring break is in like, two weeks?”

Nini felt a wave of joy wash over her, “Ten days to be precise, but yes! You have no idea how excited I am!”

“Really?” Trevor asked. “I assume that means your boyfriend will be making an extended visit?”

“No,” she said, confused. “Why would Ricky come here? I’m going home for the break.” Trevor stopped abruptly and looked at Nini with alarm. “What? You’re not going home?” She asked. 

“No! Of course not!” Nini’s heart felt like it stopped beating in her chest. “Nobody goes home for break. They’re required to give us one, so we have a week without classes, but no one leaves because they still hold rehearsals and if you’re not here for the blocking they’ll just cut you from the scene.” _Of course_ , Nini thought to herself, _I should expect nothing less from this hellish school._

“Well, my moms already bought my plane tickets so I don’t have that much of a choice,” she said defiantly. 

“Nini, you don’t get it. One year, a guy went home for break and by the time he got back they had cut him from literally everything. The _only_ thing he did in the entire show was walk across the back of the stage one time.”

She couldn’t decide if she was more angry or sad at this moment. Nini knew what everyone in SLC would say if they heard about this. All of them would tell her to stay in Denver, don’t come home and risk your spot in your already minimal part. Nini could hear her mothers telling her they’d get whatever refund they could for the plane ticket. It made her head hurt. She _needed_ to go home. She desperately wanted to have the sleepover that she and the girls had been planning, to go on a date with Ricky, to snuggle with her parents on the couch while they watched movies. She wanted to sleep in her bed and have a family dinner with Lola and invite Ricky, Kourt, and Red too because they’re all her family. 

“I’m surprised nobody told you,” Trevor said. 

“They shouldn’t have had to. We’ve all got the rehearsal schedule, I should have paid more attention to those dates. I guess part of me must’ve just assumed those were mistakes cause it was supposed to be our break.” Nini sighed in defeat. They continued to walk, now in silence. When they reached her dorm building Nini thanked Trevor for seeing her back. “Of course,” he said. “I’m sorry about the whole Spring break thing, but we usually have fun hanging around and going into town. I know it’s not home, but it can still be a pretty good time.”

Nini gave him a forced smile and said goodnight. When she got to her room she sat on the floor, staring at the dark screen of her phone. She was supposed to call Mama D and then Ricky, but she felt ill whenever she thought about the pain that Ricky would surely feel when she told him.

Eventually, she tossed her phone aside with a sigh, deciding that there was nothing wrong with putting off the unpleasant talk for just a little longer. Nini decided to shower, get a snack, and clean up her room a bit. And then, because she still wasn’t ready to face them, she tried out a few new hairstyles, planned her outfits for the rest of the week, studied for a test that she didn’t really need to study for, and painted her nails. By the time that all of this was done, it was nearly ten and Nini knew she’d only have time for a quick call with her mom, so she could probably put off the news until tomorrow, and Ricky had been quiet tonight which usually meant he was with Red and she could just talk for a minute and then listen to them play video games. 

Just as Nini picked up her phone to make her first call, the screen lit up with Gina’s contact. Nini looked at it for a moment, confused. She accepted the call, “Gina? Hey, what’s up? I was just about to call my mom and then Ricky so I don’t have too much time to talk.”

“Nini,” Gina said. She sounded off, there was something in Gina’s voice that Nini couldn’t put her finger on. “It’s Ricky. There’s been an accident.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes! I realize this chapter is short, but I knew where it needed to end and I didn't want to force more content into just to make it longer. Not that it was terribly subtle, but did you guys catch that foreshadowing in here? The 'person walking over my grave' comment that Nini makes, that's the exact moment of Ricky's accident cause soulmates, ya know? Anyway, the next chapter will be up soon! Like, depending on how quickly people read and respond to this one, I might even be willing to post it tonight.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so we're all on the same page, this plot is brought to you by a comment that someone left a couple of chapters back. I love it, but I would never have had it in me to be this mean to my babies without that comment. If you want to ugly cry like I did while I wrote this, I recommend listening to TSwift's "Soon You'll Get Better", The Fray "How to Save a Life", and Coldplay "Fix You" while you read. I don't really think this chapter needs any trigger warnings, but it does deal with some heavy material - injuries, vomit, mortality, anxiety. I think that pretty much covers it.

Fear. That was what Nini had heard in Gina’s voice. It was fear. For Ricky. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t move. Nini sat still on her bed with Gina on the other end filling in details that Nini wished didn’t exist. She was in such shock that Gina’s words just float right past her. She caught something about Denny's, a car, and the hospital. But the word that woke her up is surgery, “Woah, wait, Gina. I need you to slow down and repeat everything,” Nini said. 

“Okay.” She heard Gina take a long breath, “We all went out to Denny’s after rehearsals, today was kind of weirdly warm so he and Red were excited to be able to ride the skateboards home. Anyway, it was a little before eight so it was pretty dark out. I guess that they were riding across a kind of busy street and there was a distracted driver that ran a red light. Red said that the car was gonna hit him, but Ricky must have seen and he pushed him out of the way, but that meant that Ricky got hit instead.” Nini could hardly breathe, and she could hear that Gina was struggling. “It’s terrible, but it’s kind of a good thing too because Red had forgotten his helmet, but Ricky was wearing his. If Red had been hit he- well- yeah.” Gina stuttered to a stop, but she didn’t have to finish the sentence. They both knew where it went. 

Nini wanted to be mad at Ricky, for being reckless and putting himself in harm's way, but she knew that she’d do the exact same thing if given the chance. Gina picked back up, “So we were all at the hospital and he was hit on the left side so that’s where most of the damage is. They said something about broken ribs, a punctured lung, a broken arm, and collar bone, but he was awake and talking and things seemed kind of okay, but then-” Gina broke off in a choked sob and Nini had never been so scared in her life. She could hear Gina trying to pull herself together and someone on the other end sounded like they were trying to soothe her. Eventually, another voice was coming through the phone. 

“You there?” It was Ashlyn. Nini made some kind of sound so that she’d know to continue, “Right. We were in his room with him about an hour after the accident and he was awake and talking and they were waiting on head CT scans, but then he kinda started to look spacey and he stopped making sense, he was like talking in circles, and he went really pale and we called in the doctor and everything kind of went crazy from there. Apparently, there was a lot of internal bleeding and they took him back to surgery. That was about an hour ago. We’ve all just been sitting and waiting for an update.” 

Nini opened her mouth to respond, say something, anything. Instead, her stomach made a violent twist and she threw her phone down as she bolted off the bed to vomit in the small wastebasket that sat beside her desk. She barely had anything in her so she mostly gagged for awhile. Anytime she started to compose herself the mental image of Ricky’s body being struck by a car and slammed to the ground assaulted her and she was heaving again. 

After a few minutes, she crawled back to the side of her bed, taking the basket with her, she reached up to grab her phone she put it on speaker and sat it beside her. “Ash?” Nini said. 

“Yep,” Ashlyn’s voice came back meekly. “You alright.”

Nini almost could laugh, what kind of a question was that? No. She was not alright. “Yeah,” she said. “My dinner just didn’t know how to stay inside when it heard all of that.” 

Nini heard other voices on Ashlyn’s end. “Who all is 'we'?” Nini asked. 

“Huh?” Ashlyn said. 

“You said ‘we’ve all been sitting and waiting for an update’, who is we?” She clarified. 

“Oh, Ricky’s dad, your moms, Red and his parents, Kourtney and her mom, Gina, Seb, Carlos, EJ, and Ricky’s mom is trying to get a flight in. So, basically everybody.” _Everybody_ , Nini thought, _everybody but me_. 

“Can I talk to Red?” She finally asked.

Soon Ashlyn had handed Gina’s phone off to Big Red. He was crying into the phone without even getting out a word to her, “Hey, Red, it’s okay.” Nini said, “he’ll pull through. I’m so glad that you’re okay.”

This made him cry even harder. “Gina said he had a helmet and you didn’t. Red, we both know what would have happened if you’d been hit instead, and we both know that Ricky would never have recovered from that. He never would have forgiven himself,” she spoke firmly so that there was no room for Red to question her. It pained every inch of her to say those things, obviously, all she wanted was for the boy who she loved more than anyone to be alright, but she knew that it was the truth. 

Big Red still couldn’t speak. Nini felt her own tears running down her face as she listened to his anguish. “Hey, Red. They said that Lynne is flying home. Do you think I should try to break out of here?” 

“No,” he choked out. “I’m sure Ricky would love to have you here, but he’d also feel really guilty about pulling you away from school and your show. Besides, you’ll be home for spring break in like what? Ten days?” 

Nini’s words caught in her throat, shit. If she couldn't get home now, she had to go home for break. Her mind was made up then and there to never tell them about what Trevor had told her. Who cares if she lost some stage time? How could that matter when Ricky was in such poor shape? Before she could speak, Nini heard a commotion on Red’s end. “It’s the doctor,” Red quickly said. 

She could vaguely hear someone talking on the other end, and she didn’t hear anyone bursting into hysterical tears so that seemed like a good sign. Still, Nini sat on her bed in agony for several minutes waiting for Red to return to the phone. 

“Nini?” her head turned quickly to the phone, surprised by the voice coming from it. 

“Mommy?” She sobbed, Nini had never wanted to hug her mom so badly in her life. 

“Hi Baby,” Mama C said gently. “We just talked to one of his OR nurses, he said they probably still need a couple more hours with him in surgery. There was a significant amount of damage to his lung and kidney, but they’re not beyond repair. The head CT came back clear, thank god. We’ll have a better picture of his condition when they’re done, and even more so when he wakes up, but that could be quite a while.”

“Mom, I need to come home,” Nini said. “I need to be there with everybody. I need Ricky to know that I’m there, what if something happens?” 

“Nini, what you need to do is go to bed, so that you can go to class tomorrow. I know this is terrible and stressful. I know you’re scared, but all of you kids need to trust that he’ll be okay and you need to keep busy so that you don’t obsess. Ricky wouldn’t want that for any of you.” Nini got the sense that her mother was talking to all of her friends in the waiting room now as well. This was what happened when one of your parents was a therapist. They often became everyone’s therapist. 

“Did Ricky’s phone survive?” Nini asked. 

“You Gen Z's certainly have weird priorities,” her mom chuckled. “But, yeah I think Mike’s got it.”

“Okay, I’ll go to bed, but promise me, if Ricky wakes up and I’m not available you’ll give him his phone.” 

“Okay?” Her mom agreed, despite her obvious confusion. 

“Alright, I love you so much, mom. Can you give the phone back to Gina, I want to make sure she’s okay,” Nini said. 

“Of course, I love you baby. Keep your ringer on and we’ll call the minute we’ve got an update.”  
After a moment the phone was handed over to Gina, Nini could hear the exhaustion in Gina’s voice when she answered. 

“Hey, Gi. I just wanted to say thank you for calling me,” Nini said. 

“Of course,” Gina replied. “Everyone kept telling each other to call you, but I think we were all just scared to be the one to break the news, but someone had to do it.”

“Right. I know it’s scary, believe me, I’m terrified, but everything’s gonna be okay. It has to be.”

Gina let out a slightly strangled noise and Nini couldn’t help but hear how much Gina cared about Ricky. Whether platonically or romantically didn’t matter, it was obvious that Gina loved him. “I really hope you’re right, Nini.” 

The girls said their goodbyes and hung up shortly after. Nini quickly dialed up Ricky’s number. As expected, it rang until it went to voicemail. _'Hey it’s Ricky, leave a message!’_ Even the sound of his voice was almost enough to unravel her right now. At the tone, she pulled herself together to speak, “Hey, Ricky. Hi, love. I just wanted to leave you this message so that you’d know that I’m here with you, always and I love you so much. Mom thinks I need to stay here until break, but you say the word and I’ll be on a plane. Hell, I’ll hitchhike if I have to. I know you’re gonna be okay because you wouldn’t-” _leave me like that_ , “because you’re so strong. Okay. I’m gonna go. I love you, Ricky. Call me as soon as you can.”

Nini ended the call. She crawled over to her closet and pulled out one of Ricky’s sweatshirts, she tugged it on over her head and then dragged herself back into bed. For a moment, Nini contemplated going to Faith or Gwen’s room, just so that she wouldn’t have to be alone, but that would mean having to tell them what happened. It would mean that she’d have to say the words and then everything would be completely real. Nini wasn’t ready for that yet. She put on a playlist of gentle music and tried to focus on the melodies instead of the aching inside of her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't stress this enough: I was already in bed, lights off, alarm set, cat snuggled up, going to sleep. And then my phone started going off with twitter notifications and comments and now here we are. In case anyone was wondering the line that made me fully sob when I wrote it was Nini having that thought that Ricky "wouldn't leave her like that" when she left him the voicemail. Yeah, I broke myself with that one. Anyway, everybody say 'thanks Grey's Anatomy' for teaching me all of the fake medical stuff that I finally found a use for in this chapter!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to apologize for this in advance. 
> 
> TW: pain, some description of physical trauma, talk about death, general mentions of sex (literally someone makes one joke, but still), a little bit of vomit, and a little bit about needles. I'll put it this way, nothing in her is explicitly graphic, but writing it brought up some unpleasant memories for me from my own life, so please read at your own discretion. If you're following this story, but don't want to read this chapter, leave me a comment or contact me on Twitter (@NiniAtTheYAC) and I can give you a general synopsis!

When her phone woke her up at four in the morning Nini felt as though she’d never slept at all. In her exhausted haze, she shuffled around, struggling to find her phone for a moment. “Hello?” She said once she finally did find it. 

“Hi, Nini.” 

“Hi, Mr.Bowen.” She always felt a little ridiculous calling Ricky’s dad Mr.Bowen, but Mike felt too casual still and Mr.Mike sounded bizarre. When she was a kid she called him dad often, but once her relationship with Ricky became more romantic that started to feel weird too. 

“I sent everyone home a few hours ago, but your moms said I should call you first when I had any news.” His words made Nini’s body feel numb with fear, “He’s out of surgery. His doctor is great although she was speaking with a lot of medical jargon so there was some stuff that I didn’t understand, basically, I think there were some complications and blood loss, but he is stable as of now. He’s still not awake though.” She could hear the exhaustion in his voice. Nini had never wanted to be home more. 

She could so easily see what this would look like if she were still in SLC, where she belonged. She would be the only one to stay at the hospital with Mr.Bowen. They would split a pack of Twinkies from the vending machine, not because either of them was particularly fond of Twinkies, but because they’ve always been Ricky’s favorite. And both of them would know that without having to say it. She would be there to write things down while the doctor spoke so that they’d have a better picture of what was going on. When Mrs.Bowen, or maybe since they were separating she was just Lynne now, either way when she arrived Nini would willingly sit between them to ease the tension. Ricky’s parents had always been so sweet to her, they treated her like their own, so one of them probably would have put their jacket over Nini’s shoulders at some point, since hospitals are always so cold. And it would be so hard, but now that Ricky was out of surgery, they’d all go back and sit by his side while they waited for their favorite boy to wake up. She should be there. Nini knew that she needed to be there to see his brown eyes open and spark with a light that she knew existed only for her. 

Hearing that he _still_ wasn’t awake almost made Nini feel like he must be waiting for her. The thought broke her, like a water balloon thrown to the ground. “Mr.Bowen- Dad, I should be there. Ricky needs me. I need to be there,” she suddenly burst. After all the fear that had assaulted her in the past few hours, finally, she just felt an overwhelming sadness. 

“Hey, Nini, sweetheart, it’s okay. Ricky- he’s gonna be okay. I know he is. He’s always been stubborn, so it’ll be on his own time, but he’ll wake up and he’ll recover, and if he’s lucky I might let him back on a skateboard when he’s thirty,” Mike said, and Nini let out a watery laugh. “Ricky would want you to stay at school. He knows how prestigious and important that school is. I know he’s looking forward to seeing you in, what is it now? Nine days?”

At first, Nini nodded, forgetting that he couldn’t see her. “Yeah,” She finally said. 

“Our boy’s gonna be okay, Nini. He’s gonna be so happy to see you, but he can wait nine days. I promise I’ll text you as soon as he’s awake, and I’ll facetime you with him the minute he’s up to it.”

Taking a deep breath Nini tried to accept that Mr.Bowen was probably right. She just felt so useless and distant all the way in Denver. “Okay,” she said. 

“Alright, I’m gonna go sit with him for a bit, hopefully, I can catch a couple of hours of sleep in there myself. Lynne isn’t supposed to be arriving until about eight this morning.” 

He and Nini said their goodbyes and hung up, looking at the clock, she saw that it was still not too far past four. Knowing that Ricky was out of surgery. That his dad could sit by his side now. It made Nini feel just a little bit better. She closed her eyes and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep. 

\---

Although Nini woke up and went to classes later that morning, in many ways she felt like she was still walking around in a dreamlike state. All she could do was hold onto her phone like a lifeline. She waited impatiently for the text from Mr.Bowen that Ricky was awake. That he could still speak and feel all of his limbs and remember everybody’s names. As hours rolled by she just wanted to hear that he was awake no matter what state he was in. 

When Gwen asked her what was wrong, Nini had a full-on break-down in the dining hall. This quickly drew the attention of her other friends and just about everyone at the school. Trevor sat beside her, holding her hand, while Nini choked out the details of the events. Eventually, she had gotten out the words and a heavy silence sat over the room, while she continued to cry. Gwen hugged her tightly and Nini buried her head in the girl’s shoulder. She hadn’t even realized how much she needed to lean on someone until she was there, but Nini was eternally grateful for her friend at that moment. 

At ten am the text finally arrived, thankfully Nini was between classes so she saw it immediately. From Lynne: _Happy to tell you that Ricky is awake and doing well, all things considered. He wanted me to tell you how much he appreciated your message and he’d love to talk when you have the time._

Nini was so relieved he was awake, he was talking, and he knew who she was. That was enough to check off about half of her list of fears. As much as she wanted to call him immediately, she knew that realistically he must still be exhausted and she wanted to talk properly, not just for a minute in the school hallway. Smiling to herself, she texted Lynne back to let her know that she’d received the message, that was insanely happy to hear it, and that she’d be done with rehearsals at six today. 

\---

And what an agonizing rehearsal it was. The whole world seemed to move at half of its usual pace. By the time the day ended she was a disaster, thankfully her friends did their best to cover up what a mess she was at rehearsal by making mistakes, helping her through the dances, and quietly reminding her to pay attention. She owed all of them, big time, but for now, she just needed to get back to her dorm so that she could call Ricky. 

She quite literally ran out of rehearsal the moment that they were dismissed. Throwing herself into her room, the door shut, and bags on the floor, she was dialing his phone number by five minutes after six. The phone rang several times while Nini bounced on her toes in the middle of her room. Finally, Mr.Bowen answered. “Hi, Nini. Punctual as ever,” he teased her. 

“Hi, is Ricky awake? Is now a good time to talk?” She asked without missing a beat. 

“I don’t think there’s a drug strong enough to put him to sleep right now, not since Lynne told him you’d be calling this evening.” Nini felt a blush color her cheeks, and heard a muffled groan and talking that she couldn’t make out in the background, she knew that it was Ricky and her heart nearly burst. “Alright, you’re on speaker now, kid,” Mr.Bowen said. 

“Hi, Nini! How are you holding up?” Lynne jumped in. Nini paced back and forth in her room, desperately wanting to speak, but also not really trusting what might come out of her mouth right now. Certainly not with his parents present. 

“Hi,” she finally said, and Nini cringed at her own voice. She sounded just about as strangled as she felt. 

“Nini?” At the sound of his voice, her pacing came to an abrupt stop. God, he sounded awful.

“Yeah. Hi.” She could still barely choke out a word. _Seriously, could you just calm down already_ , she mentally berated herself. 

“Hi,” Ricky’s hoarse voice came through her phone. “So, yeah you’re on speaker, cause I’ve got all kinds of lines and needles going on and they’ve got me all hopped up on pain meds so my coordination isn’t the best, but now that I’ve got you my parents are gonna step out and get something to eat.” Nini heard the chorus of complaints from his mom and dad but they seemed to follow Ricky’s request. “Hi love- No, mom, shut the door all the way, stop eavesdropping and walk away, it’s a phone call what do you think we’re gonna do? Sorry. Nini, you there?” 

“I’m here,” she said very much trying not to cry. “I love you,” she blurted out in a way that almost reminded her of his confession after the musical. 

After a pause, he responded, “I love you too.” 

“I just- God, Ricky, I was so afraid I was never gonna get to say that to you again. I was so scared for you. How are you feeling? Are you in pain? I mean, I know you mentioned pain meds but sometimes even those aren’t enough? Have you seen Red yet? I talked to him earlier today when your mom said you were awake, but he’s been pretty quiet I think he’s really shaken up by all of this. Has anybody else been in to see you? I can’t even remember If I’ve talked to my moms today it’s been such a blur. God- not that- I mean, I’m sure this has been a way worse day for you I just- we- communication, ya know? Anyway, it’s been hell and I love you.” Nini ran out of air and took a few breaths, “You there?” 

“Yeah, of course. I know you’re just word-vomiting cause you're stressed, but it’s still really nice to hear the sound of your voice.” Nini sat on the edge of her bed, feeling her chest flutter. “I honestly didn’t catch everything, but I’m feeling… well, like I’ve been hit by a car.” 

“Woah! Way too soon, Bowen!” Nini reprimanded him. 

“Right, sorry," he said, but she could hear that there was still some amusement in his voice. "I don’t feel great. Red came by after school, so did Gina, Ash, and Seb. I think the rest of them are coming tomorrow. Mama C came by and she brought me a teddy bear who we’ve decided to name Franklin. He just looks like a Franklin, you’ll have to trust me on this one for now. And, no, you haven’t spoken with your mothers today. They were not very pleased with you for that so you might want to call them after we talk. And, god, I’m so sorry for putting you all through this.” Nini noted that his voice sounded strained, she guessed it was from the collapsed lung probably making it difficult to get enough air. 

“It’s not your fault Ricky, you did the best you could in a horrible situation. You saved Red’s life and as long as you’re okay, I’ll be alright. I just-” she could barely force out the words, “I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you.”

“That was the worst part. When it first happened and I was laying in the street and I could barely breathe and Red was screaming and crying and I couldn't really talk. I think that's what’s gonna give both he and I nightmares for awhile. But I kept thinking to myself that if you were there, you’d know what to do. You would have been calm. You would have kept your head. Me and Red, we were a total mess.” Ricky let out a pained laugh and Nini felt mildly better, hearing that he still had his sense of humor intact. 

“I would not. I would’ve been a disaster too. Did Ash tell you I threw up yesterday when she was giving me the details?” 

“Yeah,” Ricky conceded. “But Red also said that you knew just what to say to him on the phone yesterday when all he could do was cry, so you’re better than you give yourself credit for.”

“Well, so are you,” she said. “The worst part is that this is really gonna put a damper on my spring break plans.”

“I’m sorry what?” Ricky asked, incredulously. 

Nini paused for a beat, “Are we still alone?” 

“Yes,” he sounded hesitant. 

“You know, I was totally ready to jump you when I got home for break. Lingerie and candlelight, the whole nine yards, Bowen,” she teased. 

“No, stop. I know your kidding, but that's not fair. You should definitely still plan on those things. I am confident that I will be in perfect shape in nine days. Ya know, maybe minus the broken arm, but we can work around that.” Nini let out a suppressed laugh. 

“Nah, I think you’re gonna have to wait till summer to be wooed now,” she said. 

“You’re a tease and I don’t appreciate it SalRobs,” Nini could hear his smile in his voice. 

“You might not like it, but you do love me.”

“Yeah," he said, "I do.”

\---

Every day felt like a year as it dragged by. Waiting one more week to see Ricky already had seemed insurmountably long, but after the panic and fear of almost losing him, she was more anxious than ever to be by his side. Every morning, Ricky and Mike would Facetime her while she did her hair and make up for school, every evening she would Facetime with Ricky and some combination of parents for dinner, and every night she would lay with him on the phone until she fell asleep. She hated that she was truly becoming one of those lovesick, co-dependant, girlfriends that she had always scoffed at. When they were together back in SLC one of the most important things to them was finding a balance between their friendships and their relationship, but now all of that had gone out the window. Faith and Trevor, in particular, liked to give her a hard time, but Gwen was always the one to remind them to be sympathetic, though truthfully Nini was pretty sure that was just because she was a hopeless romantic. 

But even with all of their phone calls and facetime, it still wasn’t enough. Nini thought that she’d give up a whole day of talking with him just to hold Ricky’s hand for five minutes. Five days after the accident it occurred to her that she had heard nothing about Ricky being sent home, even though he seemed to be doing really well. He had gotten his IV out and was even starting to walk again. When she asked him about it that evening Ricky told her that he’d been running a low-grade fever and it was probably nothing, but they couldn’t let him go until the fever let up for a full day. 

On the morning of the sixth day, Nini called him while she began her makeup, and when the facetime connected on the fourth ring she immediately knew that something was wrong. “Ricky?” She said. 

“Hey, Nins,” he said, clearly trying to sound casual. He looked like he hadn’t slept and he was shivering despite the sweat that glistened on his forehead. 

“What’s- what’s going on?” Nini could barely speak. She had talked to him twelve hours ago and he seemed fine, all things considered. 

“So, that fever? It got worse,” her heart broke for him. Ricky sounded so defeated. “I’m just so tired Nini, and I want to be home when you get here. I don’t want you to spend Spring break visiting me in a hospital. I kind of wasn’t feeling great yesterday, but they kept saying I was gonna be fine so I acted like I was, but look,” he put down the phone to hold his hand over it, and she saw that the dreaded IV had been relocated. He picked the phone back up telling her, “I’m a pincushion again.” 

“Hey,” Nini said, reaching out reflexively to hold him, but realizing he wasn’t really with her she pulled her hand back feeling as if she’d been burned. “Ricky, you’re gonna be okay, and I’ll be there to see you in three days, no matter where you are. Wherever you are is where I want to be.”

She saw a peaceful expression cross his face. “I love you so much,” he said. 

“I love you too,” she reassured him. “I feel like I should let you sleep, you seem pretty tired.”

“Yeah, I am. I just can’t get warm enough, but also I’m really hot. I don’t know, it’s weird.”

They said their goodbyes and Nini hung up, but the anxious knot in her stomach refused to let up.

\---

Word had spread to all of Nini's teachers that she had a family emergency back home, so she’d been allowed to have her phone during classes and at rehearsals. Thankfully, Ricky had been doing well, so it hadn’t been much of an issue, but that changed that afternoon. At one o’clock, Nini’s phone started ringing, she checked the caller ID and left class without a word. Once she got out in the hallway she answered, “Lynne?”

“Nini. Hi,” she said. Nini could hear tension in her voice, and even worse she could hear Ricky in the background. He was crying, moaning, and violently throwing up. 

“What’s going on?” Nini asked although she was fairly certain she already knew. 

“Ricky’s condition has deteriorated this afternoon, they’re not exactly sure what the cause is, but there’s some fear that he could develop sepsis. I spoke with your parents, they both agreed that it would be a good idea for you to come now.”

Nini couldn’t find words. If all of the adults were suddenly on board with her heading home early then things must be serious. She stood frozen in place and time as Lynne continued to speak, “I have a lot of frequent flyers points so I’m using those to book you a flight. Do you think you can pack and be at the airport in time for a four pm flight?”

It took a moment for Nini to register that she had to respond. “Um,” she said, still dumbfounded, “yes. I- yes, of course.”

“Okay, we’ll arrange for someone to come pick you up from the airport. Sound good?”

“Is Ricky dying?” Nini burst out, finally having found her voice again. 

There was a painful moment of hesitation before Lynne spoke, “I don’t know.” Ricky’s mom had never been one to sugarcoat the truth, “But I do know this, my son loves you very much and nothing will make him feel better than seeing you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are gonna hate me, but this chapter wasn't originally gonna be a cliffhanger, and then it got really long and this was just the place that it made sense to cut it. I will have the next chapter up in the next few days, Sunday and the latest. I feel like it's important to walk a fine line between building emotion and suspense and dragging things out unbearably. I don't want to rush through the drama, but I also don't want to abuse my readers, but in all honesty, I have very limited experience with writing for an audience. I always love reading everyone's comments, they seriously make my day and inspire me so much. So, please let me know what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think this chapter needs any trigger warnings, I mean, obviously, there's some medical talk and talk about death, but there's nothing terribly intense or descriptive, but if you feel differently at the end please don't hesitate to let me know.

Sitting in the airport just hours later, Nini still felt numb. “No, Mama D,” she said. “I’m okay, I swear. I just need to get home. I’ll feel better once I’m home.” She tried not to whimper when she spoke, but just the thought of home was nearly enough to unhinge her. How long had it been since she was home? When had Ricky visited? It must have been a month or so. 

“I know that you’re okay, I just worry,” her mother said gently. Nini hated it when her parents spoke to her like that. Like she needed to be handled with kid gloves, she didn’t need to be coddled or protected, she needed to be treated like an adult who could make her own decisions. Part of her was just livid with both hers and Ricky’s parents. Here, she had been saying for almost a week that she should come home to be with him, and all of them said no and made that decision for her to stay at school, and now what? What if something happened? What if they were the reason she never got to say goodbye? How would she ever forgive them for that? 

“Mom, I gotta go. The plane is boarding soon. Who’s picking me up in SLC?” Nini asked. 

“Big Red volunteered,” Mama D said. “I’d like to come get you myself, but I think Mike and Lynne need some adults here to keep them sane, emotions are running pretty high, and apparently Todd is trying to come down since it looks like it’ll be a while yet before Lynne goes home.”

Nini nearly scoffed, “Then Lynne should go home because Ricky wouldn’t want that.”

“Nina,” her mother said sternly. “I know that you feel very protective of Ricky, but she’s the one who bought your ticket to come at such short notice. Not to mention the fact that she's his mother and she’s an adult-”

“And she’s not the one who’s sick!” she interjected, in all honesty, Nini didn’t even really understand where all of her hostility was coming from, she almost never back talked to her parents, but she was so angry and all of her emotions were rubbed raw. “Lynne should do what’s right for _Ricky_. Not her, or Todd, or anybody else. He loves her too much to see when she’s being selfish, but that’s what it is.” Honestly, Nini didn’t know if she was talking about Ricky’s mom or herself at this point. She knew that _she_ should have been there, doing what was right for him all along.

Clearly, her mom had picked up on her subtext, “Nini, you did nothing wrong by staying at school these past days. Ricky told you that himself plenty of times. You’re going to see him in just a few hours. There’s no need to project-” Dana cut off abruptly, there was some shouting in the background that sent Nini's anxiety through the roof. “I’ve got to go, baby. I love you. Big Red will pick you up at the airport.” Her mom hung up without waiting for an answer and Nini was left staring at her shoes in the airport. She tugged the sleeves of Ricky’s sweatshirt down over her fingertips. She couldn’t stop shaking and she didn’t know if it was because she was in some kind of shock or if it was because the airport was always unnecessarily cold. Probably both. 

Ever since she spoke to Lynne that afternoon, it was all that she could think about, she had asked if he was going to die and Lynne, Ricky’s own mom, said _I don’t know_. Nini didn’t know how to stop hearing that in her head on a loop. It was consuming her. 

Thankfully, her plane was finally called to begin boarding. 

\---

Nini never hated flying, but she certainly had always felt that the best part of flying was landing. Feeling your stomach settle and your feet return to solid ground, but today she barely experienced that. Even when the flight had ended and she’d run with her backpack and carry-on off of the plane and straight into Red’s arms, she still felt like she was floating. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Nini whispered to him through her tears. 

Big Red couldn’t speak, but she felt his head nod against her shoulder. “I’ve really missed you,” he said after taking a moment to collect himself. A sad smile spread across Nini’s face, she pulled back just enough to kiss his cheek. “I missed you too,” she told him earnestly. 

For a moment, Nini thought that her friend looked so young and afraid, it reminded her of the Red that she had known when they were little. He was always afraid. He taught her to be careful when she walked and not step on ants, he cried when he got paper cuts, and he couldn’t sleep at nap time when there were thunderstorms. A lot of kids made fun of him for his sensitivity when they were little, but Nini had always been sensitive too so they were kindred spirits, and Ricky, well he was so used to the ways that he had to be gentle with Nini that it wasn’t hard for him to learn the ways to take care of Red too. 

Nowadays, Nini and Red took care of Ricky a lot of the time, but when they were kids Ricky was the outgoing, adventurous, courageous one of the group. It was funny how life worked sometimes, Ricky had taught his friends to be brave, and as they’d gotten older he started needing their bravery to protect him. “Ricky’s gonna be so happy when he sees you,” Red finally said with a fond smile. “We tried to tell him we were bringing you home, but, well,” his face sobered, “he’s pretty out of it so I’m not sure he totally understood.”

Nini took a step back, reaching for Red’s hand and squeezing it tight, “Ten bucks says he’s gonna cry,” she tried to joke. 

Red smiled once more, “Oh, for sure,” he said.

\--- 

Nini still felt like her insides were twisted in a pretzel the whole way to the hospital. She and Red tried to distract themselves by catching up, he told her all about the progress with Little Shop, which was currently straining without Ricky there to play Seymour, and Nini tried to speak in vague and positive ways about the YAC, she didn’t need to elaborate on that disappointment right now. 

When they finally reached the hospital, Nini was nearly ready to jump from the car. Honestly, she would have if she’d have known where to go without Red. The way he seemed to drag his feet made her even more anxious. 

At long last, they reached his floor and headed towards the proper hall, Red had gotten a text from Mike, apparently, Ricky had been relocated to be as near to the nurse's station as possible. Mike’s message explained that, although his condition warranted it, they didn’t want to move him to ICU if they could help it. The ICU would mean limited visitors, restricted ages, only family members allowed after certain hours, and generally a lot more chaos, so this was their solution for now. As they made their way to the hall, Nini could feel tears pooling in her eyes. Turning the corner, she immediately saw all of the friends that she’d been yearning for, well all but one. 

Nini stopped dead in her tracks, but apparently, Kourtney didn’t need to hear anything to know that she was there. Her head snapped up, “Nini!” She cried. In a moment everyone, Kourt, Carlos, Seb, Ash, Gina, and even EJ were out of their chairs and running to wrap her up in a tight hug. Nini fought to keep from crying. “Hey guys, I’ve missed you all so much,” there were a thousand other things she wanted to say. More meaningful things. But all she could really think about, even while being reunited with all of her closest friends, was Ricky. 

Slowly, they released her and one another. Gina was the first to speak, “Most of the adults just went down to get dinner, but Mr.Bowen is in there. Ricky’s been asleep pretty much all afternoon. We’ve all been taking turns sitting with him, but since it’s getting kind of late we were just waiting to see you before heading home for the night.” Nini nodded in understanding. 

The sea of her friends dispersed to go collect their things and she stepped towards the thick wooden door with his name scrawled on the whiteboard beside it. Nini looked at Red once more, he gave her a reassuring nod, “I’ll still be here for a while,” he said. She felt better knowing that he wasn’t going anywhere just yet. Nini finally turned and she gently pushed open the door. 

Nothing could have prepared her for that moment. It wasn’t even that he looked so terrible, it was just that, well- there he was. Ricky. Her precious Ricky, who could have left her, who still might leave her. There he was in front of her. Flesh and blood and breathing. It was enough to take her breath away. Nini stepped further into the room, and Mike’s eyes opened at the slight disturbance that she caused. A warm smile quickly brightened up his features. He stood up, slowly pulling his hand out of Ricky’s grasp, Nini saw him lean down to whisper something to Ricky, though she couldn’t hear what, then he came across the room to wrap her up in a tight embrace. “It is so good to see you, sweetheart,” he said.

“Yeah, you too. Although I wish it were under better circumstances,” she said. “I’m gonna go sit with him. Do you think it would be a bad idea for me to wake him?” 

Mike shook his head, “He’s slept almost all day. I’d say you’re fine to wake him up for a bit. If you can, maybe try to get some water in him.” Nini nodded in understanding.

Finally, she made her way over to Ricky’s bed. Her heart broke for him, he looked so unbearably uncomfortable. Twisted up in his hospital sheets, his gown disheveled, mouth hanging open just slightly, his normally bouncy curls were damp and matted, and his arms were at weird angles to accommodate the IV, cast, and surgical incisions. Nini came closer, leaning over him, she pressed a gentle kiss to Ricky’s forehead, before leaning her own against it. Finally, the feeling of floating, only half existing, began to ebb away. It was like the plane had finally landed. She could take a whole breath and trust that the Earth was beneath her feet. She was really and truly home. 

Nini brought her hand up and allowed her thumb to caress his cheek, for a moment just one thought consumed her mind; she was so grateful for the existence of this boy. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open. He seemed to be in a haze that he was struggling to clear. After a long moment realization came across his face, his voice cracked when he spoke, “Nini?” 

“Yeah. Hi, love. It’s me. I’m here.” She tried to reassure him. His eyes began to sparkle with tears, “Am I dead?” Ricky asked. 

“God, no,” she said with barely contained desperation. “No, Ricky. I’m just home. I needed to see you, and I was tired of waiting. Plus I heard that you weren’t feeling great, and I know how much you hate being sick.” Nini soothed him, sliding her hand back so that her fingers could run through his damp hair, brushing it back from his forehead. He was like a furnace, she couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable it must be inside his body right now. 

“I missed you,” he said while tears that he didn’t even seem to notice slowly dripped from the corner of his eyes. 

“I know,” she said, kissing each of his temples. “I missed you too, love.” 

“I feel like garbage, Nins,” he sighed. 

Her heart constricted with anxiety for him, “Yeah, but you just gotta hold on a little bit longer. It’ll get better, I promise.” 

“It’s a little bit better now that you’re here,” Nini couldn’t help the bemused smile that came to her face. “You’re so pretty,” he said. _Even half coherent on a hospital bed he’s still a flirt_ , she thought. 

“Honestly, bud, you’ve looked better,” she teased him and was relieved to see a small grin on his face. “But that’s okay, you’ve got your brains and humor to make up for it.” He laughed, although it was really more of a heavy exhale. Clearly exhausted, Ricky’s eyes drifted shut.

“That’s not very nice,” he said. “You should be nice to me, I think I might die.” Nini’s blood went cold. “Mom keeps crying and dad seems pretty freaked out. Plus, you’re here early.” She could hear what a struggle it was for him to speak. She guessed this was more talking than he’d done all day.

“Ricky. Look at me,” she said, holding his face more firmly in her hands. After a beat, his eyes opened and blearily met hers. “You are not dying. I forbid it,” her voice shook and her throat ached. God, she was so sick of crying. 

Ricky stared at her for a moment, he looked as though he were seriously considering something. Finally, he said, “Well, if you say so Nini. I’d do anything for you.”

“You’re damn right, I say so,” she echoed him. His eyes shut once more and she leaned into him. Nini paused for a moment before pressing a slow, and somewhat desperate kiss to his lips. She felt him respond, but she knew that he didn’t really have anything in him to return the intensity of her yearning. She pulled away to press kisses in quick succession on the corner of his mouth, his cheeks, temples, between his eyes, and the tip of his nose. 

She wished that she could crawl into his bed and fit herself against his side so that he would feel her there and she could be surrounded by him, but she was afraid of hurting him, plus there were all kinds of wires and restraints going on. She settled for pulling the chair towards the top of his bed and laying forward onto Ricky’s pillow, her head resting next to his and it dawned on her that there was still one thing she desperately needed him to hear before he fell back asleep, “I love you, Ricky.”

He smiled, almost imperceptibly. His head turned towards hers, “I love you too, Nins.”

\---

It was hours later before anyone disturbed her, a hand on her shoulder finally jolted her awake. Sitting up, Nini immediately registered a terrible kink in her neck from the awkward position she’d been sleeping in. She sat up to roll her head a bit, trying to relieve the tense pain. 

“Nini?” Mama C said, “Sweety, we let you two be for as long as we could, Lynne took Red home about an hour ago, Mama D left too. It’s time for us to go home.”

As relieved as she was by her mother’s presence, Nini couldn’t let her mom drag her home. She knew she was right where she needed to be. “No,” Nini pleaded. “Please, mom, I need to stay with Ricky.” 

Nini glanced back down to see that, despite his IV, Ricky’s right hand had found its way into her grasp while they’d slept. Her mother looked at her apologetically, “Honey, it’s just the hospital policy. He can only have one overnight visitor.” _Right_ , Nini thought, _Ricky's dad is gonna stay with him overnight. That makes sense._ It still hurt her heart to let herself be taken from his room. 

“Ya know what?” Mike chimed in, “I’ve spent every other night at the hospital for the last week. Nini, if you don’t mind being woken up every hour or so by the nurses, I wouldn’t be opposed to a night at home. I know he’s in good hands with you.” 

Mama C looked incredibly anxious at this idea. Nini gave her a desperate look, “Mom, please?” 

“Well,” she said after a moment of hesitation. “I suppose you do already have clothes with you. It makes some sense. I just- Nina, no funny business.”

“Funny business?” She deadpanned, “Mom he can barely stay conscious, what funny business could we _possibly_ get up to? We couldn’t even sext let alone-” it was at that moment that a startled cough from the other end of the room reminded her that Mr.Bowen was very much still present. Nini blushed and thanked god that Ricky was asleep and didn’t have to hear this exchange. “I mean, not that we would. Or that we have! I’m just saying that we couldn’t, even _if_ \- ya know what, I’m gonna stop while I’m ahead.”

Her mom laughed, “You still think you’re ahead?” She teased. Nini’s face burned even hotter, but she laughed despite herself. “Anyway,” Mama C said, “point taken. Go change into pajamas and grab something from your carry-on to wear tomorrow and I’ll head out.” Nini gently removed her hand from Ricky’s grasp and got her clothes, heading to the small bathroom in his room without looking up. She couldn’t risk making eye contact with either of the adults in the room right now. She cringed, hearing their laughter as the door closed. 

Nini looked in the mirror, and -yikes- the fact that her mom felt the need to discourage ‘funny business’ right now really was laughable. Ricky was barely functioning and she looked like the living dead. She changed, splashed some water on her face, brushed her teeth and hair and reemerged. 

Mike was by Ricky’s side now, her mother quickly came over to her, she gave Mama C a tight hug and they both whispered a loving goodbye before her mom left for the night. Then it was just her and the Bowen boys. She slowly made her way to sit beside Mr.Bowen. After a moment he spoke without pulling his gaze away from Ricky, “I still can’t believe that he drove to and from Denver, completely sleep-deprived, to see you and made it back without a scratch, and then it’s his skateboard, right here in Salt Lake, that lands him in the hospital.” 

“I just still can’t believe that he drove all the way to and from Denver to see me,” Nini said with a light laugh. 

Mr.Bowen smiled, “No that doesn’t surprise me at all. He’s crazy about you, Nini. He always has been.” Nini blushed, looking towards Ricky, she was crazy about him too.

Nini felt Mike briefly wrap an arm around her shoulders and press a kiss to the top of her head. She had never had a dad of her own. To be honest, she never really wanted one. She loved having a house of just women. Just her and her moms, but when they were kids it could have been hard. There were always ‘Doughnuts with Dads’ twice a year in elementary school. Those might’ve been times when she would have wished for a dad, but Ricky always made his dad sit between the two of them, the way that all of the dads with two kids did. Ricky had always shared his dad with Nini so lovingly and willingly, and when Lynne and Mama D had to work during the ‘Muffins with Mom’ mornings, Mama C would be there for of them, and Nini was happy to share too.

No matter how old she got, Nini could never forget those days. Mike was and always would be the closest thing to a dad that she’d ever known. His faith in their relationship made Nini’s heart swell. Mr.Bowen let go of her and Ricky at the same time. “I should go,” he said, standing to collect his things. “I’ll see you two in the morning, kiddo.” She smiled and said goodnight. 

Finally, it was just her and Ricky again. Nini curled up in the lounge chair beside his bed, reaching the short distance to the bed to twine her fingers through his. “So, Ricky, I know you're asleep, but I just wanted to tell you that your dad overheard me make a sarcastic comment tonight about us sexting and I think it might haunt me for the rest of my life.” She whispered to him smiling and feeling, despite everything, at peace by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! We're all back together again! I hope this reunion was enough for now. Also, I rewrote the last scene of this chapter about five times and I still think I hate it a little, so I hope that that's just me, and it doesn't actually come across poorly. Finally, thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone reading, leaving comments, tweeting about my work, and leaving kudos. I seriously can't even begin to say how much I appreciate all of your support. I might update tomorrow, but realistically it will probably be Monday.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you wanted to read it first, I published a one-shot earlier this week called "Slowly Fade Away" which is a deleted scene/one of my attempts at writing the end of ch.13. I didn't feel like it needed to be in the actual story, but I kind of liked it so let's call it chapter 13.5. It can be read before or after reading this ch.14 (or not at all), but it includes the conversation referenced by Ricky's nurse at the beginning of this chapter. Again, I don't think this chapter needs any TW but let me know if you feel otherwise after reading it and I'll gladly add it!

Evidently, Mike Bowen had not been exaggerating when he said that nurses would be coming in every hour. Nini could hardly remember a night in her life when she slept worse, and that was really saying something considering all that had been going on as of late. But all of that discomfort and sleep deprivation was worth it at six am. 

“You seem to be coming around a little bit,” Nini heard Ricky’s nurse speaking to him softly. “You slept through pretty much every visit I made last night, but I got to know your girlfriend pretty well.” They both laughed softly, Ricky still sounded hoarse and tired, but he was laughing so she took that as a good sign.

“Well then you already know the better half of this relationship,” Ricky said. “Honestly, I woke at some point in the night and saw her next to me and I could hardly believe it, cause I definitely thought that I had just dreamed her up yesterday.” Nini's heart swelled, hearing all the affection he had for her even when he didn't know that she was listening.

“Well,” Nurse Meg said. “If she’s not real then we’ve got bigger problems because I’m totally seeing her too.” Nini heard the nurse ask about Ricky’s pain on a scale, then maneuver around with a new IV bag, and scribble on his charts for a moment. “Alright, try to rest, I’ll be back in an hour to get your breakfast order.”

Ricky thanked her and as the door clicked shut Nini felt him squeeze her hand, “Alright, miss, so when did you wake up during that conversation?” Nini peeked an eye open and slowly looked up to meet his gaze. She gave him a sly smile. 

“I heard enough, Bowen,” she said squeezing his hand back. She sat up so that she could see him more properly and he really did look better today. There was no longer a sheen of feverish sweat across his forehead, and his eyes were much clearer than they had been yesterday. “Hi,” Nini said, feeling like she hadn’t even properly seen him the night before. Last night she was a fragile version of the boy she loved, today, although he was certainly not as robust and energetic as he usually was, he looked and sounded like Ricky again. 

He scrunched his nose at her affectionately, “Hey, wait,” he said with worry in his eyes. “You’re here. You’re supposed to be at school, but you’re here.” 

“Ricky, I am so over worrying about where I’m ‘supposed’ to be. I’m right where I _need_ to be,” she reassured him.

He still looked slightly pained, “I just never want to be the thing that stands between you and your dreams.”

“Relax, love,” Nini said, reaching one hand over to brush his hair back from his face. “I weighed my options, and I chose to come be with you. Let’s not overcomplicate it.” 

His eyes were overflowing with affection, “Come up and lay with me?” Ricky asked. 

“I would, but, in case you haven’t noticed, you’re a little bit of a mess,” she said. “The last thing I’d want to do is accidentally hurt you.”

Ricky looked at her pleadingly, “You won’t. I’ll grant you, my left side is a bit of a disaster, but my right side is just the IV and oxygen monitor," he said, holding up his hand with bandages covering the back and a glowing red index finger. "I think we can work around that,” Ricky concluded. After a moment of consideration, Nini decided that he was probably right. Plus she desperately wanted to lay next to him. 

Carefully maneuvering his line out of the way, Nini settled onto the bed and curled up against Ricky's right side. She smiled as she felt his relieved exhale. 

\---

At eight a.m. Nini was woken up again, but this time it was by the incessant buzzing of her cellphone, which sat charging just out of her reach. She tried not to disturb Ricky while she disentangled herself from him. She quietly reached her phone to find out who was trying to reach her. “Shit,” she muttered quietly to herself. 

“Hello?” She said, answering the call while stepping into the aggressively bright hallway. 

“Nina!” Faith practically screamed, “Where the hell are you? Yesterday we saw you leave class and you didn’t come back, we assumed something happened, but we didn't know what. We figured when you didn’t show up at rehearsals that you were just in your room dealing with stuff, but I was banging on your door for like five minutes, so what gives?"

“I’m not in my room. I’m in Salt Lake,” Nini said, matter of factly. 

“What? No, you need to be here!” Faith still sounded distraught. She sighed, “Look, Trevor said he made that clear to you; nobody leaves for break or else they’ll basically take you out of the show.” 

“Yeah, Faith, he did but Ricky got worse and I didn’t really have a choice.” Nini pleaded with her. 

“I’m sorry, but you need to get back here ASAP. It's just- like, do you realize what an amazing opportunity you have at this school?” Nini didn’t know why but something in her just snapped. Maybe it was because she had heard people tell her how great the YAC was one too many times when in reality the YAC had mostly been a nightmare. 

“You’re right, Faith. Going there is amazing and a great opportunity, but I am a talented singer. My voice and my hard work, they’ll continue to open doors for me, hopefully even in places where you can be treated and cast fairly.” There was a heavy silence between the girls. It had been a while since they’d acknowledged the whole ‘traditional casting’ situation. Nini had tried not to resent the people who were cast in main parts, but it just never could sit right to know that they had fundamental advantages against her that she had no control over. “I appreciate your concern for me, but I’m going to be fine. I’m gonna be here for Ricky because he really needs me right now, and then I’ll be back at school a week from Sunday and whatever part is or isn’t waiting for me when I get back, that’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” Faith said after another long pause. “I hope that Ricky’s okay. I’ll see you when you get back.” She hung up without another word and Nini was left, standing in the fluorescent-lit hallway. Her head spun for a moment, letting old self-doubts creep in. Was she making a huge mistake? Was she messing up the only shot at a singing career that she’d ever have? Putting her phone in her pocket, Nini brought her hand up to rub her eyes. She took a deep breath, shand tried to refocused, _No_ , she said to herself, _I am not making a huge mistake. I’m not throwing away my chance. I’m prioritizing. I’m being realistic. There’s a difference_. She felt like she could almost hear her mother saying those words to her, trying to remind her that life is never as black and white as it seems, the answer wasn’t always: stay with Ricky and have no career, _or_ put yourself first and have independence and success. Most of life existed in the grey spaces. 

If she had come running home to be sheltered by Ricky and her friends the minute that things got hard in Denver, then she might have a codependency problem, but this whole situation was entirely different. Nini heard her name being called from down the hall and quickly worked to straighten herself out. “Hi, Lynne,” she said greeting Ricky’s mom with a hug. 

“Are you alright, sweety?” Looking at Lynne, all Nini could think about was how harshly she had spoken about her on the phone with her mom yesterday. Not that Lynne had any way of knowing about that, but it still made Nini’s stomach knot with guilt. 

“Yes,” she finally said. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just needed a minute to wake up and breathe, ya know?”

Lynne rested a hand on Nini’s shoulder and ran her thumb back and forth, “I understand completely. I don’t think I’ve really slept since Mike called to tell me about the accident.”

“Me either,” Nini said, “but he seems like he’s doing a little bit better today. He was awake earlier and we talked for a little bit, so that’s an improvement.” She fidgeted uncomfortably. Nini had never quite known what to do with Lynne Bowen. On one hand, Lynne had always been kind to her, when she and Ricky were little, Lynne would take the two of them to the movies and to the park. It was always an adventurous event when Lynne was in charge of them, but that was part of the problem. Lynne was a huge presence when she was there, so when she was gone, which was most of the time, it was impossible to not notice her absence. For every great memory that she had with Lynne and Ricky, Nini had three more memories of Ricky crying on her shoulder about his mom. About her leaving for a business trip, not making it to the Christmas pageant, forgetting his parent-teacher conference and fighting with Mike about it, or just getting home too late at night for Ricky to see her before he went to bed. 

“Well, if you want to go down to the cafeteria I can sit with him for a bit,” Lynne said. 

“Oh, yeah, um, I just need to change first.” Nini gestured to her pajamas. Lynne laughed, “Right, that might be a good plan.” Both women entered Ricky’s room and were surprised to find him awake. His whole face lit up when he saw them, “Mom, you’re here.” Nini’s heart melted a little, he sounded so relieved to see his mom. 

“Yeah,” Lynne said. “I’m here to relieve Nini of her duties for just a little bit so that she can go eat and take care of herself.” Nini watched her sit beside Ricky taking up the space that she had slept last night. Ricky deflated a bit, “You’re heading out?” He said, and Nini could hear that he was fighting to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

“No, love, I’m just heading downstairs to get something to eat, I won’t be gone long,” she reassured him. After changing, and trying to make herself look halfway decent she headed back into the room. She planted a quick kiss on Ricky’s forehead, “I’ll be back soon,” she said, and he smiled at her as she left.

As Nini made her way to the cafe she texted in the group message: “Hey guys, just wanted to update you all. Ricky is looking a little better this morning. He’s talking coherently and his fever is still going down.”

It had hardly been thirty seconds before Gina and Ashlyn called her to ask for more details, and the three of them caught up and celebrated the small victory while Nini had breakfast and the other girls got ready for school.

\---

By the time Nini got back to Ricky’s floor, she realized that she didn’t actually know his room number, and in trying to look for the right hallway she had gotten herself quite turned around. She tried calling Lynne and Ricky, but both of their phones went to voicemail. Finally, she called Mama D who luckily was already at the hospital and in Ricky's room, she told Nini to go back to the elevators and stay put.

After just a couple of minutes, Nini saw her mom coming down the hallway and took off running to hug her. “Mom!” she cried as she crashed into her arms. 

“Hi, Sunbeam, I’ve missed you so much my sweet girl,” her mom said holding her tightly. Mama D always had the more composed exterior of her parent, but she was an endlessly loving mother, not that Mama C was any less loving, it’s just that Mama C loved everyone with her whole heart pretty much from the minute she met them. Mama D took time to win over, but once she loved you there was no going back, you lived at the center of her heart forever. Nini loved that about Mama D, it was nice to be unconditionally cared for by someone who only _really_ loved a couple of people. 

Sunbeam was the nickname her mom had given her as a baby - since life could be full of rain, but Nini was her shining light from the minute she came into the world, she had turned all of the rain into rainbows. 

Nini’s mom pulled away just a little so that she could take her daughter’s face in both her hands. “You look terrible,” Mama D said, making both of them laugh. 

“Gee, thanks,” Nini deadpanned. “Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but things have been a little stressful lately.”

Mama D scoffed, “Oh, believe me, I’ve noticed. But things are looking up, right?” Nini nodded, trying to let herself feel hopeful about everything. Not just things with Ricky, but at school too. She knew that she needed to come clean to her parents during this break about all of the problems she'd been having at the YAC, or else they might enroll her again for next year and start making non-refundable payments. “By the way, I spoke with your Lola this morning and while she can’t wait to see you for family dinner on Sunday, she said she would understand if you wanted to cancel so you can be with Ricky.”

“No, of course not!” Nini said, “Ricky will be fine without me by then; however, Kourtney and Red have been saying how much they miss you and mom and I had been planning on having all three of them over for family dinner during the break. Obviously, Ricky’s not gonna be up for that, but would it be okay for Kourt and Big Red to come?” 

“Of course,” her mom responded, with a fond smile. Taking Nini’s hand she said, “Ready to head back? They’re probably wondering what’s taking so long.”

\---

On Saturday, Nini arrived at the hospital with Kourtney and Big Red after going to breakfast. When they got there, the three of them were immediately met with the best news they’d heard in a long while. Ricky’s fever was gone, his labs were clean, his IV was out again, and as long as nothing went awry he would be allowed to go home tomorrow afternoon. 

To stop herself from squeezing Ricky too tight in her excitement, Nini squealed and hugged Kourtney with all of her strength. Ricky seemed so happy to finally find the light at the end of the tunnel in the hospital stay. He had been between these four walls for eleven days and Nini couldn’t even imagine how claustrophobic he must be getting. 

The four of them hung out all afternoon. They watched a movie, played heads up- or tried to anyway- it was difficult for Ricky to play with one arm slung in a cast, they were even able to take Ricky down to the cafeteria for lunch. Nini smiled so much that day that her face was aching by the evening. Spending time together, just the four of them, it felt like old times. Like recess in fifth grade, like long summer days by the pool, like sixth-period lunch in eighth grade. It was the way they were supposed to be. By eight, Kourtney was sitting in the hospital lounge chair, pulled up close to Ricky’s bed. Nini sat partially on Kourtney with her legs laying across her friend's lap and a hand reached out to hold onto Ricky’s. Big Red sat on the foot of Ricky’s bed, talking excitedly about the progress he’d made in creating the huge puppet for the Audrey Two plant in Little Shop. Kourtney occasionally had something to add or correct in his story, and Nini was happy to just sit and listen. 

“Anyway,” Red continued with his story. “The hardest part isn’t even the shaping or the sewing, which Ashlyn taught me how to do and she says I’m a natural, by the way. No, the hardest part is making sure that it doesn’t get too heavy, because in most productions there are several people working the puppet, four I think, but we only have two people to work it so it’s gotta stay as light as possible. But it also has to be big enough to eat people so we can’t cut back on the size, it all comes down to the material-” 

“Hey, kids,” Mike Bowen said, entering the room and cutting off Red’s story. “Sorry, Red, but I was just informed by the nurses that Ricky’s overdue for his next dose of pain meds, so he needs to go ahead and take those now. How are you feeling, bud?” He asked Ricky.

“Yeah, it’s getting a little sore,” he admitted and received accusatory looks from everyone because they knew that if Ricky was saying it was a ‘little sore’ that really meant that he was in a lot of pain. “Guys, they knock me out and I’m so sick of sleeping. I just didn’t want to cut our time short.”

Nini softened at his explanation, “Ricky, you need to take care of yourself, we still have time to be together.” She squeezed his hand.

“Yeah, but not the four of us. Usually, I see one or two of you at a time, or it’s the whole gang and I miss it just being us four.” He said, behind her, Nini heard Kourtney’s “Awww!”

“I hadn’t really thought of that but you’re right. We’ve got to do this more often,” Red said, giving everyone a sweet smile. It made Nini laugh to think about these two, who went through a brief phase in middle school of pretending to be tough guys who never cried, they were both such softies, and she never wanted them any other way. 

\---

On Sunday, Nini was waiting at Ricky’s house when he finally got home. As the front door swung open she jumped up from the couch and ran to greet him. She froze for a moment when she finally saw him. She could hardly let herself think about how close they all came to never seeing this again. Just Ricky standing in the entryway to the house, Nini giggled, completely overwhelmed with joy, and Ricky stared back at her with a wide grin consuming his face. 

She finally made it the rest of the distance to him, and carefully wrapped her arms around him for a hug. His right arm came around her shoulders to hold her close to him. She felt Ricky press a kiss to the top of her head and it shocked her that after all this time she still got butterflies from little things like that. She pulled back to look up at him, “Hi,” Nini whispered.

“Hi,” he said gently, before bending down to kiss her. Part of Nini was concerned about his parents walking in through the very open front door, but most of her was consumed with longing after all of the fear and lost time. Her hands threaded through his hair which was freshly washed and just a little bit damp. She couldn’t fight the smile creeping onto her face. 

Ricky pulled away, “I can’t kiss you when you’re smiling,” he teased her.

“Sorry, I’m just way too happy right now,” she said kissing his cheek. 

“Alright, break it up you two,” Mike said, entering the house. Blushing, Nini stepped back taking Ricky’s right hand in both of hers. Since he was still on pretty strong pain meds, the doctors wanted Ricky to limit his stair use, so Mike had set up a bed on the couch for Ricky that morning. 

Shortly after they had him settled, Lynne had to leave. “Baby, I love you so much. I’ll come back and visit you as soon as I can, or you can come stay with me and Todd for a bit.” She said kneeling in front of Ricky while he lay on the couch. Nini hated that Lynne would even suggest that. Everyone knew that Ricky had no interest in meeting Todd or visiting Chicago. Nini knew that he could come around to it, they all knew that, but he deserved to do that on his own terms and in his own times. Lynne needed to stop pushing it. 

Ricky’s face said everything, “Uh, yeah. Maybe. I don’t know,” he looked so terribly uncomfortable. Nini could hardly suppress her anger. 

Lynne kissed Ricky’s hair and hugged him gently, “I love you so much, my sweet boy. You are never allowed to scare me like this again, you got that? You outlive me, end of story, son.” Ricky’s bright smile returned with her affection, which almost made Nini even angrier. _See,_ she thought, _Lynne, you have the power to make him smile so easily, it shouldn’t be so hard for you to keep him happy. He does way too much of the work for you._

__Mike left to take Lynne to the airport and Nini was in charge of babysitting Ricky for a couple of hours. Shutting the door, she came back to the living room to sit on the loveseat. “So,” Ricky said, “we’re finally alone. Is this the part where you jump me?”_ _

__Nini gave a startled laugh, “Honestly, I’m just impressed that you remember that conversation.”_ _

__“It’s not one I’d likely forget, SalRobs,” he said with a wink._ _

__She shook her head, “Then you’ll recall that I said it was gonna have to wait till summer when there’s no chance of me accidentally breaking you, or, let's be real, you accidentally breaking yourself,” she said._ _

__“Damn,” he pretended to pout. “Well, at least come closer, you’re so far away over there,” he said stretching out his good arm towards her. Nini grinned and moved off of the loveseat to sit on the floor in front of the couch. From his spot behind her, Ricky wrapped an arm across her shoulders and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “I feel like I haven’t said it enough, but I love you, Nini. So much.”_ _

__She felt her cheeks grow warm, “I love you too, Ricky,” she said. “So much.” Eventually, they decided to put on a movie so that she’d have something to do while he dozed since he was fairly wiped out after the adventures of showering, dressing, and making it home. Although he was still on the couch and she was on the floor, Nini could feel the way that his whole body gravitated towards her. Like a magnet, she felt pulled into him too. His arm was still around her, which he had insisted was comfortable, although she was sure it wasn’t, while he closed his eyes. Nini watched the movie and drew gentle patterns on the back of his hand._ _

__It was such a relief to be out of the hospital. No more IVs or nurses. No codes being called. No more uncomfortable, plastic-covered, furniture. It was so good to have Ricky back where he belonged, and it was even better to be able to be there with him._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so patient with me getting this chapter to you! I'm in my last semester of college right now (getting a degree in English literature and creative writing!) and I'm a children's dance teacher, so life is seriously a juggling act. Writing for all of you makes me SO happy, but sometimes I just can't find that time. This chapter ended up pretty long, so hopefully, that makes up for the wait a little bit! Please tell me if you catch any errors in it and let me know what you think! I love reading everybody's comments!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think it needs any warnings, but let me know if you disagree! Also, feel free to tell me if you notice any mistakes!

Originally the plan was that Nini and Lola would spend the day together cooking all of the Filipino foods that she had been missing so desperately. Unfortunately, or maybe, fortunately, depending on how you look at it, those plans had had to change. After spending most of Sunday afternoon with Ricky, Mike Bowen returned and it was time for her to go home. 

Nini quickly gave, a still very tired and disoriented, Ricky a kiss goodbye and told him she’d be back in the morning, then she practically ran the short distance back to her house. Bursting through the front door, she saw that everyone else had already arrived. “Nini!” Mama C said, “Come on in, the pizza just got here.” 

She took off her shoes, leaving them neatly by the door before running to hug Lola. Mama D’s dad had passed when she was in high school, and Mama C’s parents well… it would suffice to say that they were not the most open-minded individuals. So, Lola was the only Grandparent, really, the only relative that Nini had ever had. “Beautiful girl,” her grandmother sighed as they hugged. “I’ve missed you so much.” Nini felt herself getting a bit choked up. 

Pulling away to place a gentle hand on Nini’s cheek, Lola asked, “And how is that young man of yours? I’ve been so worried about him.”

Nini’s heart warmed; knowing how much all of her family loved Ricky always made her so happy. “He’s okay. Just got him back home today. I know he really wishes that he could be here, hopefully, next time,” Nini said, blushing, she turned to Kourtney and Red who were settled at the dinner table with her parents. There was an open seat beside Red that she assumed was meant for her. “Hey, I’m so glad you guys could make it!” Nini took her seat and quickly got some food. 

After filling everyone in on Ricky, the conversation easily flowed between them from one topic to another. Lola filled Nini in on the romance between two of the residents at her assisted living home, Bert and Willa, that Nini had been keeping an eye on for months. Red blushed the entire time that he talked about Ashlyn, but he said that she had brought him to the baking club a couple of times and he liked it so much that he was thinking about joining it next year. Kourtney gushed about her oldest sister’s baby, Leah, Nini still couldn’t believe that her best friend was an Aunt, they all looked at pictures on Kourtney's phone, and it was crazy how big she was getting already. Mama C talked a little bit about work, mostly about the new interns that they’d gotten working in the office who were so well-meaning and yet entirely incompetent. And then Mama D accidentally walked right into the topic that Nini had been dreading and desperately hoping to avoid. 

“Well, my job at the firm is as stable and boring as ever,” she said. “But it helps that I have Nini’s show to look forward to. I feel like you’ve been keeping it kind of under wraps, but I guess you want to keep it a bit of a surprise?” Mama D smiled warmly at Nini as she spoke until she saw the pain cross her daughter’s face. 

Nini tried to cram everything down, she felt the truth rise in her like a tide and she begged it to go away, hold off for just a little longer, but it couldn’t be kept in, “I hate the YAC.” Nini practically gasped out, “It’s terrible and I’m barely in the show, in fact, I don’t know if I’ll be in it at all by the time I get back-” she paused for a moment at the shifting surprise in the faces of everyone around the table. “It’s a whole thing, doesn’t really matter though. The point is, you guys probably shouldn’t put yourselves through a total of twenty hours worth of driving to see the show, and I definitely don’t want to go back next year.”

No one spoke for a long moment after Nini finished, finally Big Red broke the silence, “Thank. You.” he said and everyone, Nini included, gave him a confused glance, “Ricky told me months ago that _something_ was up there and you weren’t happy but he wouldn’t say what and I wasn’t supposed to ask or tell anyone. It’s been terrible… also, Ashlyn knows.” Nini wanted to be mad, but she couldn’t find an ounce of anger in her, instead, she just had to laugh. 

“That is the most ‘Ricky’ thing ever,” she said. “Telling you enough but not enough because he needs to talk but he wouldn’t break his promise to me.” She sighed with affection for her sweet boyfriend. 

“Nini, why didn’t you tell us?” Mama C asked she sounded hurt which made Nini freeze for a moment. 

“It’s just every time I would convince myself to say something, somebody would tell me how much they missed me, but that it was worth it because I was living my dream, and I didn’t know how to tell people that we were missing each other for nothing. Plus, I know the school and my move there hasn’t been cheap, and it’s not refundable, and I feel horrible for costing you both so much for something that’s been such a letdown.” 

“Nini,” Mama D said, “I would have thought that you’d know your happiness is worth everything to us. We could have made something work.”

“But, I did make something work. I made the YAC work and I made myself work there. It’s been hard, but I know that some of it has been really good for me.”

“Growth and change. That’s the only guarantee of new shores, isn’t it, love?” Lola said sharing a meaningful look with Nini. 

\---

A couple of hours later, Mama D was taking Lola home. Mama C was cleaning up from dinner. Big Red had left, and Kourtney was with Nini in her room. “I wish you would have told me,” Kourtney said, while she painted Nini’s nails. 

“Kourt, I didn’t want to give you anything else to worry about. I know that we don’t talk about it enough, but you’ve had your own stuff going on. You’re an aunt now, and you’re finally in a show at EHS, and don’t think that I haven’t seen how much you and EJ talk in the group chat.” Kourtney’s head snapped up, their eyes met and Nini gave her a reassuring look, shrugging her shoulders, “Point is, I knew that you had your own stuff going on, and I had Ricky to talk to about it so I wasn’t just dealing with it alone. But I also didn’t really know how strongly I felt about it until just the other day.”

“What do you mean?” Kourt asked as she refocused on Nini’s fingernails. 

“Well, apparently nobody is supposed to go home for Spring Break because even though we get the week off of school, they still have rehearsal and they can just take you out of your parts all they want if you’re not there,” Nini spoke casually about the whole affair, and was relieved to find that she really did feel quite unconcerned with the whole situation. 

Kourtney’s eyes went wide, “Does Ricky know that you being here could cost you your part there?”

“No,” Nini said. She tried to keep any iciness out of her tone, but she was so sick of other people second-guessing her decisions and questioning her actions, and she was even more sick of other people’s opinions about her relationship with Ricky. 

“And you think he’ll be okay if he finds out?” Kourtney asked.

“It doesn’t really matter if he’s okay with it. I came home for the break because it was what I needed to do for him and for everyone, but mostly for myself. I needed to be away from that school and I really needed to see him. I was being eaten alive with worry. Besides, I barely have a part to lose.”

“Okay,” Kourt said. “You’re right. You did what was right for you as much as anyone else, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t have come home, I just know that he feels like a burden a lot of the time, even when he isn’t one.” Nini sighed, she took a moment to remind herself that Kourtney was Ricky’s friend too and she had every reason to care about both of them. 

“I’ll make sure that he understands, I promise,” Nini said as Kourtney finished the topcoat on her last pinkie. “Wow, they're so pretty, Kourt!” She held up her hands to admire her nails, light pink with sparkly silver nails on the ring fingers. 

“Thanks, Neeners,” Kourt said, smiling. Nini had always been in awe of all of her friends’ talent. Not only could Kourtney sing and act, but having two older sisters meant that she’d had experienced teachers in all things hair, makeup, nails, and fashion. 

When they were little, Nini really resented Kourtney for being lucky enough to have two, cool, pretty, older sisters. Now, she knew that Kourt and her sisters had never had an easy relationship. Kennedy was the oldest, eight years older than Kourtney, and Jada was in the middle, two years younger than Kennedy. Kennedy was almost like a second mom, but Jada had never wanted a little sister and she had no problem reminding Kourt of that any chance she got, even now that they were older. 

“Hey, didn’t you tell me a couple of weeks ago that your family might be going on vacation?” Nini said, suddenly remembering an old conversation they’d had on Facetime. 

“Yeah,” Kourt deflated a bit, and Nini knew exactly what that meant. “We’re leaving on Wednesday. I tried to get them to wait ‘till summer, but mom and dad want to see the baby while she’s still a baby, and Jada said she might not be free in the summer, which is not true but whatever.” 

Nini gave her a sympathetic look. Kourt had a tendency to minimize her own problems and feelings, but Nini could tell that she was struggling to keep her cool about this. She stayed quiet and waited for her to elaborate. 

Finally, Kourtney sighed, her eyes shifted down to her hands. “I really wanted to spend spring break in SLC, so that we could hang out. I’ve missed you a lot, Nini. But I also wanted to be here so that we could all get together. At thanksgiving, Seb had that party and I couldn’t come, and now that’s gonna happen again. But when I tried to, like, open up to my family and explain all that during our group Skype Jada said ‘Well it's four against one, so doesn’t really matter what you want’ and everyone just sort of got quiet for a minute and no one defended me or disagreed with her. I don’t know why but it’s been really hard for me to get those words out of my head.” Kourtney blinked hard a few times, looking up to the ceiling to keep from crying. “Sometimes, I’ll go to open my mouth and say something and then I remember what she said, that it doesn’t matter, that I don’t matter, and then nothing comes out.”

Nini’s heart broke for her, “Hey,” she said, squeezing Kourtney’s hands tighter. Kourt finally met her gaze. “My talented, beautiful, amazing, irreplaceable, best friend - you matter. You matter so much to me, and my moms, and our friends, and to your family too, even if they suck at showing it. You deserve to be heard and listened to, and I’m so sorry that they made you feel otherwise.” 

A small stream of tears escaped Kourtney’s eyes, leaving Nini slightly speechless. In all the years that they’d been friends, she could count on one hand the number of times that she’d seen her friend cry. With nothing else to say or do, she threw her arms around Kourt and hugged her tight. “Nins, your nails-” she protested.

“Are nowhere near as important as you,” Nini interrupted, feeling relieved as Kourtney hugged her back. 

\---

While Kourtney took a shower, Nini was in her room getting ready for bed. While she wipes off her makeup she decided to give Ricky a quick call. “Hey, beautiful,” he said, answering her call. Even just the sound of his voice was enough to make her smile. 

“You don’t even know what I look like right now,” she teased him.

“I don’t have to. You’re always beautiful,” Ricky said, matter-of-factly.

“Babe, don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re already dating there is no need for terrible pickup lines like that,” she heard him laugh on the other end. “Seriously, it’s a little embarrassing,” Nini tried to keep up the charade but she couldn’t keep the amusement out of her voice.

“Alright, alright,” Ricky finally said. “I’m assuming you didn’t just call to give me a hard time. How was dinner?” He asked. Nini filled him in on her evening, the parts she felt he needed to hear about anyway. She told him that her family were all sending him love. After Ricky told her a bit about his night Nini realized that Kourt would probably be back soon. 

“Hey, so I’m gonna have to go, but Kourtney and Red said that there’s an emergency Little Shop rehearsal tomorrow. I was gonna go sit in on it so that I can see everybody. Do you think that you’ll be up for it?” While she spoke, Nini tried to fix her nails since they’d gotten a bit messed up earlier. 

“Um,” Ricky hesitated. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I’ll be up for it. I hope so anyway.”

She tried to reassure him, “Well, as long as you go you can probably just sit and watch. I’m _sure_ that Miss Jenn would understand.”

“Right.” He still sounded a little uncertain, “What time did they say the rehearsal starts?”

“It goes from twelve-thirty to four. Do you need a ride to school?” She asked.

“No,” he said a bit too fast. “I mean, that’s okay. I think I’m good.” Nini was about to question him, try and get him to open up. Clearly, something was bothering him. But before she could ask any more questions, Kourt returned from her shower, giving Nini a knowing look. Nini blushed and quickly told Ricky she had to go. They said goodnight and hung up. When she mentioned his weird behavior, Kourtney guessed that maybe he was just nervous about going back to rehearsals after everything he’d been through, which, Nini had to admit, made a lot of sense. 

\---

On Monday morning, Mama D was at work before the girls were up, but, as per tradition, Mama C made them pancakes. Both of the girls ate happily, enjoying the sweet, fluffy, pancakes, but even more so the feeling of nostalgia that came with them. Nini smiled to herself, thinking of all the times that she and Kourtney had sat here, at this table, in her house, with bedhead and sleep still in their eyes, eating pancakes. There was a certain kind of comfort in the way that traditions made everything feel perfectly put in place. 

“We should have all the girls over here for a sleepover tomorrow night,” she said, abruptly. “I know the plan was to do it at Ash’s house, but she hosts a lot, and- I don’t know, what do you think?” Kourtney gave her an odd look. 

“Please tell me you’re not seriously concerned about burdening Ashlyn by staying at her house when she invited us to,” she said. 

Kourt could always see right through her, she clearly knew something was up, “Okay, I was just thinking that I love this tradition. Pancakes after sleepovers. And it occurred to me that Gina’s probably never lived in one place long enough to have traditions like that with any of her friends. I just thought it might be nice to share ours with her.”

Kourtney softened up, “You’re right, Nins. We should have them come over here,” she said. 

\---

After breakfast, they both got dressed and killed a little bit of time and then, saying goodbye to Mama C, headed to EHS. Nini couldn’t stop smiling as Kourtney pulled into the parking lot. For some reason, it felt like it had been a lifetime since she’d seen her high school, and after the last couple of months away from it, she had a whole new appreciation for East High. The fact that she was about to see all of her theater friends again only made it even better. 

Kourtney encouraged her to go through the made doors of the building, rather than the ones closest to the auditorium, she said they had a little bit of time, so why not actually see the school. It was an odd thing for Kourt to worry about, but Nini couldn’t complain. 

They entered the school and walked the short distance to the ledge that overlooked the cafeteria. Glancing down into that famous space, she saw that there was one table opened up and standing in the middle of the floor. Without explanation, Kourtney grabbed onto her hand, “Come here,” she said, tugging Nini over to the steps and then down them until they reached the lone table. 

“Kourt, what the hell is going on?” She asked, laughing, as Kourtney put her into a seat. 

Then she heard a familiar voice, “You ready?” Big Red said. Nini looked up to see both of them at the rail of the cafeteria landing. Ricky was holding a basketball, while Red held a small bouquet of daisies. Nini beamed as everything began to make sense. Ricky gave her a quick wink before getting back in character, “Yeah,” he said. 

“It’s now or never, man.” Red held up the bouquet, “The garden club is rooting for you.” Ricky reached out to take the flowers, but Red forced him to hand over the basketball first. The whole maneuver was a bit of a struggle with Ricky's left arm in a sling, but their attention to detail was so endearing. Even from a distance, she could see that they were both struggling not to laugh. 

“I’m goin’ in,” Ricky said as he began to walk down the stairs. 

Red followed, “Go get her.” After a few steps Ricky paused, pretending to try and chicken out, Red gently pretended to pull him back. “Hey, hey,” Red choked out, barely keeping up the act. “No. We’re doing this now. How long have you been up there?” he asked looking at his wrist which Nini saw had no watch on it. 

They made it down the stairs and walked across the cafeteria towards them, “There’s some line about his hair, but I don’t remember what, so uh, Yeah, _Chad_ , hair’s looking good.” They all snickered as The boys finally made it to the table. 

They stopped and Ricky fidgeted, looking somewhat genuinely nervous. He let out a heavy breath, and met her gaze, then began his speech. “So, uh, hey. I was kind of wondering if you’d maybe go with me? I wanted to do the whole rooftop garden thing, but I’m not actually Troy Bolton and I just don’t have that kind of sway around here. But you’re amazing and after everything we’ve been through you deserve to be asked properly.” He looked at Big Red who, like Troy had in the movie, turned around to yell. “Okay, no. Excuse me. Hey, excuse me! Everybody! Um, YO!” Red shouted, and unlike the cafeteria in the film, where everyone had gone quiet, this was evidently the cue for all of the theater kids to rush to the balcony and watch. Nini gasped looking up at the faces of all of their friends, and even Miss Jenn. “My friend has something to say!” Red yelled, continuing with the scene. 

Nini reached out to squeeze Kourt’s hand, tears clouding her eyes. Ricky paused before stepping up on the seat and then on the table, Big Red’s hand shot out just in case, and Nini let out a startled, “Oh-my-god-please-be-careful!” 

Once he had found his balance, Ricky gave her an almost painfully happy smile. She could tell how much it meant to him to be able to do this for her, and she couldn’t be more grateful for him. With everything that had been going on prom hadn’t even been on her radar, let alone the thought of being asked. “Nina Salazar-Roberts,” Ricky finally said, “would you please be my date to the prom?” 

She knew that at this moment in the movie, Taylor pretended to debate her answer, but Nini just couldn’t be bothered to care. She immediately jumped out of her seat, beaming back at Ricky. And, even though it was a struggle to speak while she tried to hold back her tears, she managed to say, “I would be honored!” 

All of their friends cheered, as Big Red helped Ricky get down from the table. Nini finally let a few tears fall, Kourtney and Red high fived as Ricky set her flowers on the table and walked the short distance to hug her. “I can’t believe you,” she said, trying to laugh although it sounded a bit more like a sob. 

“In a good way though, right?” He said pulling back to wipe her tears with his good hand. She nodded her head and tried to smile reassuringly but she couldn’t stop shaking. Guilt came over her as she watched Ricky’s face turn from complete joy to worry. “Nini?” He said, letting his fingers continue to graze over her cheek, in an attempt to soothe her. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” 

All of their friends were still there. Seeming to realize that something wasn’t quite right, they were frozen in place. She felt embarrassment beginning to crawl all over her as she made a spectacle out of herself. Finally, she couldn’t hold in the thoughts that were screaming in her head. “You could have _died_ ,” She choked out and then froze, her hand coming up to cover her mouth as if her own body couldn’t stand to hear her say it. She tried to speak softly so that Ricky could hear what she had to say, not the entire drama department, but it was so quiet that it was probably a lost cause. “I almost had to live without you. Just one step to the left or right and everything might have ended up differently and I wouldn’t ever go to prom. I couldn’t go, Not without you. I’m _so_ relieved that you’re okay, but, I don’t know how I’m ever going to shake the fear that I felt when I almost lost you.” 

Nini tried to be mindful of his injuries but her arms wrapped tightly around him, her head resting against his chest. His good arm came around her and she wished that he would never let go. She cried into his shoulder as he whispered reassurances. “I’m here. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere,” he said. She wanted to believe him, but she couldn’t forget the sight of him at the hospital, how she sat beside him and held his hand while he told her that he thought he was going to die. 

In the silence of the room, she heard Kourtney suggest that everyone give them a minute followed by the soft footsteps of everyone as they left to give her and Ricky some space. 

After the room had cleared out, Nini pulled back a bit. Her tears had almost dried up, their eyes met, “I’m so sorry. I ruined your promposal,” she said. 

He smiled softly, “It wasn’t for me, it was for you. All I wanted was for you to say yes, and you did, so no need to be sorry.” In his face she could see that there were a thousand other things that Ricky wanted to say, he simply settled for, “Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head, “I don’t even want to think about it,” she told him before stretching up on her toes to kiss him. It was the first time she felt she had properly kissed him in awhile. No risk of parents walking in or heavy meds fogging up his head, it was just them. Ricky kissed her back and in it, she could feel a sense of desperation that almost equaled her own. 

He deepened their kiss and Nini's hands gently slid to the front of his chest where she grabbed his shirt in her fists. She tugged Ricky closer, and they both stumbled a bit. Laughing as they were pulled apart by the unexpected shift. 

Their eyes met, and Nini’s breath caught momentarily. She wished that they were somewhere else, properly alone. She wished that he wasn’t still battered and bruised by his accident. She wanted to feel _both_ of his arms around her and _both_ of his hands run through her hair. She wished that there were words to express everything that she felt for him, but there just wasn’t. The look Ricky gave her seemed to say that he felt the same way. 

“We’ve got time,” Ricky finally said. Nini knew that he meant a lot by that. They didn’t need to rush any part of their relationship, she didn’t have to live in fear of losing him, they had time to love each other. 

Relief washed over her, and Nini let her head fall against him once more. With her ear pressed to Ricky’s chest she could hear his steady heartbeat. She could hardly believe that everything she held dear relied upon such a fragile and small thing.

“But, I really do need to get to Little Shop rehearsal,” Ricky said, earning a surprised laugh from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a really long chapter and it took forever to edit, but it's worth it if you guys liked it! In case anyone was interested, the reason Nini got so overwhelmed with the whole promposal is that I just feel like Nini is the kind of person who won't let herself break down when someone else needs her, and at that moment Ricky is showing that he's getting better and he's stronger and that's when Nini doesn't have to be strong or keep pretending to be okay. Plus, I love a good happy-crying to hysterical-crying moment. Okay, as always, thank you all eternally for the support that you've shown my work! I love this story, I'm so glad you're here to read it, and I'm so excited to keep bringing more of it to you.


	16. Chapter 16

“Wait! No fair!” Nini squealed, running for her life across the moonlit backyard, while Ashlyn chased after her. 

“What do you mean no fair? This is completely fair, now get back here!” At dinner, the girls had been reminiscing about childhood evenings spent playing with neighbor kids until the sunset. Kourt reminded Nini of the nights when Red and Ricky would run around with them playing Ghosts in the Graveyard in the backyard. Nini and Ash joined in sharing memories when Gina timidly admitted to never having played before. With one look around the table, it was decided that they simply had to fix that. 

Currently, on their fifth round, Nini could see Gina and Kourt already at home base doubled over with laughter while Ash chased her in circles, “I’m not even the one who found you!” She shouted, panting as she began to tire. 

“Doesn’t matter!” Finally, Ash lunged forward and succeeded in tapping her. Both of them immediately collapsed out of breath. Kourtney and Gina came running over to help them up. 

“You guys weren’t kidding, I really was missing out,” Gina said while pulling Nini up off of the cool, damp, grass. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Nini said, pretending to be annoyed, but really, she was so happy to be able to just spend time with the girls. She and Ricky had spent most of the afternoon together and he was with Red tonight, so she didn’t feel like she had to worry about him. She could just live in this moment with her friends. “I’m sure it’s a lot more fun when you’re naturally talented at literally everything,” Nini huffed. 

Gina was quiet for a moment and Nini looked up to see a somewhat hesitant smile on her face, “I’m just kidding, Gi,” Nini said, putting an arm around her. Gina seemed to sigh in relief, they had made a lot of progress, but clearly part of Gina still needed reassurance that they really were friends. 

“You girls ready to head in?” Ashlyn asked. All of them agreed, moving back inside. The Salazar-Roberts' family room looked like something straight off of Pinterest. Nini had strung up twinkly fairy lights all around the room. She draped white sheets around the windows and had made each of them a cozy space to sleep, the whole room had a soft glow to it. It had taken Nini hours to set up, but seeing the looks on her friend's faces made it worth all the work. Nini turned on the playlist she had made specifically for their sleepover and beamed when the girls immediately began to sing and dance along. 

Eventually, they all settled down and Kourtney suggested that they have some fun with all of the beauty supplies she brought. Nini was painting Gina’s nails when she spoke up, “I feel like I’m in a movie,” Gina said with a small smile. 

Nini let out a quiet laugh, “What do you mean Gi?” 

“I just-” Gina paused for a moment, looking around the room, over at Kourt and Ash who were taking turns doing each other’s makeup. She turned back to make eye contact with Nini, “I’ve never been the kind of girl with other girl friends, and slumber parties, and nicknames. It all feels so cliche, but it’s kind of great.” 

Nini beamed, it was exactly how she’d hoped that tonight would go. “Yeah, sometimes things are cliche for a reason, ya know?” She refocused on Gina’s nails, carefully painting them with vibrant red polish, before quietly adding, “I’m really glad you’re here Gina.” 

\---

When they had all set up their sleeping bags around the living room, and on the couch, the topic turned for a bit to their upcoming shows, Nini managed to dodge most of the questions she got about Grease, earning her an unimpressed look from Kourtney. 

“Not to make things about Ricky, but…” Nini hesitated, blushing, “I really can’t wait to see him in his nerdy little Seymour costume.” She sighed. The rest of the girls laughed at her. “Did you guys know he actually needs reading glasses? He owns them, he just rarely wears them, but I’ve always thought he looked adorable in them.” 

“Wow, now that’s love,” Ash teased. 

“No,” Gina said. “Nini’s right. He and I have had costume fittings and it’s a pretty adorable look.” The room was quiet for a moment. “Objectively speaking,” she quickly added. 

“Well, of course, he’s gonna look good, just cause I’m in the show doesn’t mean I’ve completely given up on my costume crew,” Kourtney said, pretending to be indignant and earning a laugh from the rest of the girls.

Nini sat back and listened to them talk, for a moment she was content to just be a quiet observer. Nini tried to imagine that this is what the three of them were like when she was away at the YAC. One of her biggest concerns, when she left, was what might happen to Kourt. Since Gina was living in Ashlyn’s house, the two of them were obviously very close, but Kourtney seemed to be happy and vibrant gossiping with the two of them. 

Nini supposed that in some way she should feel unsettled by how easily her spot in Kourt’s life had been filled by other people, but she didn’t really feel replaced. She felt relieved to see that no matter how many friends came into their lives, she and Kourt would still always fit together. 

\---

The next morning, Kourtney left early for vacation with her family. On Thursday, Gina left to go visit her mom in San Francisco. So, on Friday, Nini and Ashlyn went prom dress shopping together. Despite her reservations, Nini picked up Ash and drove them to the mall. She was a good driver, but the expressway still made her stomach turn a little bit. And after everything that had happened to Ricky recently, she was even more on edge than usual. 

Nini sighed in relief when the car was finally parked. Once they were inside, she and Ash walked arm in arm to the dress shop. “So, how are things with Red?” Nini asked. 

Ashlyn blushed, “They’re good. Really good. He might be the kindest person on the planet.” Nini felt a surge of affection towards Ashlyn, if any good thing had come out of dating EJ it was that she had been given a reason to know Ash better. 

“He is a sweetheart,” Nini agreed. “When we were kids, my mom taught Ricky how to braid my hair because it really upset me if it got messed up during the day and I could never fix it for myself.” Ash interjected with a brief, “Awww.” 

Nini grinned at her and continued, “Well, Ricky couldn’t stand to see me upset, neither could Red, but despite his best efforts, Ricky’s braids were a bit of a lost cause. So, even though I told him that it didn't matter and his messy braids were enough for me, Ricky insisted on explaining to Red how to do it, and I’m telling you he was a natural! So, from then on, Ricky would try, but ultimately it was always Red who fixed my hair, he still braids it for me sometimes.” Ash and Nini were both smiling so hard it hurt as she recounted her memory. 

“I’m gonna have to ask him to do mine some time,” Ashlyn said. 

“I’m honestly a little surprised he hasn’t already offered.” Nini teased. 

After visiting three stores and trying on about twenty dresses, both girls finally made their decisions. Nini thought that Ashlyn looked stunning in her dress, and more than anything she couldn’t wait to see Ricky’s reaction to her on Prom. 

Sophomore year, when they went to homecoming together Nini had been so stressed about making everything perfect. She and Ricky had never been to a school dance together as a couple, in fact, freshman year homecoming was a heartbreaking mess that she tried not to think about, so now that they were going together every detail mattered. She had agonized over finding the perfect dress, which ended up being emerald green and satiny with silver details at the waist. She loved the way it twirled when she spun around. She and Kourt spent hours on their hair and makeup, and in the end, everything was exactly how she’d pictured it. Right down to getting the perfect boutonniere for Ricky. Nini and Kourtney sat around with their parents waiting for the boys to get there so that they could take pictures.

And then Ricky actually arrived. He and Big Red along with all of their parents all came to the door, and when Nini saw him she could hardly breathe. She was so happy to have him there, and yes, he looked adorably dapper in his suit and tie, but mostly she was just overwhelmingly happy to have him. When she asked Ricky what he thought of her dress, he stuttered out a stream of compliments that had her blushing the rest of the night.

Even almost a year and a half later, memories of that night were still enough to make Nini smile. Looking back, that might have been the night that she _really_ fell in love with Ricky.  
\---

Saturday was her last day in SLC, at one point there had been some vague plans to get together for a drama family party but with Gina and Kourt still out of town until tomorrow, they decided to hold off. Despite how much she loved all of her friends, Nini was selfishly happy to have the whole day with Ricky all to herself. 

They spent the day at his house alternating between several soothing pastimes. Ricky was doing a lot better, but he still got tired pretty quickly. Nini spent most of the morning with his head in her lap, running her fingers through his curls, while he rested his eyes and she watched a movie. By about Noon, they had made some real progress on a 500 piece puzzle. Finally, as the sun began to set a little after six, they decided to bundle up and sit outside for a bit. 

Nini ran up to Ricky’s room, grabbing a heavy sweatshirt for herself and a jacket for him, before meeting him outback, where he was setting up a cocoon of pillows and blankets in the yard. Or, he was trying to set it up, but having only one arm available for the task was clearly causing some problems. Nini rushed to his side, grabbing the blankets out of his hand, she pressed a kiss to his already slightly chilled cheek. “Let me do it, okay?” She said. 

Ricky smiled at her appreciatively, slipping the jacket she brought him onto one arm while she finished laying out their blankets. She sat in the middle of them and patted the space next to her for Ricky to sit. They settled in, laying down with Nini fitted tightly against Ricky’s right side and his arm securely around her. After a moment of silence, Ricky spoke up, “I’m so glad that you’re here,” he said. 

Nini smiled, continuing to watch the sky as it faded to darkness, “And I’m glad I only have six weeks left at the YAC, and then I’ll be back _for real_.” She felt Ricky press a kiss to the top of her head. “I just need to get through Grease, and then I’ll be home in time for prom.” 

“I still can’t believe you won’t let me see a picture of your dress,” he scoffed. 

Nini laughed, “It would ruin the surprise! Plus I don’t want you to see it on me until it’s totally perfect, and my hair and makeup are done. It would lessen the effect.”

“You don’t need to worry so much about things being perfect, Nini,” he said, gently. She ran her index finger in small circles over Ricky’s heart while he spoke.

“Remember, when we were kids, how you and Red used to fix my braids for me?” Nini asked, he laughed, taken slightly by surprise. 

“No, I remember me trying to fix your braids for you and making them worse every time,” he said. 

Nini shifted onto her stomach so that she could look at him properly. “That’s the thing Ricky, you’ve always made everything feel better. Even if the braid looked worse, it was the fact that you were there and you cared enough to try that made me feel better about it.”

“Okay," he gave her a confused look. "Is this a metaphor for prom? Cause you’re gonna have to clarify that for me a bit." 

“No, it’s a metaphor for everything," she said. "I can’t help but be hard on myself. I always want things to be just right, but you’ve always been the things in my life that’s made things less messy,” Nini paused and let out a soft laugh, “Or maybe you’re just the only thing that's made messes bother me less.” Ricky's eyes sparkled a bit as he gazed back at her, he didn't speak, but she felt like she could hear him saying that he loved her, and it still made her heart stutter happily. 

Nini stretched up to press a lingering kiss to his lips, her fingers reached out to card through his hair. Pulling back to catch her breath, she pressed playful kisses on his cheeks and the tip of his nose. Ricky laughed, smiling so wide that his dimples showed, and even though the sun was setting and the chill of late winter still hung in the air, Nini felt warm and bright down to her very core.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this has been such a weird week for people all over the world, I figured we could all use one chapter of just pure tooth-rotting fluff. I hope, if nothing else, this brought a smile to your face. I intentionally wanted to hold off on describing Nini's prom dress, so that you guys can enjoy that with Ricky when the time comes. Also, if you're not already following me on twitter, @NiniAtTheYAC, you might want to go check it out cause I posted a one-shot over there this week, and I think I might keep doing that! (also might start an AU over there... I don't know.)Thank you so much for reading, stay healthy everyone!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: some mature language in this chapter, anxiety and mental health issues discussed, some hints at unwanted sexual or physical contact --- if you are reading this story and don't feel comfortable reading this chapter or feel that it may be detrimental to your mental health, feel free to leave a comment or dm me on twitter (@NiniAtTheYAC) asking for a brief synopsis and I'll be happy to give you one!

Arriving back at the YAC on Sunday evening, Nini all but collapsed into her bed. She laid, staring at the ceiling for a while, thinking about the day that she was leaving behind and the ones that stretched out ahead of her. 

While getting lost in her thoughts, Nini fiddled with a loose string on the sweatshirt that she’d stolen from Ricky. It had been easier leaving this time around, sure she was sad, but she wasn’t scared anymore. Leaving today, unlike last time, Nini knew where she was going. The conservatory wasn’t some big scary school that only lived in her head anymore. There were things about it that still weren’t right, and some things about it just never would be right, but she had learned to make a place for herself here anyway. But, what really comforted her in leaving today was simply knowing that if everything went wrong and she needed her friends, or her moms, or Ricky, they would still be there for her. 

Sighing, Nini rolled onto her side. She reached out to grab her cell off of her nightstand and sent a quick text to her moms: In my dorm, safe and sound, love you! She copied it and sent the same message to the group chat. Then she pulled up Ricky’s contact and texted just him: I hope the rest of your day was good. I miss you already, but only six more weeks! Not that I’m counting or anything ;)

Setting her alarm, and plugging her phone in to charge, Nini turned off the light and curled up, falling asleep in minutes. 

\---

Nini sat on her phone for most of breakfast, she felt out of sorts all day, just dreading the moment when she got to rehearsal and had to face the fallout of her choices. Nini told herself over and over that it didn’t matter how big of a part she had in the show by now. She did the right thing going home to see Ricky. What if he had died? She never would have been able to forgive herself. But the impending wrath and judgment of their director was enough to make her palms sweat and her stomach twist with nerves. 

Nini got to the auditorium early for rehearsal, she figured that if she was going to get reamed out for her absence, it was better to do it without the entire cast as an audience. Spotting their instructor in the far corner, facing away from her, and looking over papers on top of the piano, Nini made her way across the stage, which was empty save for the backdrop and opening set for the show. 

“Mr. Frankle?” Nini said, hesitantly approaching their intimidating choreographer/director. Even in her character shoes, he was still several inches taller than her. His dark hair was always swept back, and she swore he went out of his way to avoid smiling. When he didn’t acknowledge her, Nini continued to edge closer to him, “Um, sir?” she asked. He still didn’t respond; she looked around, there was literally no one else in the auditorium, was he just ignoring her? Finally, Nini took a small step forward and reached out to tap his shoulder, of course, this would be the exact moment that he would swiftly turn to face her. Nini let out a startled yelp and jumped back from him. 

“What do you want, Miss Salazar-Roberts?” He asked without an ounce of patience in his voice. 

Nini fought against her embarrassment and the instinct to cower away from him. She thought of Gina at the beginning of the school year. How she’d walked into those auditions and instantly gained everyone’s respect just by owning the room. That was how Nini needed to be. She squared her shoulders and looked her director in the eye. “Hello, Sir. I’m hoping that someone has filled you in on the family emergency that I was, unfortunately, dealing with this past week. I just wanted to check in with you before rehearsal began so that I know where I need to catch up.” 

Nini was proud of herself for sounding almost confident when she spoke. “Well, young miss,” Mr. Frankle sighed. He still seemed quite unimpressed with her, but at least she could honestly say that she wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of watching her squirm. “I would like to be very clear with you that under normal circumstances, I would have had no qualms about effectively cutting someone from the show for missing all of our Spring break rehearsals,” he paused to look her over and Nini could feel her heart pick up pace. “However, the powers that be at this school, so to speak, have said that I am not permitted to remove you from your scenes since these were extenuating circumstances.” Nini fought to keep her appearance neutral. “That being said, Trevor is one of our strongest dancers, I had paired him with you to try and compensate for the abilities that you lack, but this didn’t seem a fair thing to do to him at this point. He’s been moved upfront to partner with Emily. You’ll now be in the back row dancing with Connor,” Nini felt an electric spark of anxiety come over her. Mr. Frankle smiled with satisfaction, “Have fun with that one.” He turned around without another word, and Nini could only assume that this meant their conversation was over. 

“Thank you,” she muttered, backing away before quickly exiting the theater. She just needed a minute to catch her breath and calm down. In the empty corridor Nini stood up against the painted cement block wall, she closed her eyes and pressed her palms against the cool, vaguely slippery, surface. _Okay,_ Nini reasoned with herself, _there is no reason to be this worked up. He’s never done anything except say a couple of comments that put you off. He just gives you a weird vibe, but literally everyone else here loves him, so stop freaking out. You’re fine._

Feeling, at least partially, put back together, she headed back into the auditorium to get warmed up and stretched on stage with the rest of the cast. As she approached the semi-circle of her friends Nini was surprised by how happy she was to see everyone. Gwen, Trevor, Faith, even Layla… not Connor. “Hey, guys,” she said and it immediately became clear that something was off. Trevor gave her a look that could almost be called a smile.

Gwen was the only one who could look her in the eye, “Since you’re here, I hope that means Ricky’s okay,” she said gently. Nini watched Layla elbow Gwen in the side, making the girl flinch.

“Umm,” Nini hesitated. “Yeah, yeah. It was touch and go for a bit, but he should be fine. If he can survive the physical therapy, that is,” she tried to joke. 

After a long and uncomfortable pause, Faith finally spoke up, “So we heard the good news.” Nini gave her a confused look, which seemed to upset her even more. “Ya know, that you missed a whole week of rehearsals, and are facing no repercussions for it because of your sob story,” she had never heard Faith speak with so much venom. 

All that Nini wanted to do was cry, for better or worse, Faith was the first person to give her a chance at this school, and it hurt to be talked down to by her. “Well, I wouldn’t call it a sob story-”

“You're right. I’d call it pretty damn unfair,” Layla scoffed, and Nini could almost scream. 

The look on her face must have spoke volumes because she didn’t have to say a word for Faith to keep going, “Yeah, considering you all but told me over the phone that you don’t give a shit about this show, or about any of us.”

“I said no such thing. Faith, I answered your phone call from the hallway of a hospital after barely sleeping for a week-” 

Layla cut her off, “Oh boo - fucking - hoo, you said yourself he’s gonna be fine.”

Nini chose to ignore her, “but I would never say something like that to you because that’s not how I feel. I care a lot about this show and this school. It’s just not the _only_ thing that matters in my life right now.” Nini was proud of herself for speaking up and not letting them walk all over her, but she was starting to shake. She hated the way that five pairs of unfriendly eyes felt glaring into her. “Trevor, I heard you got moved to the front row, congratulations,” Nini said with a curt smile to him, she turned her gaze to Connor, “And I heard we’re dance partners now, sorry about your luck, but whenever you’re ready to talk let me know when you want to book some studio space so we can work that out.” Without waiting for any of them to come back at her with some snide remark Nini walked away. 

\---

Finally returning to her dorm room, Nini’s skin was crawling. Not only had that been the most tense and uncomfortable rehearsal of her life (which was seriously saying something considering her history), but on top of all of that, she could still feel Connor's hands all over her. She swore that with every run of the lifts his hands slid further and further into unnecessarily inappropriate areas. 

By the end of the rehearsal, instead of grabbing her waist or thighs, he might as well have been groping her ass and her boobs. It was ridiculous, but since all of her so-called ‘friends’ here were mad at her, she had no one to talk to about it. 

Nini took her phone from her pocket and smiled at the message from Ricky that said he was home for the night and she should call whenever she wanted. It was a relief to know that she could rely on some things in life. She swiveled back and forth in her desk chair while her phone rang, and beamed when he answered.

“Hello Love,” he said by way of introduction. 

Nini laughed softly, “Hello to you too, how was your day? You feeling okay?” 

Ricky let out a long sigh. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m okay. Things still hurt so it’s kind of uncomfortable to only be taking tylenol and sitting in class all day, and my lungs are gonna have a hell of a time with this musical.” Ricky paused, “Actually if I’m being honest, all of me is going to have some serious challenges with the musical.” 

“Aww, I’m so sorry Ricky. I know how much you’ve been enjoying this show. I hate that it’s turned into a burden,” if Nini was being honest, she was talking to him as much as she was speaking to herself. 

“Hey,” he said, gently. “It could be a whole lot worse, right?” Nini agreed and there was a short pause in their conversation. “You’re pretty quiet tonight. Everything okay there?” 

Nini froze, it hadn’t really occurred to her how she would tell Ricky about the whole Connor thing. She hadn’t mentioned it to Ricky while she was home because, well, honestly Connor had been the farthest thing from her mind at that point. She certainly wasn’t about to forget about him now. Finally, Nini decided to start from the beginning. 

“Okay, so when I came home for Spring break, there’s this, like, unspoken rule that no one does that here. Like, yes, classes are canceled, but they still have rehearsals all week and if you’re not here for your scenes they can just cut you from basically anything and everything. So when I came home-” 

Ricky cut her off, “Wait. Nins, _what_? Did you know that before you left?” 

“Yeah, everyone was telling me these horror stories about someone who decided to leave for break and ended up walking through the background of one scene by the end of the week, but that-”

“Nini!” He interjected again, “What the hell?” 

“I know, this school is messed up, but that’s not even the issue I-”

“Nini-” Ricky practically shouted. 

“Would you stop interrupting me?” She said, growing impatient. She desperately needed to get this whole Connor situation off her chest, but Ricky was making that sort of impossible with his constant talking over her. 

“No, listen, Nini. You should never have put your part at risk like that. I can’t believe that you would do that.”

“Ricky, I didn’t lose my part, they just moved my spot, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. Also, don’t know how well you remember this, but you were seriously not okay. Of course, I had to come home-”

“Yeah, but I know you,” Ricky said. It was a quiet accusation. 

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Nini responded shortly. 

“It means that even if I had been the picture of health, you would have come home anyway, and you wouldn’t have told any of us you would have just suffered in silence over losing your parts and you’d resent me and everyone else here for it and we’d-” 

This time Nini cut him off, “We’d what, Ricky? _End up fighting?_ ” 

“We’re not fighting, but please tell me you see my point?” He sounded so annoyed and dismissive. Part of Nini wished that Ricky could see her right now. She was pretty sure that if Ricky could see her, he would recognize everything she felt just looking into her eyes, and he wouldn’t be cutting her off, he wouldn’t be short with her, he wouldn’t be mad at her. She wanted to believe all that, and she thought about offering to Facetime him so that he might understand better, but she worried that maybe she was wrong. She thought of how she’d been treated by everyone that day, and the fight went out of her. 

“I see your point, Ricky,” she said without letting any emotion into her voice.

“Nini?” Suddenly Ricky sounded nervous. 

“Listen,” she said. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. It’s been a long day.” She gave him a moment to try and stop her or fix things, Ricky said nothing. “I love you,” she said, and she hung up. 

After a day of just about nothing going right, Nini finally felt tears stinging in her eyes. Part of her wanted to call her moms, or Red, or Ash, but what if they all felt the same way that Ricky did? Nini already knew the first words out of Kourtney’s mouth would be her four favorite, _I told you so_. Nini loved Kourt so much but she seriously did not need to hear that right now. 

She took a shaky breath, letting the tears drip silently down her face while she mentally replayed her conversation with Ricky, trying to decipher where it had gone wrong. Getting off of her bed, she began to undress so that she could go take a quick shower and wash off this day. Pulling off her leggings, Nini realized her inner thighs were weirdly sore. Upon closer inspection, there were small circular bruises already beginning to form on her legs, from Connor’s unnecessarily tight grip on her. 

Nini felt an unsettling shiver run up her spine. She never even got a chance to tell Ricky what she really needed to; tomorrow night she was going to be trapped in a studio alone with Connor, and she would have to let him put his hands all over her for lifts, and try as she might to convince herself that she was worried over nothing, Nini couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t safe in that situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to all of my amazing readers for being so patient with me! I've been having some difficulty staying creatively inspired with everything going on in the world and the ways that it has and will continue to impact my life. This chapter is certainly not as happy as last week's so it might not have brought a smile to your face, but I hope it at least helped you to escape for a bit. Also, you guys are wayyy meaner to Ricky and Nini than I would ever think to be, this whole Connor storyline was inspired by someone's comment on a chapter a while ago, and their fight in this chapter was brought to you by Annmarie's comment on the last chapter! ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of anxiety, and controlling/semi-aggressive behavior from a male character (Nothing explicit or sexual)

Nini sat on the shiny wooden floor in the rehearsal studio, waiting for Connor to meet her. This whole day she had been in a fog. She had skipped breakfast, Nini couldn’t stomach the idea of trying to sit with her friends who were all mad at her, but she also didn’t want to sit alone and eat. Normally she might’ve gone down to breakfast anyway and talked with Ricky on the phone while she ate, but she still felt weird about how they had left things last night. 

This morning Nini had woken up with a text from him: “hey, i’m sorry. i didn’t meant to be so short with you i just know how tend to give more of yourself than you should and then you end up suffering for it. obviously my yelling at you last night didn’t make you suffer any less. i really am sorry, for whatever it’s worth, i love you please call me when you’re ready to talk i promise i’ll listen.”

As much as she had wanted to call Ricky then, and practically every minute since Nini just couldn’t bring herself to do it. This rehearsal had been hanging over her like a stormcloud. At any moment the skies could break open and drench her in a flood that washed everything away. She didn’t want to call Ricky and try to talk to him about Connor and have Ricky get mad at her for a whole new reason. 

So she had stumbled through the day, hardly speaking to anyone, hardly thinking about anything if she could help it. Staring at herself in the mirror right now all that she could think was that she looked terrible. Her hair was a mess, her eyes looked dark and foggy, and she was breaking out from all of the stress. 

Nini jumped at the sound of the door opening across the room, “There you are!” Connor said, brightly, swinging his bag off of his shoulder and onto the floor. 

“Yeah, I’m right where we agreed to meet. I’ve just been waiting,” she said. Nini seriously didn’t have the patience for his attempts at witty banter. Smoothing her flyaways one last time, Nini stood up and headed to the middle of the room. Connor was in the corner with the music stand connecting his phone so that he could play the song for them. 

“So what did you think of that History test today?” He asked. 

Nini cringed, the last thing she wanted to do was make small talk. All she wanted to do was get through these lifts a few times and get away from him, but she was her mother's daughter so the pleasantries were falling out of her mouth before she could stop them, “Oh, I didn’t think it was too bad. I probably should have studied more but that’s my fault. How about you?” 

Connor paused, putting down his phone to make eye contact with her, “Honestly? I thought it was a little too easy. I like a challenge.” He winked at her and Nini shivered. 

He laughed easily as he made his way to meet her in the middle of the room, and somehow his carefree nature set her even more on edge. Connor reached a hand out towards her, and she flinched away instinctually. Nini felt herself blush at the bemused look that came across his face. 

“Wow, Trev wasn’t kidding,” he chuckled. Nini gave him a questioning look, “He said you’re kind of a squirrely dance partner. That boyfriend of yours must keep you on a pretty tight leash.”

Nini scoffed, “What does Ricky have to do with anything?” 

“According to Faith and Layla, Ricky has everything to do with everything in your life,” he said.

“Well, then clearly Faith and Layla don’t know me as well as they think they do,” Nini said, giving him a challenging look. 

Ignoring her retort, Connor reached a hand out again and this time Nini didn’t recoil, she tried to find some confidence as she placed her hand in his. “Don’t worry, I promise to be a complete professional,” he said. _Yeah, right._ Nini thought to herself. 

Connor went over the choreography for her, vaguely imitated the movements while explaining them and Nini felt herself begin to calm just a bit. She could handle hard work. She could handle dancing, and being a professional. “You’ve seen it in practice, right?” 

“Yeah,” Nini said. “Seeing it and doing it are two different things though.” 

“You’ll be okay, I’ve got you,” Connor said, and he looked like he genuinely cared about her. Wanted her to feel safe and comfortable. So she nodded and they got to work figuring it out. 

\---

After about thirty minutes of trial and error, Nini finally felt like they were getting somewhere. Sure, Connor’s hands still had a tendency to slip into the wrong place, but at least he’d had the decency to apologize for it a couple of times when it happened. 

“Alright,” he panted after setting her down for about the hundredth time tonight. “Once more with music, and we’ll call it?” Nini smiled, nodding her head. Wiped the sweating palms on her leggings, and took a heavy breath. Starting up the music, he quickly ran over to her and they both sang and marked their own parts. Finally, they turned to face each other. Connor grabbed her hand and twirled her under his arm to face him and placed his hands on her waist while hers came up to sit on his shoulders. Nini jumped so that he could swing her to his right hip, she kicked back away from him, and then repeated it on the left, then she slid between his legs jumping up to turn in front of him. Connor's hands circled her waist and then he hoisted her onto his shoulder for the final pose. 

The music ended and they both smiled at each other victoriously in the mirror. “See?” He said, “Not so bad, right?” 

“Yeah, I guess,” Nini admitted as he let her down. For a moment she was embarrassed by the amount of energy that she’d wasted worrying about him for no reason, but once she reached the ground he didn’t let go of her waist. Instead, his fingers clinched against Nini’s stomach to tickle her. She squealed and doubled over, both laughing and hurting. “Oh my god, ouch! Stop!” She cried, but thankfully she wasn’t afraid, she was actually almost having fun. 

Connor laughed too, finally letting go of her. They both caught their breath as she stood up. Nini moved to take a step away from him but felt his hand take hold of her left wrist. Her blood went cold. Nini turned around and saw the look in his eyes. It was not a particularly innocent or friendly look. He looked like a predator who had finally gotten his prey right where he wanted it. “I gotta say that boyfriend of yours is a pretty lucky guy,” Nini’s breath caught in her throat, her eyes flicking down to his grasp on her. “But he’s not doing you any good here,” Connor tugged on her wrist and she stumbled closer. “People here don’t take too kindly to newcomers who walk around pining over stupid shit that doesn’t matter. Your Salt Lake boy is nothing, and as long as you're gluing yourself to him you’ll always be nothing too. But, I have some sway around here. Play your cards right and I bet I could have everyone on your side again.” His grip on her wrist tightened until she winced.

Nini’s voice shook. “Let go of me,” she said. Connor gave her a lingering look before he released her. Nini didn’t waste a moment, she grabbed her things and all but ran from the room. Behind her, she heard him call after her, “Night, Princess!”

\---

By the time she made it back to her room, Nini’s hands were shaking so bad she could hardly pull up Ricky’s contact on her phone. Finally, she managed to call him. She paced her room, waiting for him to pick up. “Hey, Nini!” A cheerful voice greeted her on the other end, but it wasn’t Ricky’s.

“Seb?” Nini sputtered, “Wh- What are you doing with Ricky’s phone?” She asked, slumping down into her desk chair. 

Seb seemed to hesitate, “Well, we’ve been dealing with some technical difficulties, so we’re all still at practice. Ricky’s on stage right now, I just happened to see your picture come up when you called. Which, by the way, did you know that he has the _cutest_ photo of you for your contact on his phone?” 

Nini smiled softly, trying to let herself calm down. “Thanks, Sebby, but- um, do you know when you guys will be done?” She asked. 

“It shouldn’t be- What?” Seb cut himself off, talking to someone on the other end. “Really? Oh well, that works for me, I guess.” Nini tried to wait patiently, but she just really needed to hear Ricky’s voice, she needed him to reassure her that they were okay, that she was. “Yeah, alright-”

“Seb!” She finally interjected, “Is Ricky around? I kind of really need to talk to him.”

“What? Oh, yeah, Nini. He’s coming right now. Red was just saying that we’re gonna pick up in the morning-” Seb started talking faster, all of his words rushing together, “Okay-Ricky’s-here-now-I-love-you-so-much-bye!” 

“Nini?” Just hearing one word from him was enough to recenter her world. 

“Ricky,” she said. 

“I’m so sorry, I should have listened yesterday. I shouldn’t have been so judgemental. You care about people. It’s who you are, and I love who you are. I’m really sorry, Nins,” Ricky said. She hated how worried and sad he sounded, but she loved to know that he so desperately wanted things to be good between them again.

“Ricky, it’s okay. Of course, I forgive you, I should have told you about everything sooner, but the whole show was the furthest thing from my mind when you were hurt.” They both paused for a moment, “Do you want to call me back when you get home?” She asked. 

“Yeah, that might be best,” he said. Nini could hear the smile in his voice and it made her stomach flutter. They hung up, and she used the time to take a quick shower and get something to eat. By the time Ricky called her back about half an hour had passed. 

Nini accepted his Facetime request and was greeted by the sight of him sitting on his bed with an adorably tired smile on his face. “Hi,” he said. 

“Hi, love,” she responded, feeling warm inside as she watched his smile grow. 

“So,” he said. “What was it that you were trying to tell me yesterday?” 

Nini took a deep breath, “Okay, so you remember that time when I was feeling kind of jealous of your relationship with Gina, and you swore to me that you’re only friends and that I’m the only person for you and I accepted that and moved on and everything’s been fine?”

Ricky’s expression clouded, "Yes?” 

“Well, I’m gonna need you to trust that the same is true for me-” Nini said. She proceeded to tell him about Connor and all of the things that were so small she’d been half-convinced before tonight that they were all just in her head. She told him what she could remember of what Connor had said tonight, but her memory was slightly addled by the fear that had been overwhelming her at that moment. 

When she was all done, Ricky looked close to tears. She was about to reassure him again that Connor meant less than nothing to her when Ricky finally spoke, “I just-” he cleared his throat, “I just hate that I’m not there to protect you from that creep. I wish I felt like I could trust your friends there to stand by you.”

“Me too,” she said. “But I’m going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.” Nini tried to convince him. 

“ _We_ already are fine, Nini. You don’t ever need to doubt that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm curious to hear what you guys thought of this chapter. When I was writing it I honestly wasn't sure if I liked it but then coming back to edit it I think I liked it better? As always, thank you SO much for reading! And now I can officially tell you that I've started my AU on Twitter, called "A Permanent Mark". It's based on one of my favorite books and I'm really excited about it, so I hope you'll check it out - @NiniAtTheYAC


	19. Chapter 19

Life began to feel like a race downhill, in the way that the closing of the school year often does. Nini felt like by the time she had gotten used to one week, she was already being tossed into the next one. And every day it was more of the same; wake up, talk to her moms while she got ready, go to breakfast and text with Kourtney, go to her classes, get dinner, head to rehearsal, avoid Connor as much as possible, and try not to piss anyone else off while she was at it, call Ricky during the walk from rehearsal to her dorm, and then fall asleep talking to him on the phone. Rinse, and repeat.

All in all, it wasn’t a terrible schedule to live by, maybe a little lonely at times. More than anyone she missed Gwen, Nini had thought that they were really friends, but evidently she was wrong. After Ricky’s accident, Miss Jenn had convinced the school board to allow her to move the musical back a week. Which meant that now the YAC and EHS schedules were nearly identical. The same tech-week, and the same show weekend, although Nini and the rest of the upperclassmen would only perform in half of the shows that the YAC put on. 

On the first day of tech week, Nini and Ricky had both been so exhausted that they could barely see straight, let alone call each other and talk. 

On Tuesday, Nini had been able to stay awake just long enough to mutter, “ _So_ tired” as Ricky answered the phone. She heard a noise from him that sounded like an agreement and then they were both out cold. 

Nini honestly wasn’t sure that Wednesday happened, like, logically, there was no way that it didn’t, but she could not for the life of her recall what had happened that day. 

On Thursday she had a bit of a reprieve because they were mostly focusing on getting the leads squared away. She sat, in the wings of the stage, watching her classmates, who she had learned to like but didn’t think she could ever love. 

Nini felt someone come and sit beside her and startled at the sudden company. Turning her head just slightly, she was glad to find that it was Gwen by her side. Nini looked away, “Hi,” she said quietly. 

“Hey,” Gwen said softly in reply. After a long pause, she continued, “I’ve missed you.”

Nini couldn’t help the incredulous smile that came across her face, “I’ve been here.” Gwen tapped their shoulders together. Nini finally looked up to meet her eye. 

“I’m sorry Nina, I don’t know why I let them tell me what to do," Gwen said. Against Nini’s will, she felt sorry for the girl. Nini had always been free to make and break friendships and cry on her mom’s shoulder when she needed, but Gwen didn’t have that luxury. Her social life was and would continue to be her whole world. 

“It’s okay, Gwen,” Nini said. She reached out her left hand to squeeze her friend’s right. “I won’t be here much longer, I don’t want them to shut you out for conspiring with the enemy.” Both of them let out a pathetic laugh.

“Faith misses you too, she just doesn’t know how to say it,” Gwen reassured her. And, even though it fixed nothing, knowing that she had missed them and was missed in return did make her heart hurt just a little less. 

“I’m sorry if I hurt you guys. If I made it seem like I didn’t care enough. That was never my intentions, it’s just-” 

Gwen cut her off, ''Ricky needed you.”

“No,” Nini cut back. “I needed him. And my parents, my friends, my home. Everything here has been an uphill battle. Nothing went how I thought it would and I’ve missed Salt Lake and _everyone_ in it terribly. Yes, Ricky was hurt and that was the reason that I had to leave so suddenly, but there were a thousand reasons why I needed to be there for a week. I needed time to breathe.” Nini tried not to let tears escape her eyes, but she was so tired of other people telling her what her priorities were. _Yes,_ Ricky was an important part of her life, he always had been and always would be, but he wasn’t her whole life. 

“Sorry.” Gwen said, “I feel like a jerk.”

Nini shook her head lightly, “Don’t, it’s all good. Water under the bridge.” And just like when she had said it to Gina, she really meant it. Life was too short to carry grudges. 

\---

The day of the show was complete chaos. The upperclassmen performed in the Friday and Saturday evening shows and the lowerclassmen were in both matinees. After school Nini and Gwen all but ran to get ready, both girls laughing as they struggled to get their ponytails just right. 

With an hour till showtime, Nini Facetimed Ricky to show him her costume and wish each other good luck one last time. 

Nothing could have prepared to see Ricky when he answered her call. There was really only one word for it: adorkable. His curls had been jelled to keep them in place, and a single strand fell onto his forehead. He had on large, dark-framed glasses, a white shirt, suspenders, a green bow tie - the whole nine yards. “ _Oh my god!_ Ricky!” Nini half squealed while he showed off his look. “You are the cutest thing on Earth,” she sighed. 

“What? Cute is not exactly what I was going for!” He pretended to be affronted, “I was hoping for devilishly handsome, or insanely hot!” 

“In those suspenders?” Nini teased him fondly. Ricky blushed, adjusting his tie. 

“Alright, your turn,” he said with a wink. 

Nini propped her phone up on the counter, leaning against the wall. She took a couple of steps back so that he could get a better view. Her white button-up shirt had a peter pan collar, she had a high waisted yellow skirt, and a cardigan that matched. In her hair, a white ribbon adorned her ponytail. Nini twirled and her skirt swished around her. She was giggling until she realized that Ricky had been strangely quiet. 

Looking up, she saw his face on her phone, the awestruck look in his eyes was enough to take her breath away. “Well?” She said, already knowing what he thought of the look. 

“You, Nini, are the most beautiful girl in the world.” 

It was her turn to blush now. “Ricky,” she scoffed. 

“I mean it, Nins,” he said, sincerely. 

Before she could speak an announcement came over the intercom around her telling cast members to report to the stage for their warm-up. Despite all of the drama that had led up to this moment, Nini couldn’t help the jolt of excitement that ran through her. She looked back at Ricky, clearly, he had been able to hear the announcement through the phone. “You better go, babe,” he said. 

“Yeah.” Nini agreed, but she hesitated for just one moment longer, “Good luck tonight. Have fun! Give everyone my love and support.” She sighed, “I love you, Ricky.”

His smile seemed to grow just a little bit brighter at hearing those final words. “I love you, too,” he said. 

\---

The Friday show went well enough, but Nini couldn’t deny feeling a certain sense of disappointment at getting off stage and having no one from the audience to meet her. 

On Saturday though, Nini had never been so excited to see her moms in her life! They arrived just in time for the start of the show, so she spent every second on stage looking out into the audience to try and find them in the crowd. Of course, it was no use, she could barely see past the first row, but knowing that her parents were here, watching, supporting her, it was such a relief to her. 

As soon as the curtain closed, Nini ran for the stage doors and dashed out into the lobby. Opening the final set of doors, she could finally see them. “Mom!” Nini called, and they both turned to look at her at the same time. She was sandwiched between her parents in seconds. 

“You were beautiful-” Mama D said.

“Just amazing!” Mama C added in agreement. 

“I’m so glad you both made it,” Nini eked out, she didn’t want to cry in front of everyone. 

“Like we would miss it,” Mama D reassured Nini, kissing her head. 

\---

Since she had no shows on Sunday, it was a perfect time to spend with her moms… packing her things. They made the best of it, but admittedly it was a little disappointing to have such a big chore to do during their limited time together. “But that fact that we’re doing this means we almost get to have you home _for real_.” Mama C had reminded her. 

They packed the vast majority of her things, only leaving behind the essentials and enough clothes to get her through the week so that she could fly home alone next Friday. By the time the car was packed, Nini was a confusing mix of happy, sad, anxious, and excited. 

Both of her moms hugged her tightly before climbing into the car.

“See you at home in five days!” Mama C yelled out the car window, while Nini stood waving goodbye to them. Goodbye for now, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about staying in the nitty-gritty of things, but honestly, I think this story is ready to reach its natural end, and as much as I might like do drag it out, it would be a disservice to all of the hours and hours of work that have already gone into it to allow it to drag and find necessary drama at the end. So, unless something crazy happens, the next chapter is it!


	20. Chapter 20

She had left the YAC only a couple of hours ago, and already it felt like a strange and distant memory. She could hardly believe that she’d seen her friends and said good-bye just that morning. There was a bittersweetness to it all. 

Faith and Gwen were both there to wait with her for her ride to the airport. The sadness that hung between them was palpable. They tried to joke about remembering each other when they’re famous, and about visiting each other’s summer homes, but it was hard to laugh under the weight of their grief. Finally, her ride pulled up to the door and the girls stood up to share one last hug. “Nina," Faith said, squeezing her tight, smiling Nini thought to herself, _I honestly, I won't mind going back to being Nini again_."I feel so lucky that I got to know you,” Faith continued, between sobs.

“Me too,” Nini said, her voice watery with tears. She released Faith who stepped back, wiping away her tears. Gwen stepped up then, and Nini wrapped her in a final, tight, hug. 

“I’m really gonna miss you,” Gwen whispered. Nini ran her hand in small circles across her back. 

“I’ll miss you too,” she said. “But I’ll always be a phone call away, yeah?” Nini tried to reassure her. 

Gwen released her, taking a small step back, “Yeah, okay.” She said, still sniffling, “Don’t be a stranger.” Nini nodded and, collecting her things, headed to the car that would take her to the airport. 

On one hand, the months that Nini had spent in Denver had been some of the hardest times of her life, but on the other hand, she had grown so much in every conceivable way while she was here. And, in spite of their fights and faults, the friends she had made at the YAC had become a part of her, and now, as the plane taxied to a stop in Salt Lake, that part was very far away. 

The plan had been for her moms and Ricky to pick her up from the airport, but after a couple of fishy comments from Kourtney on the phone last night - _Ugh, there is marker and glitter all over my hands!" "Alright, well I'll see you tomorrow morning! Well, I supposed it's closer to the afternoon- oh! I mean, evening, wishful thinking I guess, but maybe we can get together earlier in the day. Except you probably have plans with a certain boy, and actually I just remembered I've got a thing during the day tomorrow!"_ \- Yeah... Nini had a sneaking suspicion that there may be more than three people here to receive her at the airport. She double-checked that she had all of her things, got her carry-on suitcase out of the overhead, and then she was finally leaving the plane. She was _so_ close to being home. 

Leaving the gates, she headed towards the arrivals exit and, sure enough, Nini saw everyone she had been missing desperately. Gina, Kourtney, and Ashlyn each had a sign in their hands, Big Red and Seb held helium-filled balloons, Carlos, EJ, and her moms stood along with them. All of them were talking to each other and didn’t seem to see her yet, but Ricky did. He stood slightly apart from them, shifting anxiously from one foot and back to the other, holding a bouquet of yellow roses. His eyes met hers in an instant, and the way he lit up at seeing her was enough to make Nini’s breath catch. Still dragging her luggage, Nini broke into a sprint to reach him faster. Ricky rushed forward a few steps, and then she was throwing down her belongings and she was in his arms. 

Unlike the last time that she had seen him almost two months ago, when he was broken and bruised, now he was back to the robust and cheerful boy that she knew and loved. He pulled her up off the ground in his embrace, and Nini squealed, wrapping her legs around his waist. She was crying into his neck, “Nini,” she heard him sigh in relief. 

“I’m okay,” she sobbed. “I love you so much,” she whispered. 

“I love you too,” he said. His voice shaking with tears. She let her fingers wind into his curls and breathed in the scent that just was him, and that had faded out of his sweatshirts far too quickly. After a long moment, Nini remembered where they were, heard her mom’s “awww's” and one of their friends cleared their throat teasingly. She laughed, slightly embarrassed by having made such a spectacle of herself. Nini practically had to climb off of Ricky, who still barely seemed willing to let her go. Taking a small step towards the group, she was quickly surrounded by her friends. 

It was almost too much for her. While they showered her with love and joy, Nini just tried to soak them all in. Seb and Carlos were holding hands! Had Gina gotten taller? EJ and Kourt seemed a little cozier than she remembered. When she hugged Red she started crying all over again, remembering how hard it had been to say goodbye, "Hey," he said in his always sweet and gentle voice, "we made it through. It's all good Nins." 

Nini nodded, trying to calm down, "Thanks for taking care of him," she said, as softly as she could. 

"We both did," he said. 

Nini could barely stop crying until finally, Mama D asked if she was okay. She tried to answer her mom, she wanted to reassure them all that she was fine, totally _fine_ , but no words would come out, finally, Nini shrugged her shoulders and nodded her head. 

The worried looks on everyone’s faces were a clear indication that they didn’t believe her. “Hey how about we take all this stuff to the car for you, sweetie?” Mama C said, gesturing to her bags and all the gifts that the group had brought her. A murmur of agreement went through her friends while Mama D came and put an arm around her. 

Nini saw Ricky out of the corner of her eye and reached out to hold his wrist before he could go. He turned back, giving her a loving smile. Nini stretched up on her toes to kiss his cheek before letting him go. With that, it was just Nini and Dana in the airport while all of her friends walked away. 

“So, Sunbeam,” she said. “What’s weighing you down?” 

Nini sagged against her mom, “I don’t really know, I guess I just feel like I’ve left parts of myself in too many places, and I need some time to figure out if the YAC was worth all of the trouble.”

“That's understandable, but I’m inclined to think that it was,” Mama D reassured her. “I think your Lola will agree. Generally, I believe that anything that allows you to grow is worth having gone through.” Nini didn’t really have any words. She knew that her mom was right, or at the very least she wasn’t wrong. There was really only one thing she needed at that moment though, Nini turned into Mama D’s embrace, and with her mom holding her close, she could finally feel the ache in her chest begin to ebb. 

\---

The drive home had been more fun than it had any right to be. In the car, she and her moms had Ricky, Big Red, Kourtney, and Gina with them, while EJ was responsible for driving the rest of the gang home. Admittedly, it was a tight squeeze in the car, but that was more than okay by Nini, she wasn’t exactly dying to have personal space from her friends right now. She and Ricky were in the far back with Red, and while she was sitting in the center seat, she was heavily leaning against Ricky with his arms circled around her. They all listened to Gina tell an animated story about the mishaps of Little Shop's opening night. Every so often, someone would chime in to add details to the story. With four people speaking over each other and contributing, it was kind of difficult to follow the story. This was the type of chaos that Nini hadn’t even known she was capable of missing, but by the time they made it home her face was aching from smiling for so long. 

Finally pulling into the Salazar-Roberts’ driveway, she hugged Kourtney, Red, and Gina goodbye, at least until this evening, when they were all getting together at Ashlyn’s house. But for now, she just needed some time with her parents and Ricky. 

As soon as their friends and her moms were out of sight, Nini felt Ricky’s arms wrap around her waist from behind, she squealed as he held her against his chest and pressed teasing kisses to her neck. “Oh my god,” Nini half-gasped, half laughed. “Ricky, that tickles!”

She could feel him smile against her skin in response, his fingers moved against her sides, purposefully tickling her now, and Nini screamed with laughter while trying to squirm away from his grasp. 

Finally succeeding in breaking free, she turned around to give him a teasing glare, “You’re impossible, Bowen,” she said. 

“Yeah, but you love me,” he grinned. 

Nini held both his hands, intertwining every one of their fingers together, something about the movement made her pause. She looked down at their hands, “There were so many times in the last few months that I just wanted a hand to hold. I’m glad that I know now that I didn’t need anyone holding my hand, but,” Nini looked up to meet Ricky’s searching eyes, “It makes the choice to hold yours mean that much more. I could do it on my own, but everything’s just better when I’ve got you.” Noticing his eyes growing misty, she scrunched her nose at him to lighten the mood and draw a smile out of him. “I love you,” she said, and then she stretched up on her toes and kissed him, her hands let go of his so that her arms could wind around his neck. 

Ricky hugged her closer to him, and she felt herself melt against him further. Every inch of her yearned to be closer to him, but as he began to deepen the kiss, Nini felt herself stumble just a bit. _Right,_ she thought to herself, pulling back, _still outside._

“Ricky,” Nini said, breathlessly. 

“Yeah,” he asked, sounding adorably dazed. 

“Maybe we should save some of that for a less public location.” She smiled, feeling Ricky laugh more than hearing it. 

“You might be onto something there, SalRobs.”

\---

Nini had been home for just over a week and she was still living out of her suitcases. Something about unpacking was still just painfully unappealing to her, but that was an issue for another day because today was prom. 

Nini and Kourtney had come to Ashlyn’s house to get ready and hang out before the boys met them for photos. This was always the best part of the dance. While the actual dances were a bit too crowded, stuffy, and loud, the girl time before the dance was a time that Nini wished would never end. She hoped that prom might be different from the other dances she’d been to, but she wasn’t about to get her hopes up.

"So, Kourt," Ashlyn said while applying a final layer of nail polish. "You and EJ?"

Kourtney gave her an unimpressed look, "Yes, what about me and your cousin?" She asked.

"Well, he told me that he bought your ticket and that you're kind of going together tonight." Nini, who had been in the process of curling her hair nearly dropped the hot iron. She turned around to get a look at her friend. 

Kourtney looked a little caught in the headlights, but she recovered quickly. "Yes, he was very kind and bought my ticket, but we're just going together as friends." 

Nini and Ashlyn exchanged a disbelieving look. "Kourt, their's nothing wrong with you dating EJ. You might be really good for him," Nini chimed in. 

"Let it drop girls," Kourt said. "No need to over complicate things right as he's graduating. We're just going together because everyone we're going with is a couple, so... yeah." Nini wished that Kourtney would open up, but she knew her; Kourt would open up when she was ready. There was no good that could come out of pushing her. 

Nini was the first one done, she sat back while the other girls put on the final touches. Kourtney looked stunning in her dark purple dress, with her hair natural and curly, and her makeup bold and flawless as always. Ashlyn looked like a goddess in her emerald dress, with gold accessories and accents. “It feels wrong that Gina’s not here with us,” Nini said, thinking out loud. 

“Yeah.” Ashlyn agreed, “But she and Seb and Carlos are having, like, an anti-prom tonight. So they’ll probably have more fun than us if we’re being honest.” 

Nini and Kourtney both laughed, “Fair enough,” Nini said. They were all interrupted by the doorbell ringing. “I can get it,” Nini said, trying not to sound too eager. Standing up, Nini stopped in front of the mirror one last time. She adjusted the thin straps of her silky red dress and ran her fingers through her loose curls. 

“You look beautiful,” Ashlyn said, catching Nini’s eye in the mirror. 

She blushed, “So do you, Ash." With that, Nini quickly headed out of the room and down the stairs. To her surprise, the front door was already open, Ashlyn’s parents must have beat her to it. Surveying the room she saw EJ, Big Red, all of their parents and Ricky stood in the foyer. Nini froze silently on the step. 

She watched Ricky, who still was not aware of her. He looked so handsome and mature in his tux with his red bow tie. Watching Mr.Bowen adjust Ricky's collar, Nini was suddenly struck by memories of their childhood together. He was so far from the little boy with a gap in his front teeth who “married” her in the background and helped her take care of her stuffed animals, she thought that if any other girl loved him she probably wouldn’t see it, but that sweet and innocent little kid still lived in Ricky. In his eyes, and his smile, and his gentle heart. Ricky now was someone that _anyone_ could fall in love with, but she realized that only she could know how to love every version of him. 

Finally, Ricky looked up and caught her staring, his face lit up at the sight of her, and she smiled back at him, carefully coming down the stairs to meet him at the bottom. 

The room hushed as she reached him. "You look stunning, Nins," he told her, taking hold of both her hands. 

Nini didn't know why she was so nervous all of a sudden, it was just Ricky after all, but her heart jumped erratically in her chest. She squeezed his hands, "And you," she said. "Look so handsome." 

\---

In the end, prom was exactly what she expected it to be; she had fun with her friends dancing and singing, but it was crowded and headache-inducing, and she could have lived with leaving after about an hour. 

When there was about an hour left of the dance, while EJ and Kourtney were still dancing, Nini and Ricky were sitting at their table with Ashlyn and Red, trying to have a conversation over the ridiculously loud music, "What!?" she asked, for what felt like the thousandth time that night. Before Ricky could repeat himself the room suddenly fell quiet, as a slow song began to play.

Nini didn't think anything of it until Ricky stood up, "How about just one last dance?" He asked, offering her his hand. 

"Do you think I have to put my shoes back on?" She asked, taking his hand as she stood. 

"Not if you don't want to," he said. Smiling, they made their way out to the dance floor. When Ricky pulled her close, she felt so small and safe. “We don’t have to go early,” Nini said. “It’s your prom too.” 

Ricky leaned down to gently press his forehead against hers, “What’s Troy’s one line? ‘My prom is wherever you are’?” 

Nini laughed softly. “You love those movies and you know it,” she teased him. 

“The third one’s okay, I guess,” Ricky admitted, blushing. As the song came to an end they both stilled, looking into each other's eyes, Nini wanted to kiss him, but she was acutely aware that they were in a very public space. Ricky’s voice was hoarse when he spoke, “Ready?” He asked. 

Nini nodded, still in a daze. They headed to get their things and say goodnight to their friends, and as soon as they were out the front doors of the school, and alone in the cool, clear, night. Nini was tugging on Ricky’s hand to pull him into a kiss. He kissed her back deeply, sighing against her lips. She tried to soak in everything about this moment, Ricky with his tousled curls, lipstick-stained lips, and starry eyes. The cold pavement against her bare feet, because she refused to put her heels back on, even now. The clear air, and the bright moon casting a pale glow. This was a moment she knew that she would always want to keep. It was a gift to be able to feel so carefree and light, in the arms of the boy she loved. “Nini,” Ricky said, slowly pulling away, to meet her gaze, “I never want to be selfish with you, and I am so proud of you for pushing through everything this semester. I hope you know that.”

Nini’s heart stuttered, “I’m sensing that there’s a ‘but’ here.”

Ricky nodded, his eyes shining, he let out a heavy breath, “But I am _so_ glad that you’re home.”

“Me too,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. “What a crazy couple of months,” Nini paused to suppress her tears before continuing, “But there’s nothing like hard times to show you who matters most, and who you love most. I think, somehow, I love you even more now than I did before I left. You just-" her mind flickered to thoughts of how close she came to losing him, and that alone was enough to make her hold him tighter, "you have my whole heart, Ricky.”

He looked at her so tenderly, like Nini was the most precious thing the world had to offer, “And you’ve always had mine,” Ricky said. 

\---

Nini got home at around eleven, and, finding that her moms were already asleep on the couch, she went up to her room. Closing the door, Nini cringed at the mess that was still taking over her bedroom. She changed out of her prom dress and sat on her bed, running her hand over her sheets, looking around at her walls, which were still waiting to be re-adorned with all of her photos. Something about unpacking that suitcase just felt so… final. Once she unpacked and put her life and her things back to the way that they always were it would look like nothing had ever happened. Taking a deep breath, she moved to the floor and started unpacking. 

There would always be parts of herself that she left behind so that she could pick new pieces up. And even though that was a hard thing to accept, it didn't have to be a bad thing. No matter where she went, or who she became, she knew where her heart was, and maybe that was enough.

“It’s time to come home,” Nini said, softly, to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that this ending was satisfying for you, it seriously took me days to write. I am so so so eternally grateful to anyone who has taken the time to read my silly little story, and even more so to those who have left such glowing and kind comments, knowing that people wanted to hear what I had to say was the only reason I had it in me to keep saying it. Writing this has been such an important and healing process for me. There is a lot of my own pain and life that runs through the themes of this story, so if you feel like you gained anything out of reading this then it means that things that challenged me in my life were worth it. I will always have a place in my heart for this story and for everyone who reads it. Thank you for giving my life purpose. Love, Sarah


End file.
